Last reply 4 years ago
Dating with MS..

So since I was diagnosed with RRMS, I think I’ve been avoiding trying to meet people, and getting out there in the dating world because I was afraid of the reactions I might get. But, I’ve come to a point in my life where I no longer want to hold myself back because of my MS, life is too short! I feel like I’m starting a bit of a new chapter, and I think I am finally ready to get back out there. (I actually wrote a little blog post about this recently if anyone’s interested! thetravellingmser.wordpress.com)

I wanted to bring the subject up here on shift as well, and see how other people have handled the situation. As I said in my blog, I think deciding when to disclose my MS would depend on the person and how comfortable I am with them. But it still feels like a big thing to have to share!

I’d love to here about other people’s experiences, and any advice you have to share about it would be great πŸ™‚

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reddivine
4 years ago

There are any number of threads on shift about sex, relationships and the various spin offs…
Whatever age you are, whatever your (dis)abilities, it is 100% possible, okay and desirable to want to have someone to share your life.
And totally totally possible.
And any of the couples on here


aussiekylie
4 years ago

@melissa.g I just looked at your blog, OMG stick up his arse! Hahaha reminds me of the saying “I’m always in the shit, it’s just the depth that varies”. It sounds like your neuros all have the stick up their arse it’s just the length that varies. I’m pretty new to blogs and the like but could you please tell me if there’s a way to follow your blog rather than just logging into the website every time?


cazzzzzy
4 years ago

Hi @melissa.g … I don’t think you should ever hide the fact you have MS from anyone because yes you are right! – Like you say “anyone who isn’t understanding of it, probably isn’t worth my time anyways” – this is so right!

Anyone who isn’t capable of understanding does not deserve you!

It would be lovely if you could find someone to share your life with, you must keep us posted πŸ™‚

I myself have always liked my own space πŸ˜• … I guess this is a blessing now but I like to be around good friends πŸ™‚

xxx


melissa-g
4 years ago

Sorry if this topic has been talked about to death, I guess I’ve always ignored the posts before lol.

@aussiekylie I think the only way to get notifications would be to sign in with a WordPress account and click follow πŸ™‚ thanks for the support!

And thank you for the kind words @cazzzzzy πŸ™‚


webbexpress
4 years ago

Melissa, I am in the same boat as you though was originally in a long term relationship when diagnosed in April this year. Unfortunately that resulted in my summer being diagnosis, redundancy – job hunting (not MS related), end of relationship, moving flat.

I think my plan is probably tell someone afters 2 months or so, that way I have a decent judge of them but don’t ‘waste’ my time with someone who is not understanding.

Fortunately for me the main issues caused by the MS are relapses (every couple of yrs so far) and increasing fatigue which I’m trying to learn to manage.


melissa-g
4 years ago

@webbexpress I dont think I could wait that long to tell someone! I personally would probably bring it up after a couple of dates.. but thats just me. I also use a cane at times so would have to explain that! Lol


jman
4 years ago

Its always good to revisit a topic. I agree that second or third date is usually a good option.. Explaining a cane or other is always fun.. It usually takes the wheat from the chaff so to speak.

Me and @reddivine chatted for a year online before we finally took the risk and the plunge and met up.


curlyclaire
4 years ago

@mellisa.g I’m like the new Bridget Jones haha! I’m 34 and still looking for the right man and gained plenty of amusing stories on the way!

I am very open about my MS not to the point that I’m “hi my names is Claire and I’ve got MS” but I don’t avoid talking about it and if it comes up then hey it’s a part of me so take me or leave me!

It’s the future sometimes I worry about which is an MS delight…..not knowing what,when and how it’s going to effect me and ultimately others. I really want children but worry about having them too.

Anyway I hope the dating is going well and wish you all the best in finding whatever/whoever you are after!! πŸ˜‰


melissa-g
4 years ago

@curlyclaire Bridget Jones seems like a great lady. Nothing to be ashamed of there, lol!
I am taking the same “take me or leave me” stance as you. I also think it’s important to me to mention it sooner rather than later, because I’d really just like to know how they are going to take it!


ks-2
4 years ago

Hey @melissa.g

Great post!
When I was first diagnosed I felt embarrassed and ashamed so didn’t want anyone to know and i especially hated making people feel awkward when I told them!!
But that was STUPID!!
We have to live with MS so why shouldn’t they?! I know it is hard to feel that confident to share with people but I am sure you are strong enough.
Also get on Tinder girl!! I met my current boyfriend there…ya shocking I know but so glad I went for a shallow swiping session as I found a good one, who was not phased by the MS one bit!
It is up to you when you feel ready to tell mister right but I just went in all guns blazing…it clears out the time wasters that little bit faster! πŸ˜‰

Kirsty xxx
http://mskirstystevens.wordpress.com/


melissa-g
4 years ago

@k*s Thanks for the encouragement Kirsty! I actually did get tinder, infact I might have already had it when I wrote that post lol! I’ve met a nice guy, who I told about my MS, so we will see where it goes! πŸ™‚


northernlass
4 years ago

Great news Melissa.g that you have found a guy… fingers crossed for you both.. It all starts with a little step .. be it a sometimes wobbly one .. All the best πŸ™‚


cathy74
4 years ago

Hi Melissa, I posted exactly this about 4 years ago, I can honestly say I never had any bad dating experiences caused by my Ms and/or disclosure of it. I’ve had some amusing, disastrous, fantastic and even damn right creepy dates since haha!! Then I met my amazing chap 2 and a half years ago and we’re now planning our wedding

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