Last reply 4 days ago
so lost

I was diagnosed in October 2018 and since then I’ve just lost myself completely. I cry all the time. I dont’ want to be here anymore. I use to be fun and happy and I don’t even know, ready to live life and now I pray to die in my sleep and cry every time that alarm goes off. I’ve become a mental burden to everyone around me. I hate myself and hate that God chose me to have MS. I can’t be positive when all I read is that I will end up in a wheelchair. I already know that the day they try to give me a wheelchair is the last day I’m on earth, no matter what. I’m not even budging on that a little. I just don’t want to go on. I hate doing the stupid injections and look like I’m in an abusive relationship, I haven’t felt my feet in 8 months. Everything is stupid and I hate everything, me most of all. I get angry with those “Ms made me positive” posts as they only positive is that it’s taken a few years off this horrible life…. hopefully.
I’m so hopeless.

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jackie904
4 days ago

Hi. This is the first time I’ve posted on this site but I just had to respond. I’m sure you don’t want platitudes but it really isn’t that hopeless. I would really urge you to talk to someone, your doctor, MS nurse, friend… I’ve had MS for 11 years and it isn’t all bad. A few months ago I also suffered with Anxiety and I felt completely helpless but a course of CBT helped me see things differently. Not a miracle cure but something to work with.
By the way you don’t have to persevere with the injections. There are alternatives. I used to inject Rebif, 3 times a week and dreaded it. It stung like mad, gave me flu shivers and had similar site reactions. After speaking to my Neurologist (a few times) he changed my medication to Tecfidera which are tablets taken twice a day. It took a while for my body to get used to them but now it is 100% better than the injections. Thank you for having the courage to post how you feel. I wish you all the best in finding some hope.


stumbler
4 days ago

Hi @melanie1976 and welcome.

MS can be a huge burden, which sometimes seems overwhelming. What I’d like you to do is printout what you have posted and ask your Doctor to read it.

It’s never easy living with a lifelong medical condition and we all need the right mental state to allow us to exist. Anti-depressants aren’t a sign of weakness, but they must be considered as part of our toolkit, to help us carry this burden around.

And, yes, as @jackie904 suggests, talk to your Neuro with a view to switching to a Disease Modifying Therapy (DMT), which suits you and your lifestyle.

Having MS does not mean an express one-way ticket to a wheelchair. I’m almost 35 years since my first episode. I don’t use any aids indoors, although I have a wheelchair for outside. But, I haven’t had the benefit of the array of treatments which are available to you now.

Life can and will go on. And, there’s no reason why you can’t enjoy it


chezy17
4 days ago

Hi @melanie1976 from reading your post, your diagnosis is so very raw.
I think the first thing you need to do is as stumbler says, stop googling MS, it won’t help in some ways but if you do, look for the positive posts.
MS is not a death sentence, and not the the end of your life trust me, I’m still kicking. I’ve probably had it 5 years that I know of, I’m more fit than I was pre diagnosis and I appreciate the small things in life. Look for the positives, however small. Know that it’s OK to feel crap, sleep it off and get back up again. Believe me, I know what it’s like at the beginning, my ex walked out at the same time as my diagnosis but I’m still kicking and I’m still smiling. Surround yourself with good friends and family and know that you won’t always feel like this. I have a blog, more to show that it’s not the end of your life, but trust me you will start to smile again 😊.


supermum1983
4 days ago

You might never need to use a wheelchair. You could be fittest person in the world have an accident and end ip in one. Cant live on what ifs. I think about it as well but i dont let it take over.

I was fed up this week as well. But i had a lovely day today had a full english treated my self, had to have a sleep when i got in. Please see a doctor do you have any support??

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