4 years ago
A permanent solution to a temporary problem

I have to admit, this seems quite tempting at times, I know its not a solution to anything in reality but the mind can work in mysterious ways sometimes.

For those that know me, you’ll find this kind of negativity quite unusual coming from me, I’m normally the one making the inappropriate jokes (incidentally, if you do have any amusing anecdotes, please add them below ;-)). This post it is more just a way for me to ‘verbalize’ my thoughts, I figured it may help some of you out there too. I’ve told my wife about these feelings, spoken with my GP who has prescribed me some anti depressants that I’ve been taking for the last six months it just feels like things have got a bit…worse recently (hence the title).

I find myself getting angry at inconsequential little things, stuff that doesn’t matter, things I have no business getting annoyed about. I get pissed off that I can’t get a job and keep getting knock backs, I’m annoyed at the hand life seems to have dealt me. I guess you could say the wheels have finally fallen off the cart as it wasn’t like I had a childhood that was exactly free of family dramas (different story). Thanks for allowing me the opportunity to share, I feel a little better now :-).

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Oh dear, Gav. All I can say is that it looks as though there’s not enough nice/productive/occupying/distracting things going on at the moment for whatever reason. Meanwhile,there’s plenty of worries/regrets/irritations to more than fill the gaps. And, as we all know, these go nowhere. There’s no single answer or solution but maybe a starting point is to find ONE THING you can look forward to and know that while you’re going there/doing it you won’t have these thoughts. I’ve been there, too. Big hugs xx

Here, @Gav, it’s not a time of year thing, is it? Everything looks terrible at this time of year. And who wants to venture out when it’s cold and uncomfortable.
I get depressed at this time of year as I like to be out in the open air when I can.
Just bear with it, spring will be here soon and we can all start to get frisky again,

I can certainly empathise with you. I’m seeing a psychiatrist at the present, dealing with my propensity for suicidal thoughts that I’ve been getting.
Now, I don’t want to top myself, but they’ve been troubling me for a while. I’m on a new antidepressant, which seems to be helping a bit.
Tangle that up with having had multiple health issues over the festive period and it’s been a pretty f’ed up time for me. There is light at the end of the torch though, I know, I shone it in my eyes.
Even my sense of humour hasn’t been able to ascend me out of this lately, but it is coming back a bit.
So you’re not alone in being a bit down @Gav we’re all here suffering with you.
Bloody hell, I can be a moaning bastard at times!

@Gav all I can add is that you have helped me and I’m sure many others here on the forum ! I must admit I came off my anti depressant this summer but have wondered the last few weeks on many occassiasns wether I should start again ? You are not on your own !!
All the best femke xx

Lousy at anecdotes been thinking for two hours and still nothing ! There yo go must go back on happy pils !

Oh Gav I feel for you I really do.
1. You are great, your youtube videos have really helped me especially the rollercoaster one and the grief ans MS one.
2. You are allowed to be negative sometimes you can’t always be on top of the world.
3. You have clearly got a lovely wife the two of you are lucky to have each other.
4. It’s hard for anyone to get a job at the moment let alone those of us who are not quite perfect.
Best wishes. 🙂

@cameron I like your idea of just focusing on one positive thing, and its something I do try to do, for the most part anyways. I do often focus on the fact that I KNOW things will start feeling better, I just need to keep on going.

@stumbler the time of year may be part of it too, just another brick in the wall ‘o shit 😉 I have found myself getting more negative at this time of year, but this year feels a bit worse than other years.

@pottypete I’m glad your sense of humour is still about 🙂

@femke I thought I may have been of some help for a few members and viewers, have you spoken with your doctor about going back on your antidepressants? They do help, well, they don’t taste as nice as tic tacs, can’t have it all though.

@msued62 I do have a lot of fun filming some of my videos, just tap into my childish side 🙂 I know I’m allowed to be negative, I just prefer the happy positive me, much more fun. And yes I do have a wonderful wife, and I never tire of telling her how beautiful she is. One of these days she is going to do much better than me. Well maybe not better, but good at sports.

I know what it’s like to want to end it all, I have been there at different times in my life, notably the 90’s when I was doing a lot of bad substances and playing darts a little too often (a lot too often really).

