Shift.ms

by Sian Gwilym

You’ve been told you’ve got MS and it’s probably sent you into a spin. You may well have decided to keep this devastating news to yourself to get used to before you tell the world. But there may come a time when that secret is getting harder to keep and you feel ready to reveal to those closest to you what exactly has been going on.

But then the panic sets in: How will they cope? When is the best time? Are they going to be upset? Will they look at you differently? Questions and doubt will fill your mind about how to do it. So here are five tips to survive the MS revelation.

1. Get used to the diagnosis yourself before you tell the world

Are you really ready for the endless questions? Can you explain what MS is and how it affects you and more to the point are you ready to correct people that MS is not the one where you feel tired all the time (ME) although fatigue is one of the symptoms.

2. Don’t underestimate the strength of the person you are about to tell.

Everyone has bad news to deal with and more often than not people cope with whatever is thrown at them. And even if you do have to tell someone a little bit… (how can I put this politely?) emotionally weak, you’ll probably be surprised at how well they react – and if they don’t, tell them to get out of your house and not to come back until they stop being so pathetic!

3. Although people are likely to be gutted to hear your news, nothing really affects someone unless it is actually happening to them.

They are upset for you obviously but what’s really affecting them at the moment is the kids are being bullied / the leak under the sink is getting worse / the MOT is due and as long as you seem like you are coping, they’ll handle your news alright – it’s a kind of “glad it’s them not me” attitude that virtually every human being on this planet has in-built. Don’t resent them for it – I bet you’ve got it too.

4. Say it out loud…

Believe it or not, but talking about it can actually normalise it and hearing yourself say it out loud and talking about it can actually make it easier to deal with. And remember, you don’t have to tell everyone yet – just speak to a couple of trusted people first and then tell anyone else when you are good and ready.

5. …but keep your quiet time too.

When you are fed up of talking about it, don’t be worried about being rude by saying that you don’t want to speak about it anymore. You are the one who has to deal with this thing and who has to live with it 24/7 and if you are done talking, you are done talking.

As for whether people will look at you differently, well they may do at first, but when they speak to you and realise you are still you, the MS will fade into the background where it belongs. Good luck!

What now?

• Share your thoughts with Sian below
• Read Sian’s brilliant I’m outta the MS closet
• Read Cathy’s article on Coming Out