I’m a graphic designer from Mexico I was diagnosed 4 years ago, I was only 28 I remember thinking to myself that there was no point on being sad. I needed to keep on moving and block the emotions that come with the diagnose.
My family cried. My girlfriend cried the hardest, it was our 2nd year living together as a couple and things were great, I didn’t even shed one tear, there was no point on doing so. In my head I put order to the thoughts rushing in and made arrangements for every possible scenario, because that’s the way I deal with tough problems in order to find a solution.
I told her I’d understand if she left me. She decided to stay with me. I think the hardest part is watching other people getting worried. I love her, and nothing breaks my heart more than to see her sad because of me.
Maybe that’s why I don’t want her to know that I’m just starting to realise everything. 3months ago I had some blood test and my doctor said the results weren’t great. It seems my liver is not getting along with the Interferon.
There’s not much the public healthcare can do about it. Here in Mexico the health institutions are just saturated because of old protocols, a bureaucratic system and overall lack of government support. It’s been almost 3 years since my last MRI because “they are full”.
But I don’t need a MRI to notice changes. The fatigue, the constant headaches, the pain. How the words escape from my mind and articulating sentences can be a challenge sometimes.
I’m so angry with myself. Is it normal?
I apologise for my bad writing. I think I need help, I don’t like to talk about how this is affecting me, I’ve always known that I need to solve my own problems by myself, it’s just that writing things make it easier for me.
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