Last reply 6 months ago
New diagnosis and new relationship

Hello everyone. I’m new here. I’ve read some threads similar to my current dilemma but wanted to throw out my story if anyone else is feeling lost like me or has any advice.

I had, what turned out to be my second episode/flare up, only a month after dating this guy. Over two more months of dating, I got all the tests, MRIs, LP, and just in November I got the official diagnosis of MS. Just yesterday I got my first injection with a nasty skin reaction. In the midst of this, I also had another abnormal papsmear and had to get a LEEP (they removed a layer of my cervix in hopes to prevent cancer).

Now, he was very understanding during the healing process of the LEEP. I’m now wondering about telling him my MS diagnosis. We’ve only been dating 4 months, but he’s also 9 years younger than me (I’m 35, he’s 26). He’s very mature for 26 but I’m afraid this will be too much for him. Do I rip off the bandaid? Wait? Why is this even a question? I don’t know; it’s all so new!

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6 months ago

In this case I would think to tell him sooner rather than later because if you have a relationship with him, he will find out eventually and wonder why you didn’t tell him.

He sounds understanding, he might be able to give you good support as you deal with the emotional chaos of a new DX

6 months ago

Hi @woolphotos and welcome.

The longer you wait to tell him, the harder it’s going to get until your burden becomes too huge. We all have little nuances about our characters, be they physical marks or blemishes. No-one is perfect. So, this is just another bit of what makes you you.

You may want to watch these two short films that were created for Shift.MS regarding this problem of relationships and disclosure:-

6 months ago


Everyone is different. And considering we don’t know you, your boyfriend or anything about your relationship – it is difficult to give advice.

What I need in a relationship is full disclosure. One of my firm beliefs is “Without trust – there is no relationship!” From what you wrote, he appears to be a supportive guy – he has been so far. So why would you now lie to him? And by keeping MS a secret (which he will find out)…

My philosophy is basic – I tell people who need to know, that I have MS but it is no big deal – because it is not. Then that is the end of discussing that topic. Because I change topics… 😉

I am the same person I always have been; I have the same likes & dislikes – nothing has changed. Something to think about.

6 months ago

@woolphotos I had this same dilemma last year, I met a girl at the start of my diagnosis testing, MRI,LP etc but didn’t tell her what I was going through or what was going on because hey I don’t have MS!!!! But I did, it was one of the hardest things mentally I had to do through this period because of all the negative thoughts that come with this situation, in the end it got to the case where my close friends said if you don’t tell her I will. I plucked up the courage and told her and when I did she was absolutely fine with it, just be positive and if it doesn’t work out it’s better to know now then later on, it is a though one as been in this position but just be open and honest it’s not worth the added stress, Rob x

6 months ago

@woolphotos I agree with everyone. I told my partner about a month after I met him and he was fine about it. At the time I thought that if he’s not fine with it it was better to know then rather than weeks/months later. Good luck with your decision. Ann Marie

6 months ago


Thank you to everyone but Stumbler, thank you for the video link, scary but inspiring, thanks.

6 months ago

Hello @woolphotos, gonna jump on with everyone else and say yes, do tell. You have nothing to lose. Hey, and really sorry you’ve had such a rough run of things lately. Do spend time investing in yourself; time, treats, healthy living, lots of rest. All the best 🙂

6 months ago

I would agree with everyone, I’d rather be honest because the right person won’t care right? At least that’s my theory, I’ll let you know how it goes. Think 2019 is a year for new beginnings 😁, goodluck and take care. If he’s the one, he’ll understand 😄.

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