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@Lauren_Bowling 

Last reply

Lauren_Bowling

‘Pity party’

Hey everyone. I posted recently being a very new diagnosed scared young lady! I decided to be brave and tell everyone about my diagnosis. Thought it would help so I don’t have to keep telling people individually. However now I have been bombarded with messages from people feeling sorry for me. I know their heart is in the right place but I don’t want to be pitied. I’m so scared as it is. How do I respond to them when they’re saying ‘gosh that’s so awful’ ‘I’m so sad for you’ etc. I cry every time because I don’t want to be different like this. I think it’s also given me a flare up- the stress. Muscles in my legs hurt and tingling. I don’t want to get worse and be judged for it or looked at. I’m sorry this is just all coming from the heart. Xxxx
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@Lauren_Bowling
@Lauren_Bowling
 

@nutshell88 so no one really notices? I just thought I’ve been told it’s nothing to be ashamed about so own it. But now I feel so labelled

@ItsMewithMS
@ItsMewithMS
 

A person will cycle through many emotions in response to an event or an announcement. Being scared is a very reasonable response to being diagnosed with MS! A part of me was too and I don't back down very easily! For me it was mostly the uncertainty. At that point I could walk with my foot sticking out to one side without any pain. By the time the MRI was done and they confirmed MS the annoying symptom had even gone away. I read allot and educated myself more about the disease and my timeline and what to look out for and what to expect. I found out that I likely had many good years of activity before me. I should take my drugs and watch my health. I should avoid being around cigarette smoke and other pollutants (should anyway as my family is prone to breast cancer). Basically I learned a lot about MS. I have to realize that most people don't know much about MS. I ran into someone the other day that said that every time they heard someone had MS they had a mental image of their neighbor who was completely bent over by the disease and had to be helped to walk with her cane. Someone else may have had a relative in the past that went through the disease courses. Maybe they couldn't see or had no memory. What people don't realize is that every story is different. The disease affects everyone differently over different timelines. They can't just expect you to be like their experience with MS. Heck, we don't even know what to expect! I totally get it. You don't want their pity. You hope you don't need their pity ;-) they likely don't understand much about the disease or how to express their empathy. Thank them for caring about you but for now you just want them to give you some positive energy and support. If the time comes you need more don't be afraid to ask. Ask them if they need anything. Understanding that you are a capable and able friend may help get the message across. We don't want pity, we want understanding and the opportunity to be a friend and have a friend ;-)