I think we need to change the viewpoint sometimes of this thing we have, not see it so much as a downer or an end but more as the beginnings of some bigger refinement that even if we can’t define it’s logic we can perhaps overcome and ultimately be stronger, not mortal strength perhaps but spiritual strength, which has, if we would allow it, perhaps a greater purpose than we can really understand at the moment.

I wouldn’t probably be even here now at shift if I hadn’t come across your ms blog one day while I was browsing & I am ever grateful for that little piece of information you gave.

So take heart my friend, be encouraged, you know you are not in this alone & when all is said & done, if we are made strong through endurance (and all people in life endure something, if not this then something else) then perhaps we can see this thing as more of a blessing than a curse.

hugs Gav

Sending loads of love that this passes soon, Gav.
I feel sad that you feel so low. I feel bad WE ALL can feel so low.
It is so tiresome, and sometimes the idea of making it stop is the only thing that makes it seem manageable. For me, anyway.
But I have a boyfriend, and friends and a family that would miss me. They drive me to stick around and wait til the lull passes.
As another poster says, find a lovely thing to do every day, and take happiness/ comfort in that.
For me, it’s sometimes lighting candles and lying on my bed, or even immersing myself in a DVD box set with the curtains closed for the day!

Thanks for being you x

Hi gav thanks again for your advice I have now learned that a dip happens to me every year round about now it happened last year when I was on happy pills . I’ve come to the conclusion I am very much influenced by the weather etc so I am just going to sit it out knowing that it will get better given time !
All the best femke xx

If you were not in cyberspace, I’d bake you a cake! xxx

I’m a big fan of cake 🙂 Choc chip if you please

Oh Gav Gav Gav, your always one of the first to lift people who are down and to give advice to others and cracking jokes, but sometimes just sometimes we just cant do it and thats fine, its called re-adjusting, apparently! I too have had a shit time and its ok to shout and scream every now and then, so scream away, thats what we are here for, god knows ive done my fair bit of screaming etc on here over Christmas. Just look at the replies you’ve had from FRIENDS WHO CARE…….*hugs*

big wave to Gav… fingers crossed this train of thought disappears quickly. january is a hard month for us all. xmas has gone and this weather does not help our mood… big hugs, sloppy kisses coming your way… and i love the idea of cyber cake…. any will do… just got a sweet tooth… love ya xxxx

@bubblesgalore well if you’re ever about in London let me know and I might bake something for ya 😉 Same offer goes for anyone else.

My baking IS NOT recommended for those of you who are trying to lose weight, its worth it though 🙂

@Gav, I am in London a fair bit to see the b/friend (jman on here), we must meet up. You are doing a STIRLING job on here, and we all have a rant now & again. Had one myself last nite.
Sometimes STUFF just annoys ya, good lord, am I turning into my mother? aaaaaargh! OK we need an MS meetup….theres a project to distract you, get some of us loonies in one room!

@reddivine I live in Croydon, but I do make regular trips to the my spirited friends meetups 🙂

I think I just get down about my perceived ‘lack of purpose’, I don’t think my current employment status is helping that tbh

Hiya Gav I’m sending my medically induced positivity up your way- is everyone on antidepressants?!I wish I could take it all away my dear but we know that it doesn’t work that way. You are the reson I keep coming back to this website so if you feel down just know that someone out there cares that you’re around in spite of the bullshit. I agree with @stumbler it could be that time of year- I’ve had seizures, been hospitalised and fatigued in the last couple of weeks. This isn’t exactly as positive as I wanted it to come out but hey! Cheers to you

@mschronic I’m glad I help 🙂 Maybe I should start a Gav fanclub? Free cake!

@mschronic its my eyes isn’t it? I get lost in my own reflection sometimes tbh…

You’re weird @Gav – never change 🙂

@mschronic I don’t intend on changing, I’m weird but its a cool weird

@Gav re: anger – I think I have almost spent a life growing up to be unnecessarily angry to the point whereby it became my default state i.e. if I don’t know what to feel, find comfort in anger.
Recently, and not before time, I came to realise what a pointless state it is to seek. I now try to conquer my anger and negative thoughts with rational reasoning. I might still feel a little annoyed, but I don’t allow it to consume me.
What brought this about, I think, was the realisation that anger and MS don’t mix very well and I’d rather preserve myself than flail meaninglessly and fruitlessly at some imagined source of annoyance.
I hope you find the means to relax.

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