Sounds like you aren’t in a good space. One thing I know about life in general is that our minds are a powerful tool. Our thoughts contribute to how we feel. I struggled with depression for a looooong time and while I still take meds for it, it has been the hard work on my thinking and false beliefs that really changed things.
It isn’t easy. Life can be really challenging. Do you have good support? Is there anything you can do to feel better. Even something small? Sometimes it really is the small things that help make a shift.
Hope you are feeling better when you get to readinf these responses.