This spring a friend of mine committed suicide and the ripple effects are just so profound. Apparently she always struggled in the spring after the long dark winter and this year was worse than others and pressures from her job as a professor compounded the issue. She was an avid horseperson and had many friends in that circle but of course we don’t see as much of each other over the winter and were shocked that she took her own life. If she had only reached out…
So- it sounds like you have confided in your mom and I bet she would help if she knew you were struggling right now. It can be hard to find hope and direction when our future is so uncertain and sometimes doesn’t seem very bright. In those days I consider all the progress that has been made since I was diagnosed in 2005 when there were only two treatments that now in comparison to current products are not even thought to be that effective! Now I am on something thought to be much more effective and we know so much. Progress is even being made in remylination concepts as my steps slow I hope they hurry up!
Regardless there is always something that I can and I stay focused on that instead of what I can’t. While I am no longer riding at shows I can help score keeping and judging knowing that many volunteers made it happen when I was competing and now I am making the show possible and staying in touch with my friends and show organizers that are very grateful to have someone with experience help out.
I’m also picking up some of my previous hobbies that are less physically demanding like music and reading. I also try to find ways to volunteer and give back and typically find I get more than I give in many cases through who I meet and what I learn. It can be hard to get started but am always glad that I did-