Last reply 4 months ago

Hey people. I’m dealing with insomnia (and Depression) at the moment so I’m crazy introspective and alone with the internet for hours 😂 I have many thoughts on this topic so, be warned, that this is going to be a long one.

I’ve been essentially self-medicating my pain with weed for maybe 4 years. Initially it was just recreationally once or twice a year but I noticed that I could now apply strong pressure to the tight spots in my muscles that were normally too painful to even touch.

Getting regular deep tissue massage on the NHS was great but it was only the 10 sessions and I can’t afford to be having weekly massages (even though that’s what I really need), so now I had a way to do at least some of the job myself.

I bought a bong – like a 14 year old boy – because my lungs hate, hate, hate tobacco-, and would buy a small bag 2-3 times a year and just get it out when I started to get the really terrible pains. Doing this, I noticed some things and, being “science-minded”, I’ve been testing out my ideas:
1) When I’m high, my short-term memory just switched off – kaput. I’ve had to rewatch whole seasons of Netflix shows that I definitely watched but just don’t remember.

2) Partly related to the first one: I get really distracted by my own thoughts…
3)… and I suddenly have a lot -no – ALL of them at once. If I’m with people, I essentially go silent for hours because I’ve disappeared down an internal rabbit hole and am silently questioning the meaning of everything.

4) My capacity for empathy goes through the roof. Watching a film or show becomes an intense experience because I think I can understand the motivations of every single character, from the protagonist, to their mum, their teacher, the villain, the villain’s wife, etc. It makes everything seem intensely profound, which means…
5) comedies don’t make me actually laugh out loud if I’ve smoked. I get the giggles occasionally but it’s usually because of a thought or someone actually in the room with me.

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4 months ago

6) If all I have is one, maybe to drags, my cog fog vanishes. This really should have been number 1 as has been, without a doubt, the most impactful thing on this list.
7) linked to the previous one: I have this crazy access to my creativity again, and it has been a whiiiile. I’ve had more story and project ideas in the last two months than in the 10 years previous. I’m also crazy organised with files and life tasks, right now.
My creativity and absolute nerdiness were always a huge part of my life and personality so I’ve pretty much been in mourning for years because I thought that essential part of me was just gone, now. It isn’t, not by a long shot. I feel like me again.
Because of the memory thing, I try to write my basic ideas down and come back to them with fresh eyes later. Because there are so many concurrent thoughts, I’ve had to start organising the notes.

8) My balance gets so much worse! So much worse! Walking is not something that I should attempt if I can avoid it.
9) The same goes for having a conversation…

10)…unless the conversation is about feelings, it seems. I’ve been having some intense conversations with my family lately and we’re tighter than ever, which is particularly good right now because…
11) I have Depression. Throughout my life I’ve always categorised this as being prone to Depressive bouts but the weed showed me that I was very much mistaken.
Now, I’m not saying that marijuana made me depressed, at all, but I think it’s accurate to say that it made me able to see it and call it by its name. This particular time, last year, I went down the rabbit hole but this time, instead of finding myself in a world of pirate babies – yep, that’s a real project -, all I found was a hall of mirrors/echo chamber that just told me everything that I hated about myself and my life for 3 hours, and I couldn’t even move. I realised that I’d been powerless but now that I understood that I had been under a spell for years, it was time for me to kill the witch. Which brings me to…

12) Marijuana and antidepressants don’t play well together 😂 It took a very shouty Christmas for me learn this one. Looking online, I believe marijuana increases the concentration of the meds in the bloodstream. I already started testing out different dosages and finding out how best to time them. For now, I just don’t take them on the same day, but I have plans.
This was supposed to just be a short list but I’m having a mental health month and apparently want to talk about *sigh* feelings 😂

13) Now, this one threw me: I can exercise better and for longer after a smoke. I was curious if the muscular pain-relieving effects would also apply to crunches, because I am lazy and exercise is difficult. The short answer was “hells yeah!”
I did crunches for half an episode of Daredevil and only stopped because I wasn’t sure how my body was going to feel the next day. It was fine.
So now I’m experimenting. Aware of the balance issue I tried a much smaller dose – not enough to actually feel high – then got on my exercise bike. I am still shook. I’m usually huffing and puffing and all sweaty – I swear it’s far less sexy than it sounds – but this time, I was able to do what should’ve been my most intense workout yet without getting out of breath even once. At one point I even held my breath – mid workout – just to check that I wasn’t being crazy. Turns out, I wasn’t.
Well, I was in the sense that holding your breath whilst doing a sprint on a stationary bike IS some crazy nonsense but you know what I mean.

I find it weird/frustrating that we’re finding out how good CBD is for MS and how good THC is for Depression empathy etc but we’re separating them.

My plan for next month is try microdosing for a while. If all it takes to shift my world back into focus is 1-2 puffs at the start of the day, then I’m going to give that a go.
Thanks for your patience. Next time I’ll just write a blog or something.

x Dee

4 months ago

@highheeledfagin wow…interesting stuff. I will be interested to know if 1-2 puffs at the start of the day works well for you. Sounds like it’s all about getting the balance right. Sorting out your brain fog is a massive thing, but then the pay off is your balance? The “getting distracted by my own thoughts” I can totally relate to, and in my case it definitely isn’t from smoking weed (haven’t smoked any for decades). In a room of people I can just zone out. I struggle with sensory overload so not sure if it’s a symptom of that, my mind just switching off to outside noises. Anyway…..thanks for being a human guinea pig 🙂 xx

4 months ago

@elisabeth_turner I actually had no intention of sharing any that, I just Guinea pig myself and take mental notes all of the time.

4 months ago

@highheeledfagin , are you happy with the integrity of your supplier and the product supplied? That worries me when dealing on the street, can you be sure of what you’re getting.

I’m aware there are various strains of the plant, with different …….benefits. But, I’m far from being an expert.

In my mind, you’re doing nothing wrong. You’re just searching for the benefits of Sativex, as the NHS won’t supply it!

Your weed seems to be enhancing some of your capabilities/feelings/emotions, whilst dampening others. Trying to find the right balance, the right dosage will be key.

I wish you well with your research.

4 months ago

@stumbler This here is my problem with blanket anti-drug legislation: because users are criminalized we have no consumer rights, no regulated competition and little options/control in terms of product, regarding both quality and variety. I just make family/friends get extra for me every so often and that stuff, on paper, isn’t the variety that’s supposed to be good for MS as it’ll be low CBD and very high THC: the exact opposite of something like Sativex.

In American states, where usage has been legalised, you can just go into a dispensary, explain what kind of effects you’re looking for and the “pharmacist” will give you options to try out. If one doesn’t quite work for you you can just try a different variety next time. In places where it’s highly policed you essentially get what you get, and most users are trying to get high and self-medicate, well, self-medicate life itself, so things are very THC forward.

I’d love to be able to try some out buffet style and be able to select whichever variety would be most appropriate for a specific situation, but drugs legislation here is more Politics based than information/research-based.

4 months ago

And then there’s magic mushrooms and psilocybin… I’d have no idea how to get that in – London – annoyingly, something as destructive as crack is everywhere but the more “hippy” drugs – that have often been used by humans in this exact way for millennia – is impossible if you don’t just happen to know somebody. I’m not a dark net person because I’m not skilled enough to digitally protect myself from the proper scumbags that live there, but how drugs-selling works on there sounds fascinating.

^ ^
If you’re interested.

4 months ago

Those are both old so I have no idea what state things are in now.

4 months ago

@highheeledfagin , I share your frustration with the hypercritical situation regarding medical marijuana. It needs sorting out.

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