Last reply 3 weeks ago
Not a warrior

Well, I am a 63 year old woman with RRMS for past 17 years. My symptoms are somewhat invisible, unless someone sees me stumble and fall. I am in the process of ending my career as a psychologist because my brain doesn’t work well enough. I have a history of anxiety and depression, cramps, weird sensations, weakness fatigue and my favorite (not) nausea and dizziness. I don’t feel like a warrior. I am tired. I used to talk all the time. Not so much anymore. I am soooo tired

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sarah_graham
3 weeks ago

@nmbuy you are a warrior in my eyes. How long have you been feeling like this? Have you talked to your doctor or nurse about it the symptoms?


nmbuy
3 weeks ago

@sarah-graham
thanks for responding. I have had lifelong depression and anxiety. But my professional identity is something I began developing fairly young, and it is me. I don’t know what is underneath that identity. Who am I? People want me to say I am retired. I am not retired. I did not ask to end my career.

It really has been a slow decline over past three years. So, now I can focus on eating right and exercising, making my home livable. I have been crying alot.


stumbler
3 weeks ago

Hi @nmbuy and welcome.

You are a warrior. Your career has been lasting more years than most healthy individuals, so it may be considered that now is when you should be concentrating on yourself.

Removing the stresses and pressures of your working life will potentially benefit your MS.

So, don’t look at this as the end of something, but rather the start of something. Enjoy the time for yourself, you deserve it. And, there’s no reason why you can’t volunteer and use your skillset on your terms.

There is life after retirement……….


nmbuy
3 weeks ago

Hi @stumbler
thanks for your response. For me, i don’t think it is retirement. It is being disabled.

Am I being weird for resenting it when people call it retirement. I qualified as disabled on my private disability insurance. My neurologist agrees I can no longer work. So why use a false term like retirement. Is it to make others happy? Is it genuine?

Sorry that Is also what I feel about being a warrior. I am not. I am a fat old woman with MS. I can’t move quickly enough to be a warrior.

Does this make sense?


stumbler
3 weeks ago

@nmbuy , you’re in excess of 60 which is in excess of when most people desire to be retired.

I know exactly how you feel, as I retired at 50. Yes, it was a Voluntary Early Retirement deal, but I didn’t feel that I had a choice. My initial feelings were that I was used up and thrown on the scrapheap of life.

I struggled to find a purpose at first, but, eventually you’ll start to see the possibilities.

It is a start to a new chapter, so look forwards not backwards……..


kitty369
3 weeks ago

Call it what u want, just chill out and take some time to look in a different direction. U have worked longer than many I know and u deserve to be tired ms or no ms. Listen to your body, look after it and enjoy time, u have no battle to win xx


dramaqueen
3 weeks ago

I have had MS for 28yrs and I’ve been retired since i was 25. Both my parents my brother and my partner died young and never got the opportunity to retire. Retirement to me means its time for you to choose how you use your time. I joined adult education classes and studied pottery took my city and guilds. This is your opportunity to enjoy anything you choose. I think there will be lots you can offer to many. The future can be as rewarding as you make it. Good Luck on your new journey. Sandra. x


sarah_graham
3 weeks ago

@nmbuy I know its hard but think of this as a new chapter in your career. You said its the end but is it really the end of your career. You can start a new career and you might surprise yourself you might find something even better. But you wont know if you try.
Just take one step at a time and one step into a new life will be enough.
I know a few warriors in myself that cried including myself and i have learnt crying is a release of emotions for me, like my body is washing my pain and sadness of the idea that i might one day i be trap in my house. (But that one day may not come touch wood) Now i have learnt to stay positive and now begin at home i been doing my home studies of photography a lot more and drawing again. Until i can go back to which i hope i will in 2 weeks.
Please don’t think this a end and i know it will be hard but think of it as a new chapter and the warrior is going to raise again. There a song i love at the moment and it reminds me am still standing and i will run again. If you like to have a listen its called Karmia All the kings horses.
Thinking of you and you raise again as a kick ass warrior against MS !! and you have support from your army on here : )


nmbuy
3 weeks ago

@sarah-graham

thank you . I looked up the song. It is wonderful. If I could remember my apple password I would purchase it. LOL
thanks again


nmbuy
3 weeks ago

@dramaqueen

words of wisdom thank you


nmbuy
3 weeks ago

@stumbler

when I relax and just think—a number of things come to mind. Thank you for your kind words


nmbuy
3 weeks ago

@kitty369

you are so right. I am going to chill.

