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dramaqueen
3 weeks ago

How is your MS affecting your life at present When were you diagnosed and what type of MS .
You may be lucky and never have another symptom but on the other hand, there are drug treatments available now. On this forum, people will give their advice and the tools to help you manage at this scary time. Life is what you make it and why wouldn’t you marry.


pelican
3 weeks ago

I can hardly walk tbh, maybe a few steps before my legs give in. I’m 26 in a month and was diagnosed when I turned 20. My ms symptoms are fatigue, no balance, my emotions tend to taunt me. I have speech problems, my vision is blurry at times despite the opticians telling me I have 20/20 vision, I have fallen over and fractured quite a few of my ribs. I was working as a pharmacy technician and now I’m housebound with little to no contact with the outside world. It’s daunting at times to step out on to my doorstep let alone go out. The reason why I feel like I won’t get married is I can barely look after myself let alone another soul. There are only 3 things in life that are loved unconditionally and that’s 1. A woman 2. A child 3.an animal. A man is only loved as long as he provides something.


pelican
3 weeks ago

Forgot to mention I have RRMS


stumbler
3 weeks ago

@pelican , Shift.MS has the following vision :-

“At Shift.ms we believe that MS doesn’t mean giving up on ambitions, just rethinking how to achieve them.”

So, there’s no reason why life shouldn’t continue for you in the way that you desire.


peterfrancis
3 weeks ago

@pelican

Having MS should not stop you from doing most things, depending on how bad your MS is of course.

Why would having MS stop you from getting married?.


pelican
3 weeks ago

I u derstand and I try my utmost best to stay positive and have a positive look on life.
I’m just finding it hard as my thoughts tend to taunt me and marriage is one of the main thoughts.

The thought of who would accept me like this, especially for marriage


grandma
3 weeks ago

@pelican ms doesn’t stop you doing anything, you just have to become an expert on finding different strategies to deal with things. I can no longer walk more than a few steps but I have a mobility scooter and an electric wheelchair. Can’t do the stairs and more but the council have installed a lift so I can get upstairs to my bedroom and my disabled bathroom. The council also installed a downstairs toilet 25 years ago on the indistence of the physiotherapists at the hospital. I also have a ramp at the front so I can drive whatever wheeled vehicle I’m on straight into the house. I have lived in my home for 43 years and they’re carrying me out of it in a box! I’m 62 years old, have had the beast for 26 years, have bought up my family, become a grandma, still swim, dog walk, caravan, etc., basically there is nothing you can’t do if you really want to. Don’t be so disheartened, you will find the right person, no real reason why you shouldn’t have a family, let’s face it, the one thing that’s pretty much guaranteed is dads knee will always be there to sit on be it in a sofa or a wheelchair🥊😜


sarah_graham
3 weeks ago

Hi @pelican
I have RRMS and at the moment I cant walk very far too. I had 2 weeks in a week and I have accepted and learnt that my body needs to heal from the attacks. I am 25 years old and once this relapse is over with am going to go back to work and properly go out with my friends with out a stick and wheelchair. I mostly miss walking my dog on long walks at the moment I can only last 15mins. However that not going to stop trying to walk her longer but I have to listen to my body.
A long you put your mind to it you can do it however what I have learnt you have to think of your body and it does need to heal. Heal first then do what you need to do don’t stop planning. At the moment am hoping my legs will heal it for July so I can walk for Cancer research for my friend hen do. That my aim at the moment.
Have signed up for a buddy? I have signed up and am still going through the process but its moving very fast. Its nice to met someone that will understand and have wisdom for you also some to talk to about life in general.
Life does not stop it just sends bumps in the roads you just need to drive through it and say come on bring it!

If you ever have a bad post it on here and this supportive community will respond and talk to your ms nurse and she or he can help. That is what the nurse is for.


pelican
3 weeks ago

Just wanna day a massive thank you to everyone that’s commented. They have helped and given me hope. How do you guys manage controlling your emotions?

I haven’t yet signed up for a buddy. How would I go about doing that?

