Last reply 6 years ago
Over reacting to help?

I’ve noticed a tendency of mine to over react when deep down people are just trying to help me.

My father in law started trying to open my wheelchair for me ansd I just started shouting at him, saying he of all people (he used to be an ambulance driver for patient transport) should know better. Now, fair enough if someone tries to move my chair when I’m sitting in it without asking me, but I just feel bad for reacting in that way. We were in a bar, so the music was quite loud, according to my wife I did come across aggresively.

Does anyone else find they over react to people trying to help? I don’t know if its me still coming to terms with my MS, after four and a half years.

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6 years ago

Five years after diagnosis I am still not quite accepting the impact of this condition although I am blessed with few symptoms although sometimes it take me by surprise. I am always, without exception, embarassed when anyone has to help me although I don’t react angrily, inside I still react and I think I come across as pathetic.
Be kind to yourself, this is not an easy thing for anyone! But also be kind to others, it is not easy for them either to know what the right thing is to do to be supportive rather than patronising – it’s a fine line I find and I probably react differently depending on my own life state.
Perhaps it would work, woth people that you come into contact with regularly, to state explicitly the nature of help that you do and don’t want help and give some guidelines or set some boundaries at a neutral time (e.g. not in an emotional way) so that other know what to expect and when it will not offend to offer help. 🙂

6 years ago

I haven’t gotten to the over reacting stage but I do find myself constantly apologizing for the help. The other day I could just barely walk and was having a hard time doing anything…my boyfriend had to carry my stuff into the apartment, help me walk across the apartment and help me get undressed and ready for bed. The entire time I kept apologizing that he had to help me. Drives him crazy when I do.

6 years ago

Hell yeah @gav. I am a stubborn barsteward because of it – noo, don’t hold the door open for me, I can do it myself!

Sometimes I just accept help now when it’s given because it makes life easier in the long run

6 years ago

I was very much like Chels-have an amazing partner who at times has had to do everything for me and I would apologise over and over again, feeling really guilty for needing help. Now, I accept that he helps because he loves me and accept that. It’s been a learning curve for him too though of learning how much/ how little to do and when to just step in and help as opposed to waiting for me to ask…definitely a learning curve and adaption for us both:)

6 years ago

hubby gets really annoyed with me as all i ever do is say sorry….sorry….sorry – think its a guilt thing feel like i’m putting everyone to soooo much trouble. I’ve learned with people helping that sometimes it easier to let them do smtg for me – smile and say thanks – and carry on. People often feel helpless and they are only doing it out of kindness. Most of the time they ask first and i say i’m ok and don’t need the help so everyone’s a winner…

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