thanks


potter
3 weeks ago

Your going to love being retired, you will feel so much better. I retired at the age of 45 my mother had died of ALS and my father of cancer. My mother was part of a ALS study because she had so many family members with ALS or MS. They told me I would have a 50 percent chance of being diagnosed with ALS or MS. I had a pottery studio that I potted in when I wasn’t working as a decorator. My husband and I decided that we had enough money to live on and that I should put my ceramics degree to use. I wasn’t even diagnosed until I was 55 with MS. I had symptoms of it off and on since my 20’s but never a definitive diagnoses. My husband retired recently and it has also helped me, he no longer brings his stress home from work with him. You will need to find something to do, pursue a hobby or write a book. My brother in-law drives a blood delivery van for the Red Cross, my husband restores old cars and of course I work in my pottery studio. I am currently working on a window grill with handmade glass discs set in large terracotta tiles. You can let your imagination soar, a friend of our lost her job at age 60. She has always wanted to be a mid wife so she is working as apprentice and her husband has taken up Drone racing. Potter


robw
3 weeks ago

My dad unfortunately passed from a heart attack about a month ago at the age of 71. He had battled MS for the past 15 years of his life. He had such a great attitude. I miss him dearly. Dad had secondary progressive MS.

The reason for this post is that approximately 4 months ago, Dad had a UTI and when tested it was some type of “super infection”. Upon receiving the phone call to go to the ER to get treated intravenously, he did so, and came home that evening better than he had been in 10+ years. This lasted several weeks. Energy, enthusiasm, mental clarity, you name it. We asked his GP if he could get another round of this treatment about a month later and the physician responded with a “no, your dad would have to be diagnosed with still having this infection and we can’t be giving super infection antibiotics to everyone, as this is a last line defense for the general public.” I don’t want to get anyone’s hopes up, but I am convinced, concerning my dad, the treatment he received, at least temporarily kicked MS’s a## for several weeks. It also wasn’t the day of clarity or so that some dying people have days before their demise. This was immediate, long and sustained. Although he didn’t get up from his wheelchair and walk, he sure as heck benefited from this treatment.
I hope this helps someone and God speed to everyone that suffers from or has a loved one that suffers from this suck a## disease.


vixen
3 weeks ago

Hello @nmbuy, I am at the same place you are, thinking about stepping away from a professional career, although I am 10 years younger than you. I am kind of looking forward to making myself useful in different ways. With your skills set, there could be lots of options for you in advisory work, assisting with charities etc. Just because you retire, you are still in possession of your qualifications and huge wealth of experience. As said above, retiring is the natural order, and most people don’t have MS either! You will find a way to be content, sometimes it means we have to learn to think outside the box and open yourself to new things x


grandma
3 weeks ago

Hi @nmbuy I’m 62 very close to you, had the beast for 26 years, back in those days you could still be fired for having ms. Tried to work, but again in those days one didn’t even get the interview if ms was mentioned, if you didn’t tell them and got the job, if you relapsed, and word got out, which it invariably did, one was fired for “witholding relevant information” good terminology wasn’t it? So don’t feel bad about it, at least you have been able to work and to a great extent make your own decision about when you finish, that’s something at least.🥊🙏🏻


cameron
3 weeks ago

I’ll be devil’s advocate here and suggest that at the age you are most people without MS would be thinking about life post-retirement. For some people it can’t come too soon (as was said to me: ‘ if I could retire at lunchtime I wouldn’t come back in the afternoon…’) and for others it will be an ongoing disaster. For everyone, though, it’s something that has to be addressed. In your case, maybe working has been the escape position from the MS. It was for me and I really didn’t know what the future would be like without that purpose. I did my best to try and plan for it and had lots of ideas. The planning process got me through a transitional period but most of these first ideas came to nothing, to be replaced with new ones as I got to grips with a more leisured routine. Before I left work, a retired friend told me: ‘you won’t realise what stress you were carrying until you’re no longer carrying it’. How true that was. xx

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