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Thoughts - feel fry to ignore

I thought I’d share so maybe some can relate I am grateful for my quick diagnosis I am grateful for having access to Tysabri every month I am grateful for MRI’s to know what’s going on in my brain and spine I am grateful my hearing returns when it went away I am grateful for my apartment that feels like home I am grateful for my fiancé who is caring and loving I am grateful for mental and physical therapy and for deciding to pursue both. I am grateful for my sister who deeply cares I am grateful for being able to relax sometimes I am grateful for not being in pain I am grateful for my kind eye doctor who is going out of her way to help me I am grateful for my resilience because I have been very anxious and afraid I am grateful for colleagues who have given me all the support and understanding I need, without confronting me with my MS all the time I am also still disappointed in my body for attacking itself, even though my immune system “means well” I am mad and anxious because I do not understand and know what might happen to my body I am afraid to get pregnant because I’d have to stop medication and have a big relapse I am afraid I might not be able to take care of my children the way I would if I did not have MS. I am afraid that people will not understand because one day I’m energetic and happy and others I’m anxious and so so tired. I sometimes feel like I’m damaged goods, because I’m 25 and should be flourishing I am super annoyed when people keep asking me how I am, and I reply with good and they ask: yes but I mean with your MS? I hate that I have shut down to people around me (family, friends) because I need time to be alone and process this. I’m sad that it is taking me long to accept my MS (or come to terms with it), because I feel like I’m wasting precious time now that I’m still pain free. I’m afraid that I will go blind and/or deaf. (I have both vision and hearing problems due to MS)