5 years ago
Anger

I need some advice. I have cried a lot today, bcos I have once again disappointed someone close to me, by saying something that was a little out of order. And it pretty much comes down to being angry and taking it out on someone close. I know I have been thru hell these past few years, and I have lost so much. But I also know how lucky I am too, bcos things could be so much worse. But I am still so angry about how my life has turned out, and often ask ‘why me?’ – any suggestions on how to deal with this?

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Getting a diagnosis of MS kicks off an emotional journey that has various phases:-

1. Shock and Denial
2. Pain and Guilt
3. Anger and Bargaining
4. Depression, reflection, loneliness
5. The upward turn
6. Reconstruction and working through
7. Acceptance and hope

The last phase is your ultimate destination but you’ll potentially pass through all the other phases. Sometimes you’ll enter a phase for a second time.

But, knowing you’re on a journey may help you to understand your feelings.

Hope this helps.

🙂

Hi,
So what! You get angry, say things that you should not have. You are human and being human can be not nice. If you are trying to come to terms with having MS we all have beem there. We deal with our MS in so many different ways. You know you have hurt someone, but do they know why you are like you are at this moment in time? Tell them, if they love you they will listen and understand. No person is an island alone. Let people come into your life and dont be afraid of telling the truth. I promise you, you will get there.
Talking on this site and being open with us all is a good place to start. My heart goes out to you when i think back to how i was. Believe me when i say i was in a black place! the MS web site got me through it. I say this “Life has given us a sh!t hand of cards. Its up to us how we play them”
Good luck “smallbrowngirl” I hope you find our replys of some help, because my post will not be the last one you will get.
indigojane.
xxx

Everyone has done that regardless of MS. If they are that close to you they will understand you didn’t mean it and you are going through a lot. When it comes to the why me aspect, you said it yourself, things could be a lot worse. I guess why any of us? I understand because I have gone through the same thing and have just tried to believe that everything in our lives happens for a reason, we might not yet understand. It is clique but it is true. I hope you can make things right with the person you let down. One thing I learned about MS was that I always took things for granted before I was diagnosed, now I take nothing for granted, I believe this was the reason I was dealt this card. I helps me to believe that. That is how I look at it. You have to find your own inner peace, everyone is different, sometimes it’s just a matter of how we chose to look at things. I’m not sure if this helps or not but I wish you the best in dealing with this, it took me a long time to start learning how to deal with my diagnosis.

I stick to Denial although its hard to justify to myself when im at the hospital for appointments so often, my legs are shit, my balance is shot and i inject myself with a drug that blows my next day every week … but hey im good lol option 2-7 arnt going to change anything so why worry about it.

As someone said above everyone goes through this, MS is alot to deal with and don’t underestimate that. If this person is truly close to you and love you it’ll all be water under the bridge in no time at all. My poor mum has had the shouting/screaming/swearing off me and I pretty much apologise straight away and it’s forgotten. Life is a bitch, this is a well known fact, but you’ll come through the other side of this a stronger person. Just because you said one thing that was out of order doesn’t make you a bad person, it makes you human. I’m sorry if this is a rambling post but I hope you catch the jist of what I’m saying!xxx

This is a recurrent issue here. It wouldn’t be normal if you weren’t angry. Life’s a bitch, but you get used to it beating you down. You just have to get used to getting back up(that may be figuratively, haha) and moving on.
Explain to people that your MS can lead to irrational outbursts, then you’ll find they’ll pay no heed to them. Big ‘but’ here, always apologise after, as this makes them aware that it upsets you, that you’ve had a rage. It’ll make them more empathic towards your plight.

Never give in, never surrender!

Hi @smallbrowngirl I look at the list @stumbler posted up, and on a good day I like to think I’ve gone through all of these phases, and on a bad day I come to the conclusion that actually I’m still firmly stuck at no.1.

But since I’ve found the community at shift I’m having a lot more 7s than 1s. I hope that you find a way to get to 7 yourself soon 🙂

Mark

Hey guys & gals
Thanks v much for ur advice. I do appreciate it. I think u may b right chueykooh, I do practice Buddhism and believe in karma – that this has happened for a reason – I am slowly figuring this out. Thanks Mark, I think I’ve been thru many of the emotions that Stumbler posted. I do hope I get to the latter numbers. I will apologise to my friend. I have always been the one who says sorry, wen I have been wrong. Thanks for all ur kind words indigojane & Ophelia.
Adaresh x

Totally agree with all the posts. Just to add that we weren’t put on this earth JUST TO PLEASE PEOPLE. We’ve been dealt a bad hand and if someone can’t accept you as you are now, well – that’s a shame but it says something (not very nice) about them. We haven’t got the time or mental resources to waste on people who are effectively making our MS worse. I’ve come to this conclusion after losing two deep friendships (of 20+ years), feeling guilty but then finally being brought to my senses by someone who DOES understand. In fact, I use the illness as sort of marker for lots of things: ‘will doing this/being with this person make me feel a)OK b) better c) worse. I think I’m now much better able to walk away from a lot of the rubbish that I used to put up with. (Sorry this is rambling)Lots of luck with this and don’t put up with any nonsense!

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