So morning msdebators as I have all of a sudden found my voice shift wise I would like to share something with you. In previous articles I have posted the fact that I am shameless I now know this is a lie I was kidding myself for this morning I feel shame a crippling shame that’s worse than any feeling I have ever had.
So after a sleepless night of tossing (behave) and turning and not being able to switch off the old cogs, rusty as they may be. I have finealy decided to give up on the idea of sleep and get up and make me Sen a nice cuppa Yorkshire tea. Upon stumbaling into the kitchen I discover the kettle is empty this is a cardinal sin in Yorkshire “after thas used it fill the fu*ker up” (fingers point to the wife to be now starfishing nice, cosy, warm and fucking very much asleep upstairs in our bed *jelius grimace*) all is forgiven tho I had to ship her in from abroad (Lancashire) she’s beautiful enough to get away with it and is still after 5 years leaning the customs of Yorkshire. Anyway this is not the problem a few clangs here and there and it’s full again, gone somewhat off on a tangent as ever. The thing I am most ashamed of is the fact that……
I look in the suger bowl ? after pouring my water onto that sweet little baby of a Yorkshire tea bag and there’s fuck all in it not even a grain. this simple won’t do, it’s a emergency ? if I had signal I’d ring a bloody ambulance but I don’t so instead I think what will do… upon looking in the fridge I see fuck all no honey ? or anything just want something sweet so I enjoy my brew. Upon closer inspection I see a jar of morello cherry jam I pick it up open the little fucker and shove in my teaspoon not thinking about the ramifications I dolop a large spoon into that hot and wet mash of the finest herbs in all the land and give it a stir. My mouth is watering and I feel my body tingle (probs just the symptoms of ms but roll with me while I build up the picture) with anticipation as I slowly raise me fav Fox sake mug (it’s got a picture of a fox ? on it and it’s says fox sake, it’s reet good I got it for me birthday ? from my 6 year old he he) where I’m…. I sorry got distracted momentarily by someone scraping wallpaper off a wall on the telly it’s quite enthralling. Oh yeah, I take a big slurp, yukkk it’s bloody awful that poor little yorkshire tea leafs that has come from a little tea tree lovingly cultivated and nurtured from a tiny little seedling ? grown in the sunny hills of gods own country (Yorkshire of course). I feel shame at last and I feel must make a public apology to all from the people’s republic of Yorkshire ( PRY ) and all drinkers of tea the world over. So “soz” everyone please have mercy on me as I will not waste it I promise I will drink every drop. I will hang my head is shame as I have my 89th STD (Sit Down Piss) of the evening while I think was it really worth the bother crawling upstairs and going through all the effort of pouring the kettle etc etc……..
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