Last reply 6 years ago
The father in law…GRRRR

So, my mother in law passed away in April 2011 due to cancer. Since then, it has become apparant that my father in law is not the person we all thought he was. When she died, there was alot of money on the table, left to be divided. He ripped us off. We took what we got and forgot about it…it wasn’t worth fighting for (well, it kinda was), but based on morals we didnt. Two weeks after she died, he told us that he needed to go and find someone, not a gf, just someone he could spend time with to help him cope. Two weeks after that, there was a new woman. She is now living in the family home. We refuse to speak to her, but are never rude. Many fights we have had over her. But more recently, we decided to investigate buying a house. When my fiance told his father, his reply was “what happens if jess can’t work anymore?”. My fiance replied with, “Dad, she is fine. And you can’t live based on what if’s. This is a risk every person takes when buying a house, not just people with MS.” He then replied by saying “Yes, but what happens when she turns into a vegetable”!!! Are you for real…thats really helping with our positivity! Not to mention the fact that you are my father in law, and now i have to know that when you look at me, you see a girl sitting in a wheelchair, unable to talk, move, feed herself, and needs her ass wiped and help showering. That’s just great. This is coming from a man who up until a month ago didnt even know i have MS. Since Sandra died, he has visited once. He ruined our engagement party by sitting crying at the table all night, and when asked by my fiance “wwhats wrong” he said “I’m crying cuz Julie isnt here!” (Julie being the new woman, whom we told was not invited, and if she were to step anywhere near the place would be asked to leave.) Anyone else have these problems?! I just can’t stand people who label you. It’s like my grandmother. WHen I told her I have MS, she was a blubbering mess. I was like, “So, my test results have come back, and a new lesion has shown up…so I officially have MS.” (then the tears started) “Now before you get all upset, there is lots of treatment out there Nan, and there are different severities. Mine is mild. Just look, I’m walking and talking and everything is fine. It’s just a disease, like your osteo…i’ll deal with it.” “Oh, you have to do the treatment jess, you have to blah blah blah” “Yes Nan, I intend to!” “What do you have to do, tablets??” “Um, no…daily injections”. Then she lost it again. I said to her, please don’t be sad…i’m not sad…its an answer nan. Be happy that they found it, and now I can deal with it. Since that day, she wont talk about the MS!

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richi1990
6 years ago

Hi, its really sad to read all of this. ACtually i kinda had a problem like that. My ex girlfriend broke up with me because of her family. Her family told her very bad things about how it was going to be living me, that there was no future with me and stuff like that, i felt really bad because i thought she loved me, but her family was more for her than me. It all happened when she went back to Italy to see her parents. Well having ms is not the end of the world, i think. Its been a year and a half since i was diagnosed and im all fine. I got very good news last monday, that was my anual check since im using interferon. So, everybody should see the good part of it. Its a bad thing, yea, but also we have to change our life styles for healthier ones. I always try to see the good part. Just live the life, is short and beautiful, and in my personal opinion, knowing that i got ms made me realize how beautiful life is and i started to apriciate everything around me, even the really small things. 🙂


jessie
6 years ago

i know exactly what u mean. People make u feel like a liability. What his father said crushed me. How could he say such a horrible thing i thought? and then i sat, and i thought about it, and realised that even if i were a vegetable, i would still live a happier life than he does…not saying much for him now is it??! People are pathetic!


richi1990
6 years ago

yeah, totally agree with u Jessie! This is just one more thing he have to deal with in our lifes, and wont stop us doing what we want! we are totally normal people, who breathes, walk, etc. Life has wonderful things that we should appreciate more than those stupid and horrible things stupid people say!


richi1990
6 years ago

sorry it was ‘we have to deal with’ 🙂


Becks
6 years ago

my classic ‘tale of woe’ was my now hubby’s friends….we had been together 4 years (engaged 1 year) he knew about my MS after the 3rd date and the night before we flew out to Cyprus to get married we met some of his friends – i thought they were wishing him luck but he told me after that they were advising him that it wasn’t too late to back out because I had MS and basically did he really know what he was letting himself in for and he should get out whilst he still could – charming!!!!

Other of his friends think I am taking the mickey as sometimes i am walking on sticks/crutches and others I am in my wheelchair – they have never asked or found out about the condition even though we are both very open about it and so they think i don’t really need to be in Wheelie, its laziness and i’m just getting hubby to run around after me – double charming!!

Hubby just puts it down to ignorance on their part and tells me not to worry about it but I find it a lot harder to shrug off.


loulou
6 years ago

Becks, I cant believe the ignorant b……..rds!!!!!!!! hope your husband has nothing to do with them anymore, they are not real friends, I cant believe it!!!, we didnt know we were going to be dealt this “crap”
Do they realise they don’t know what maybe round the corner also, woe betide they ever get a serious illness, maybe they’ll think back at what they said to your lovely husband xxx


jessie
6 years ago

my thoughts exactly loulou!


Becks
6 years ago

unfortunately he is still friends with them but i try and have as little to do with them – i have my own separate very busy social life and loads of friends who are very supportive so i couldn’t care less what they think but it frustrates me on his behalf as i worry sometimes that hubby doesn’t get the support he needs away from me

hubby has always said he could get run over by a bus tomorrow and i feel sorry for these people more than anything as i know i have a good-un who can cope woth the unpredictable but how do they know their other halves can? 2 other couples that we knew also get married last year – the the bride at the first wedding died suddenly aged 32 after 4 months of marriage and the groom at the other has a brain tumour – i said we were the lucky couple – and i really believe that.

its took a long time to try not to let his ‘friends’ get to me but when you’re low its harder to ignore those voices in your head which fill you full of doubt about the burden that you are…..but then i try and snap out of it and remember all the stuff i do for hubby and the house and mentally stick 2 fingers up at the world and the ms 🙂


clairest
6 years ago

I empathise with these posts. Not only do we have to cope with the diagnosis, we also have to deal with others’ attitudes and reactions.

However I think that those MS-ers who get so very cross and angry about others’ attitudes and reactions to diagnosis really should take a different approach; the ‘stress’ of these situations can affect one’s condition.

In my case, once diagnosed at 24yo (now 46yo) educating myself about MS rather than collapsing in a pathetic gibbering tearful heap and feeling sorry for myself, and then passing my new-found knowledge on to those around me has been key in me keeping my sanity.

Friends and family were frightened; now they’re not – they’re reassured.

Have a happy Sun-Day 🙂


cameron
6 years ago

I’ve had to cut out several ‘friends’ who in one way or another were getting me down. Some were too in my face about everything and talking about MS the whole time, with ‘helpful’ suggestions. Two others made unkind remarks to me and I realised that I couldn’t put up with the stress. I cope with the MS but I can’t cope with anything additional and I certainly can’t be pleasing other people. I think this is part of the ‘loss’ of the illness, but hey, we have to survive and get on with it!


indigojane
6 years ago

Reading all these post,i think “what a load of ……these people are” You are all wonderfull human beings living with a condition that has no choice in how it treats us all. I,m getting mudled here.I,m thinking of getting cards printed to give out to all those idiots who know NOTHING about MS. I,m signing off now as i,m getting more muddled.
Janex

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