Last reply 1 week ago
A Little Hurt

My partner of 6 years said to me a few weeks ago when I was having a relapse (still going through it) that when I go to my neurologist he would come for support. I never go with anyone to these appointments.

MRI next week and appointment the week after, I asked him tonight if he still wants to come so he can take time off work.

He was hesitate and went silent. I just thought to myself it would’ve been nice for him to come so he understands really what MS is but if he is just billshitting me might be better he doesn’t.

I know myself I’ve gotten worse and feel alone sometimes.

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edmontonalberta
1 week ago

@lorag

Way too many questions & thoughts going through your mind; only those close who are watching & listening might be able to answer & help.

You have had MS for 20 years & your partner for 6 years so they knew you have MS; and wanted to share your life. Has anything changed physically or emotionally on your end? Have parts of your relationship changed? i.e No more going for walks or dining out or… Mobility challenges?

Is there some change in either of your work environments? Your network of friends? Any deaths in either of your families? Are finances becoming a challenge? I ask since you are asking them to miss work…

To make a long story shorter, it could be anything. I don’t know; you could probably find out if the topic is approached properly. Not an inquisition but rather in a situation the two of you usually feel comfortable opening up.

Good luck; I wish you the best…


jane_watts
1 week ago

Hello @lorag pleased to meet you

I can understand how you feel, & am so very sorry you’re going through this emotional time, that you could do without.
YOU are not alone, YOU have all of us here on Shift.

I wonder is your partner fully understanding of MS?
It does affect the people around us too, & the same ppl we love sometimes struggle in accepting the person they so dearly love suffers this demon MS.

It might be an idea if your partner visits the ‘guest’, area of shift. It may help him a little.
A Dr. Boster on utube explains all on MS, thankfully in ‘layman’s terms’ As we say here. (Ireland)

Plz don’t stress & although it has to be your partners decision whether to attend your appointments with you,
I’d be inclined to suggest he does, again he could gain a better understanding of what you’re going through.

However I would like to add, he’s suffering too.
With our loved ones sometimes we have to be strong for them, we feel what we’re suffering, our symptoms are invisible to them.
Please don’t feel alone we are all here for you.

Very Best Wishes & loads of good luck with your appointments. 🍀💜
Please do let us know how you got on with appointments.
Jane


stumbler
1 week ago

@lorag, our partners can feel out of their depth with MS. I mean, we struggle with it a lot of the time, so why should we expect anything different from them.

Our partners don’t really know what to say or what to do. They may try and say the right thing at the right time, then regret what they’ve said.

Hospitals and appointments might be way out of their comfort zone, so we do have to consider other factors.


grandma
1 week ago

@ lorag as Jane said you are not alone👂My other half couldn’t cope nearly 30 years ago. I was alone when I was dxd, have been alone ever since and if you don’t rely on anybody else you will never be let down! But you’ve got us, I know it’s not quite the same, but at least we’re here willingly👏😜


potter
1 week ago

In the last 11 years my husband has only been to one appointment. It was my second appt. with my neuro and he asked for my husband to be there. I figured he didn’t have the time to be at my other appts. because he had a demanding job. He is retired now and still didn’t go to my last appointment. I don’t he really understands how MS works and doesn’t really want to talk about it. He is a good husband, it is just something I have to learn to live with. I know many MSers that had spouses leave them after their diagnoses. I have learned to be happy with the support I receive. Potter


lorag
1 week ago

Thank you everyone, he is a good partner and maybe it’s best better to keep going on my own I mean been doing it for so long and at times I can’t be bothered taking about my MS I rarely do. Is not like you can’t see I’m not 100%. He should’ve not said at the beginning of my latest relapse he will come with me I didn’t ask.

I’m just interested to see if I have any more lesions or my current lesions are more damaged.

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