My fiance was diagnosed with RRMS at 23. She’s now 26. I’m 27.
I’m having a really hard time dealing with everything that comes along with the diagnosis – lately it’s mostly been anger. I see an elderly couple walking hand in hand and want to run one of them over. I see someone in their 30s jogging and I want to throw a brick at them because it’s possible my fiance won’t be that mobile by then. I see friends going on hikes and buying homes with stairs and planning vacations in warm places (I live in Canada) and I can’t help but be angry with them. I know that MS doesn’t mean the world has to stop, and I know it doesn’t mean that we won’t be able to have kids/travel/live our lives, but I’m still mourning the life I thought we’d have and how different it’s already become in our mid-twenties. If it impacts our lives this much already, how bad will it be in ten years? 20?
My friends don’t understand, and keep saying generic things like “it will all work out” or “no sense worrying about what you can’t fix”. I know they mean well but that doesn’t stop me from having nightmares where I’m 30 and trying to deal with raising a baby (planned, we don’t have any yet) and taking care of a partner who sometimes can’t get out of bed even after 12 hours of rest. It just seems so hard. I know there are other ways to contribute to raising kids and a household, but I’m feeling overwhelmed by the prospect of potentially getting a stroller and a wheelchair ready, potentially bathing every member of my family, potentially being the sole income earner, etc.
I know I should probably see a professional to address the grief and anger, but unfortunately right now all our counseling benefits are being allocated to my fiance to deal with her anxiety and depression associated with MS.
Is there anyone who can relate?
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