After chatting with some other MSers here, I thought it a good idea to share my story. The aim being to show that there is help out there and you shouldn’t be afraid to ask for it.
In the last few months, I have been plagued by thoughts of suicide. Now this isn’t the norm for me. I am generally a really happy go lucky guy. The life and soul of the party. Always cracking jokes, always with a kind word and help for others.
These thoughts though kept coming over me in waves. sometimes lasting a few days at a time. I’d even gone as far as getting all my sharp knives out of the drawers and lining them up in front of me, trying to choose the right one to do the deed.
This was all done in a veil of tears, as i was wracked with pain and anguish. Feeling life was worthless, what with all the pain and discomfort. Being stuck indoors for days at a time, unable to face going out, but also unable to get out due to relapse.
Of course, I didn’t go through with it. Instead, I phoned a crisis helpline number which had been supplied to me.
You see, I knew what was happening to me. I had recognised the symptoms a few days before. The build up to the desperate state that I was in.
Well, I’ve dealt with it before. I’d even been sectioned for my own safety, in a mental health hospital. They were fantastically kind and helpful. I got counselling, medicinal help and plenty of back-up. Without which I may well not have survived at that time.
So this time, talking to the crisis helpline, helped me become a little more rational thinking at that important time, calming me enough to gain enough strength to struggle through the night.
The next day, I immediately sought help from my GP and was referred for mental health support. The GP herself, could not have been more supportive, in fact she was fantastic. Ok, I was a wreck, but she helped me by discussing my thoughts and feelings.
So, what can any of you take from this?
Well if you ever feel that things are getting too much for you, I hope that you can remember this, that these thoughts are not necessarily what your true self is feeling, rather they are a sign that you may be in the throws of a bout of depression (reactive or clinical depression).
There is no shame in having this type of problem. It is exceptionally common, especially for us MSers. Don’t feel guilty about needing help, after all, that is what the mental health workers are there for.
I myself have just started a new course of medication to help me and I’m feeling very positive. I’ve also taken great heart in the support that other members here provide to each and everyone that they can.
Ok, my ramble is over, except to say, don’t suffer alone, get help! If you ever need to chat about things or need advice, we’re here for you.
C.A.L.L.HELPLINE number is 0800 132 737
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