Last reply 5 months ago
A Single father with MS

I’ve always been optimistic when I think about my health issue, but now I’m starting to have second thoughts.. I divorced my x-wife because of the nagging and crazy physical abuse I was facing, we have two kids 2y and 3y old, and my only goal in life is to stay in good shape so I can provide for them.
One day on my visitation schedule , she decided to let go and run away without the kids, so now I have the kids full time all day everyday, I have no family here, and I can’t leave and take them with me out of the states by my family, I am literally drained caring for them all day and facing my illness at nights, I don’t know why I’m writing here or what answer I’m expecting to hear.. my kids just slept and I am extremely tired, i felt like sharing my crazy life to the world at this night.

Peace ✌️

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stumbler
6 months ago

@optimstic , I’m sorry that your marriage ended that way.

But, children are a blessing and a reason to be. You need to synchronise yourself with your kids now. When they nap, you nap, etc..

Perhaps our American members can suggest some central bodies that you can contact, to make sure you get the support you need for you and your children.

Your children are your wife’s loss and your gain. 😉


erusha
6 months ago

@optomistic sorry to hear the struggles you’ve been going through

Sometimes you might not need to hear the perfect answer because let’s face it we all have different ways of dealing with by things, it is however good to let it out and talk about things so I hope things get better for you soon, sorry I couldn’t be of more help


supermum1983
6 months ago

I’m a single mum also and it’s exhausting I’m midway between loading dishwasher, putting a load of washing on, making calls. Planning to go out for food shop glad I’ve got day off work today. When i bend down my head hurts, chronic pain always there 😑 glad Kids are off school. Your doing really well try and take time for you. Selfcare is key


grandma
6 months ago

@optimistic you have just been thrown in at the deep end and you’re treading water. Is your oldest child due to go to nursery school soon? There should be lots of locals who could help with collection and delivery. Don’t be afaid to ask for help, take anything that’s going. With you little one learn that when they nap, you nap. There are quite a lot if coping strategies and I hope you will get help from other msers in the USA. Learn not to worry about a little dirt and dust, no-one died from it, and play with them instead, your kids will enjoy it and learn more and they will also soon learn that if they let daddy just rest for an hour, daddy will be fit to take them to the park/playground or swimming, whatever floats your boat. Remember try not to be superman cos you’re that already in their eyes😜👍🥊


cosine
6 months ago

Well done for being there for them! It’ll be a tough couple of years but they will be in school eventually and you’ll get more time for yourself!

Maybe you can find some parents and kids activities where you can meet other parents and share tips.

Your kids are soo blessed and fortunate to have you.


vixen
6 months ago

Hello @optimistic, sorry you’ve been through the ringer. You know what though, I promise, things will get easier. It doesn’t get more tough than having a 2 and 3 year old. But it is so short lived. Life as a parent passes in a flash. Are there family or childcare groups you can hook up with? If you can get some kind of respite, even if you have to give something in return, it will be worth it. To be the best parent you can be, you need to take really good care of yourself. And yes, as said above, before you know it, they will be at school. Stay strong, you can do this x


potter
6 months ago

I see you have a National MS Society office in downtown Chicago. There internet site brags on how much they can help you. Give them a call and ask for help, you might consider finding a church in your area, they have programs to help people who need it. Going to church might help you regain some inner strength. They have daycare during the service, it will give you time to relax and gather your thoughts. My grandfather was a minister and his sermons were pretty dry, but I didn’t mind it was quiet and I could sit and think. Potter


optimstic
5 months ago

Thank you all for those supporting comments, somehow i felt the support by just reading them.

God bless 🙂


mamawals
5 months ago

Well, first, do you work or stay home with them? I’ve honestly found our local YMCA and church to be a help. At the Y, I can go work out or swim while they go in Child Watch, which they love. At Church, I’ve found a community of other parents to talk to and while I know it’s not for everyone, it helps me personally deal with the diagnosis. Your three year old is old enough to sign up for activities like dance, sports, gymnastics, which is a good way for them to burn off energy while you sit and take a bit of a break. Especially if it’s during the 2 year olds nap time! I also rely on indoor play places at fast food restaurants at least once a week 😀. Other things that help me conserve energy are online grocery ordering, and basically online ordering everything and anything. And crock pot meals. I know it really doesn’t help, but “the days are long but the years are short.” I have a 2, 3, and 5 year old so I kind of get where you’re coming from. Hang in there! After having full custody for a few years, talk to your lawyer about petitioning to move out of state to be closer to family who can support you and provide a back up in case you have a relapse. Good luck!


dramaqueen
5 months ago

I cannot add to the great advice you’ve been given i wish you well. What a great guy your girls are very lucky.


optimstic
5 months ago

Thanks @mamawals , I’ve started working from home recently, and still trying to put a schedule for them at my place, they are starting to settle in and understand that this is our home , the 3 of us, which is way better than a weekend visitation where all what we did was playing.. anyway .. I’ll start with that online ordering .. makes sense 🙂

Thanks @dramaqueen I’m feeling way better than the first days I had them.. feels like spending time with them is my cure 🙂 somehow


dramaqueen
5 months ago

Children are medicine to me. See if there are any adult education classes that have creche facilities. what problems are you facing with the MS fatigue, Pain Mobility you could get meds or one of us may have a tip for you. Best of luck. Sandra.


optimstic
5 months ago

Mostly fatigue and balance.. burning feeling down my body, and shoulders pain that triggers at night.. I’m taking gabapinten pills twice a day, that’s it.


thingy003
5 months ago

@optimistic I’m sorry that I can’t help you with anything other than echoes of the sentiments that have already been offered. I just wanted you to know that you are a true warrior and you will forever be a hero to your children.

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