Last reply 1 year ago
Stooped to a new low…

So morning msdebators as I have all of a sudden found my voice shift wise I would like to share something with you. In previous articles I have posted the fact that I am shameless I now know this is a lie I was kidding myself for this morning I feel shame a crippling shame that’s worse than any feeling I have ever had.

So after a sleepless night of tossing (behave) and turning and not being able to switch off the old cogs, rusty as they may be. I have finealy decided to give up on the idea of sleep and get up and make me Sen a nice cuppa Yorkshire tea. Upon stumbaling into the kitchen I discover the kettle is empty this is a cardinal sin in Yorkshire “after thas used it fill the fu*ker up” (fingers point to the wife to be now starfishing nice, cosy, warm and fucking very much asleep upstairs in our bed *jelius grimace*) all is forgiven tho I had to ship her in from abroad (Lancashire) she’s beautiful enough to get away with it and is still after 5 years leaning the customs of Yorkshire. Anyway this is not the problem a few clangs here and there and it’s full again, gone somewhat off on a tangent as ever. The thing I am most ashamed of is the fact that……

I look in the suger bowl ? after pouring my water onto that sweet little baby of a Yorkshire tea bag and there’s fuck all in it not even a grain. this simple won’t do, it’s a emergency ? if I had signal I’d ring a bloody ambulance but I don’t so instead I think what will do… upon looking in the fridge I see fuck all no honey ? or anything just want something sweet so I enjoy my brew. Upon closer inspection I see a jar of morello cherry jam I pick it up open the little fucker and shove in my teaspoon not thinking about the ramifications I dolop a large spoon into that hot and wet mash of the finest herbs in all the land and give it a stir. My mouth is watering and I feel my body tingle (probs just the symptoms of ms but roll with me while I build up the picture) with anticipation as I slowly raise me fav Fox sake mug (it’s got a picture of a fox ? on it and it’s says fox sake, it’s reet good I got it for me birthday ? from my 6 year old he he) where I’m…. I sorry got distracted momentarily by someone scraping wallpaper off a wall on the telly it’s quite enthralling. Oh yeah, I take a big slurp, yukkk it’s bloody awful that poor little yorkshire tea leafs that has come from a little tea tree lovingly cultivated and nurtured from a tiny little seedling ? grown in the sunny hills of gods own country (Yorkshire of course). I feel shame at last and I feel must make a public apology to all from the people’s republic of Yorkshire ( PRY ) and all drinkers of tea the world over. So “soz” everyone please have mercy on me as I will not waste it I promise I will drink every drop. I will hang my head is shame as I have my 89th STD (Sit Down Piss) of the evening while I think was it really worth the bother crawling upstairs and going through all the effort of pouring the kettle etc etc……..

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Anonymous
1 year ago

Brother doubleo7hud
it was indeed a moral sin, so the Yorkshire anceint druids have been summond to pour their great & wise wisdom (shouldn’t all wisdom be wise!) they have looked at this terrible betryal of the Yorkshire Tea code, deliberated on all the expidential circumstances, it was considered if you had spilt a tea due to you health that is deemed more than acceptable but to deliberatly & maliciously change the natural order of the Yorkshire cuppa is simply unforgivable.
they cannot let this pass, as the worldwould implode, but due to the fxt you fess’d up.
the sentance is:
3 x on Ilkley more by tat’s
4 x Hail Joe Root’s

Peace be with you Brother, stop fretting abou stuff & get some sleep you muppet!

Brother Tog – High Priest of the Ancient Order of Tea Drinking (Sheffield Branch)


doubleo7hud
1 year ago

Baby’s = sleep me arse, just about nodded off on the sofa and they awoke the monkeys ? been climbed on an farted at ever since. The litlist en had a surprise for her sleep deprived daddy too she dropped her back al o’wert shop


mmhhpp
1 year ago

Very funny! I would feel exactly the same! Xx


red-suzuki
1 year ago

HaHaHeHe……..brilliant @doubleo7hud………as HP of AO of TD (SB), get thee to a bed you muppet, thee brain sounds addled & hope thee gets a sugary cherry jam less cuppa soon. even down south it sounds a……..erh……. shudder gruesome mix & with……..gulp……. yorkshire tea too….the essence of all builders tea down here. may your black puddings, whippets & flat cap wearers, by ‘eck ‘go to thy foot ‘O’ thee stairs’ forgive thee. @Red Suzy


Anonymous
1 year ago

@doubleo7hud I rmember those lovely days of small children, “fond sigh”

But they do grow up, one of mine has already left home “big sigh”
& only two years till the final one leaves “waiting to sigh”

I did workout what was creating them though & had the sense to stop at two
plus third children are always such weirdo’s – & I know – I am one 🙂

you could try stopping fucking with your cuppa tea & see if the Yorkshire Gods will let you sleep sometime?

TTFN 🙂


hels99
1 year ago

You have morello cherry jam in Yorkshire?!

Wasn’t like that in my day.

Ex-Ilka Moor branch 😉


Anonymous
1 year ago

It’s probably an import, that came with his missus,

“buy one lancastrian girl & get a few jar of morello cherries – free”


hels99
1 year ago

Ah I see – my other half just got a tub of mushy peas…


Anonymous
1 year ago

@hels99 – literal lol –

maybe if you buy a jar of cherries a lancastrian comes with it?

war of the roses – we was robbed – I want a re-count


hels99
1 year ago

Quite!


doubleo7hud
1 year ago

@red-suzuki nay idea wat thee just said @tog1 casnst tha translate. I think he’s one of them simple folk from down int yonder I worked aht a bit o it for me sen at least they got good taste in tea at least down in the firey pits of ell. 😉

And in response to thee tog1 me yorkshire bredbin My tots are still small enough to fit in a cage 🙂 big shit eating grin. Yours are all growd up and if there owt like I was at that age your fecked.

@hels99 it was from M & S too good shit on toast but not in tea


Anonymous
1 year ago

awesome Saturday afternoon thread 🙂

I think @red-suzuki said dat e wuz a softie suvener brickie type, but he dus like a rite gud cuppa tea

& Huds, my kids are nowt like me, one wants to be an accountant the other a bloody lawyer, :0

I just wanted to party all the time & be a rock star at that age, this younger generation are such a great disapointment, 🙂


doubleo7hud
1 year ago

I got her passport stamped at the border everyone was paid off who needs to be it could be worse she could be from Leeds I’m glad the borders of yorkshire skip round that place.


doubleo7hud
1 year ago

Visa sorted too


Anonymous
1 year ago

Leeds PMSL 😀

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