@whitneya you’re in shock I should imagine, it’s hard to be told that you have MS over the phone, that’s what happened to me and I was thrown even though I was expecting it. Do you have a good GP? If so please talk to them about how you’re feeling. I’m very concerned that you’re thinking about suicide. Hang in there, it will get better I promise. Allow yourself time to grieve and get over the shock.
As someone said your work are skating on very thin ice, but maybe you need to walk away as it sounds as if a fight is may not be what you need right now, and you say you can afford it. Do what you feel is right and helps you.
Keep yourself cool in this hot weather, cool baths / showers and plenty of water and be kind to yourself when you can. Most of all please believe it will get easier as you come to terms with your diagnosis. It’s not irrational to be churned up, it’s a big deal being diagnosed. Keep talking to us here, we all understand and we’ve got your back x