Last reply 3 months ago
Almost 35, never moved out

I’ll be 10 years diagnosed in December, and I’m wondering how on earth I’m going to get my own place to live. My skills are wide and varied, as are my anxieties around moving out on my own. Clearly however, if I am to realise my full potential, I will have to find a source of income then a place of accomodation. My MS tends to flare up when I’m anxious or stressed, so I’m wondering how I bootstrap the process. Full time job work is scary. Being alone for too long is also scary. Where I am right now is exceedingly comfortable.

Consider a few steps in my shoes. I have no bills to pay, no serious responsibilities, no job, no social life, no love life, a wide array of hobbies, a failure to launch situation affecting my entire family and the cake tin is never empty. My relationship with my family is excellent. It would be difficult to do MS without their support. I am the only one in the household who knows all the wifi passwords.

What would you do? Stay or move out?

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mlgilber1
3 months ago

I’m 34 and in the exact situation….


laurenrose
3 months ago

it sounds like there might be more reasons to stay home and try to find way to make it ‘feel’ like you’re being a bit more independent.

i don’t know about you, but i tend to get a bit existential when it comes to my independence and all at once i want to be back in full time work, living on my own and managing my ms a lot better plus a decent social life AND love life and all the best versions of all the best things quite possibly ever.

then reality hits and i’m in pain, my brains all foggy and i can’t actually walk more than a few steps without walking into something and exploring my profanity vocabulary 😂

so instead, i tend to my plants or organise some boring paper work i’ve probably been avoiding since the beginning of time and maybe, if i feel like it, message someone to remind them of my existence and apologise for being an avoidant dweeb when i’m having a down moment/day/life.

i try to be as lighthearted and humorous with myself as i can and ultimately just give myself a break because life itself is already just so much. the things you want will happen, just when they’re supposed to.

where are you based? i’m sure you’d be able to find a bunch of workshops to get you out and about socialising again (and if not, pinterest is perfect for building/manifesting your dream house 😅)

apologies for the essay, it’s early and sleep has evaded me


sfrox
3 months ago

Well, in this day and age I don’t think pressuring yourself to live on your own is reasonable, with our without MS.

1) There is a housing shortage
2) “Community” is ever-important
3) MS requires being more efficient with costs

Right now my 95 yo dad, my 87 yo aunt, and I all live apart. And yet they need me regularly. Why don’t we all just consolidate and live together, so that we aren’t bleeding resources with me in react mode? Perhaps your parents are young yet, but one day it will become a concern and if you are dealing with MS the logistics of helping people you don’t live with will be demanding.

If you want to branch out, moving out might not be the exact solution. Find some interests, go out, and enjoy them. Get the job you want. If, at that point, moving out feels like the right thing to do, then do it.


nutshell88
3 months ago

Sorry you feel this way
I used to study in uk 2013 i was daignosed 2004 needed to find a job citizens advice offered a co coordinator job for me i stayed two years learning English and working at citizens advice Scotland i wasnt used to the freezing cold
The gov offered me to pay for a flat at Wharton square

______
I just came from work im in Saudi similar to citizens advice only different is
Heat 48c ._. Im used to this unfortunately brains melting processing


vixen
3 months ago

Hello @shtanto. It’s great that you’re in a strong position with lots of support and upsides. I’m not sure where you live. But, the pressure on folks to leave home is merely social pressure which you don’t need to succumb to. The thing is, if you do find some time of employment that works for you, it may well follow that there are links or opportunities to consider independent living. The two often go hand in hand. Also, work doesn’t need to be full time, but it needs to be something that adds quality, not burden. When the right opportunity arises, you’ll know it. It’s great to be in a position where you’re not desperate. Good luck with the search, don’t forget to post if anything changes for you,


supermum1983
3 months ago

I live on my own with my kids. Id struggle if i had to move back home. But then i dont have that relationship with either parent. Id try and work part tine and take it from there. Or voulnteer the social aspect will help.


dominics
3 months ago

Have you talked about this with your parents? If they are OK with it that’s one thing. If they feel differently then it is another.

Have you considered freelancing as opposed to full-time? I used to work in London with meant commuting, travel heavily for another job – 35 countries in 4 years – and then I did the hardest thing on my MS that I’d ever done which was to start and run a small business.

After 6y at university, I now do lots of different things that I can control. That is the key thing is that I can set a schedule and accept or decline work as I see fit.


nutshell88
3 months ago

In Saudi I live with my family alone in uk


shtanto
3 months ago

I live in Dublin, Ireland. The government pays for my medicines, my public transport and I get subsidies for glasses if I ever need the lenses updated

I make bowls on a lathe, learn Amatsu (physical therapy) and turn receipts into origami cranes. My friends often find them in wallets, old boxes, coat pockets and the like. Thus I am thought of 🙂

The social pressures mentioned are likely my greatest concern. The whole family still lives at home, so I’m not likely going to be asked to move out. It’s the fog that gets me first, then the fatigue. You mention supports as an example in Scotland. I wonder if Ireland has anything similar?


cosine
3 months ago

Im with sfrox .

Who says you need to move out?

Test the waters first.


kristine_souza
3 months ago

Going to be 40 this year 2013 diagnosed husband left 2 kids. Mom doesn’t understand what I go through on a daily basis. she eviction notice AKA hate letter.
It’s upsetting not remembering,
if you can stay stay🤔
Looking for a place; but single mom 2 kids 16year old boy and 11 girl. Nobody wants that . It’s to much for me. Lol just kidding my kids are awesome.

Good luck
Life is hard enough
Pros and cons list always helps me


edmontonalberta
3 months ago

@shtanto

“no job, no social life, no love life” – and you are doing nothing at age 35? Really???

Not sure if I am the voice of reason or out of line; yet I will post – moderators can delete if what I type is inappropriate.

We are born, we live then die; life is that simple. I am a firm believer in spreading our wings then learning to fly – whether trying on our own or pushed out from the nest… Why would anyone be comfortable sitting at their parents place – never “making personal gains while contributing to society”?

The odds are against everyone from Day 1 on this planet. Sitting there doing nothing is just accepting failure. With all due respect – try, try, try! MS makes things more challenging yet…

There are jobs out there; maybe not the best yet some that will keep you busy during the day. Your social life is 100% up to you; might take effort yet that is there. A love life is different for everyone depending upon desires, attraction – the odds nowadays have decreased due to reasons brainwashed by society.

But why give up? Why quit trying? Even if your success ratio is only 1% – then try 101 times until you succeed.

We are born, we live then die; life is that simple. Get off your ass and enjoy life!


cameron
3 months ago

This is just a random thought, but could it be an aim to save up for a holiday home (park home)? I live in a holiday area and there are very attractive developments at a fraction of the price of a regular home – for good reason. You can’t live there for the full 52 weeks a year and you don’t own the land, but it could be a way of gaining some independence. If as has been suggested, part-time, low intensity work is a possibility, it would give you a goal (I don’t think they’re mortgageable) for the medium-term future. xx


merfield
3 months ago

I think it depends how far down the MS Road you are. To move out you have to be able to do everything, on your own. If you need help already you’ll probably need more. Maybe ask yr msnurse @shtanto she’ll know best to advise. xx

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