I just don’t know anymore. Is it fatigue, or am i just lazy? Do I need help, or is it plain attention seeking? Do I really struggle with everything, or did I got used to people helping me out so I just do bare minimum and expect others to accept it? Did ms become my “character trait’ and im being annoying to people? And I thought it would get easier after MAX a year.
I skipped important classes for few weeks now. If I went to uni my stomach would hurt, I got dizzy and nauseous. I would cry in bathrooms. I don’t feel that I’m good enough to be there. I hate it. One of my profs said that “you keep saying that you are not good at it. Stop saying that and just do it”. As if it was that easy. After classes I come back home and sleep. I’m too tired to work on projects. Sometimes it’s not even physical, but it’s hard to Focus, to think. I come off as lazy and stupid. And all that “everyone is tired”, “we all sometimes wish to die”. Maybe. It doesn’t seem good to me though.
Tried to ask neuro about psychologist. She said that “there is one consultation a year”. And that consultation is a questionare. On a scale 1-5 how do you feel… Then visited psychiatrist on my own. She laughed at me first (“where on earth do you meet friends?” after I told her that two of my friends tried to commit suicide) and then gave me antidepresants without telling me why or how to use them. Didn’t even bought them. Now I’m waiting for another visit with another psychologist, but it’s next month.
It’s a long post. I’m really sorry. It’s not even connected to ms. I feel lost and powerless. I have no idea what to do. I just hope it’s going to be better some day.
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