With my experience with ms I just find it hard to be positive. It’s hard when your mostly alone and have dealt with everything g by yourself for most of your life


zara
3 weeks ago

@pelican
Hi
Im also from an asian background so understand our culture has its own views on our condition.
Thought wise i have had a few dark periods and found talking honestly to the people around me and also mindfulness meditation has really helped
Ive always been a positive person and this had rocked me a little. You’ll get there at some point. Doing little things makes a big difference.


merfield
3 weeks ago

[email protected], this site is very supportive and helpful but I do appreciate that Asian attitudes to ms may well be different and that your concerns are real to you but but… be positive.
Unless your family are very traditional you may find a wife from another culture. And we are all here to support and encourage you – xx


strictlysoca
3 weeks ago

I’m not from an Asian culture but as far as I have experience of students in my care there is not one singular idea Asian culture. You could meet someone who does not want to conform to ideas of disabilities being punishments or some how need to be hidden. Things are changing slowly. I hope that this is not patronising to you.

A man has not just to provide to be loved mate! If you try looking past that yourself then women will see you as worthy. Some women might be looking for a forward looking guy who allows them to be the career go getter. 🤔

Wishing you all the best


stumbler
3 weeks ago

@pelican , here’s a link to the Buddy Network:-

https://shift.ms/find-a-buddy


pelican
3 weeks ago

Again guys thank you. Your words have really helped and given me some hope to build on. I think I was just having a bad/sad moment but I really appreciate all the support and I will keep you guys updated! 👍🏽

Thanks for that @stumbler.


mamawals
3 weeks ago

MS sucks but you make your own happiness. Everyone in life will eventually face adversity. Most people will experience significant health problems. MS does not end your life. It does not make you less of a person. In fact, adversity is often what helps us figure out who we really are and how much we are capable of doing. Figure out what you can do that makes you happy and do it. Do not live in fear of rejection or ridicule. After all, no one’s opinion about you really matters except your own. Also, finding someone to marry often happens at the most unexpected times. Maybe it will happen, maybe it won’t, but it’s not worth worrying about. Keep your chin up!


vixen
3 weeks ago

Hello @pelican, I’m so happy that you feel you can reach out on Shift; there are lots of souls out there that don’e engage with anyone or anything, so it’s a huge positive that you do. It’s horrible that you were diagnosed so young. I was only diagnosed 2 years ago at the age of 50 and it was a massive shock. In one was, you could say that I’m fortunate that I have had marriage, career, a child and it’s correct that those things are blessings and I’m thankful. Every day. BUT, the other end of things is that aside from MS, I am entering a phase where my friends of the same age are growing older and becoming more creaky, more susceptible to the types of things that affect people in middle age. Also, I don’t have the decades ahead of me that you will, and in that time, thewre will be huge leaps forward. I mean, most of the DMDs avaialable weren’t inven invented 15-20 years ago, what will a further 10 years bring?

Secondly, I have many Asian friends and have spent time travelling with them in India. Of those people I know, a condition like MS would be considered an ‘unfortune’, but would not exclude anyone from full immersion in cultural and community acceptance including, I’m sure, marriage. For me, having MS has taught me a valuable lesson, and that is, learning to think outside the box. you have to grow a new set of eyes and look from a whole new perspective, and that’s not easy! Maybe counselling could help you to do this?

Do you get much support from your family? I understand the importance and value of marriage and family. I have a friend whose partner married him with crippling cystic fibrosis and a limited life span. Love knows no bounds. With that, comes the ability to love and value yourself. You are a handsome, honest, truthful young man with the same opportunities as others, but which might have to be aquired through differnt methods than originally planned! Stay strong, stay connected and look to the future x


cameron
3 weeks ago

What strikes me is that you seem to be going through this without the right medical support. A good team is one that recognises the problems you are having and gives you ongoing support, solutions and advice on how best to manage symptoms. I don’t see any evidence of this happening in your case. So many MS issues are manageable, but – as has been said – you need to use your eyes and ears to think round the problem and then pursue things with your medical team. If this all seems impossible and you’re in a spiral of depression, the sensible thing could be to ask the GP for meds to improve your mental health. It’s excellent that you’re thinking in terms of a buddy – hopefully that will kickstart the beginning of better things to come! Sending big hugs, xKay


pelican
3 weeks ago

@mamawals, @vixen, @cameron reading your messages really helped and put a smile on my face. I’m really glad I found shift tbh. Couldn’t imagine the train of thoughts I would have if I did t express my concern on here and the support has been brilliant. I live at home with my mother, she’s the only family I have is my mum and she isn’t really educated to k ow how ms works but she does everything for me I.e. help me cook, does my shopping etc. I have spoken to my GP to refer me for counselling so just waiting for that letter lol. Guys I’m sorry if I’ve not answered your question but my cracked screen doesn’t help me read. But honestly thanks everyone for your words. ❤️

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