Last reply 1 year ago
I wish I could divorce MS too!

Friends, Romans, countrymen, MSers lend me your…eyes

A little snap shot into my life at the moment,
my soon to be Ex-wife (her idea not mine) has stated the reasons she wants a divorce were well before my MS appeared, but she stuck about out of….? sympathy?
however under the influence of wine – she’s recently said to me & on more then one occassion
“How in 2012 she realised she was married to MS & she didn’t want that”
& the latest gem, we had arranged to gather the children to tell them as a unit ensuring thay had support & time
as this news was going to come as a big shock to them,
but yesterday she jumped the gun – told the one who’s still at home & just friggin’ rang up the other who’s miles away at uni’ & not due home for a while.

your thoughts please?

& BTW any of your words won’t be wasted – I know she’s stalking me on here

Foot note: MS has shown me two things very clearly,
the amazing compassion of some people I hardly know at all,
& the disgusting selfishness of some people I thought I knew very well.

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doubleo7hud
1 year ago

Was over your way yesterday At Meadowhell nearly got a divorce myself after a day of shopping 🛒 With three kids a disablist daddy and a tired and grumpy mummy.

Your kids are older mate they will take it on the chin and will have friends round to support if not don’t worry about them.

In regards to thee Sen mate if you want a natter or a rant just wang me a message I’m not as daft as I’m cabbage lookin tha nos cock.

Sure you been through worse with ms over the years mate be reet

KFT keep feetin toggy


Anonymous
1 year ago

@doubleo7hud – The local don’t call it MeadowHELL for nothing 🙂

I wasn’t bothered about telling the kids, we had too & yes they’re older but both are studying for their exams!!
but to plan a sensible time frame & have that unilatterally blown away was just so down right selfish


Anonymous
1 year ago

@tog1 Sorry to hear you are having such a hard time. IMAO you are better off without her! She obviously didn’t take her marriage vows seriously! MS is tough in a relationship but if you really love someone you love all of them, it’s not a choice you just do. She is obviously not your soul mate! Which means the one is still out there so keep looking if you want.

That is terrible the way the news was broke to your kids, and at such a bad time. It’s rough at any age to find out your parents are divorcing. But they are old enough to see how selfish she is being.

Anyway take care of yourself (we are not all this bad – promise)

Avril


stumbler
1 year ago

@tog1, I too am sorry that you are having to go through this.

MS has a nasty habit of gatecrashing a relationship. Neither of you invited it, or wanted it. All your aspirations for the future disappear, but only one of you may be able to easily rebuild their life.

Any cracks in the relationship suddenly become gaping, insurmountable chasms.

It takes a strong person to stay. Yet, it takes a stronger person to walk away.

Being honest with each other now will potentially save months, even years, of related stress, which will only be good for your MS.

It’s a difficult situation, but it is better navigated if everyone behaves in an adult manner.


mmhhpp
1 year ago

Really sorry to hear that tog1…. yes ms is af…. i am also going through a tough moment atm….i would like to give good advise but i dont know what to say…. you deserve better!!! Xxx


dashernot
1 year ago

Sorry to hear about another blow you have been dealt. As a good parent you will be worried about your kids but this is where they will show you how strong they are so you can be strong for yourself. So look after yourself first.


leena
1 year ago

Sorry for the kids, but the way I look at it….things always happen for the better. Life after divorce will make you look at life differently. You feel refreshed and reborn again (especially if your partner was uncaring and nagging).


kimberlina
1 year ago

@tog1 Jfc, it is not hers to share, how selfish and narrow minded, I’m so angry on your behalf right now! If my ex told anyone important to me about my diagnosis, I’d blow a bl**dy gasket! YOU choose who you tell, why you tell them, and when and how it’s done. It’s not as simple as announcing a diagnosis, it’s important to help your kids understand what that means for you, and only YOU can put that into words. Everyone who knows about my diagnosis knows on my terms, and I take the time to explain the disease, how I feel about it (“I’m Kim, not Kim-with-MS”) and how it feels. She has stripped you of that right, which is just not fair. I hope you are able to have some of this discussion with your kids on your terms.

I agree with your footnote so so much. It takes something like this to see people for what they truly are, for better or worse.


red-suzuki
1 year ago

Oh Toggy…What an absolute ar*e…I think now the perverbial sh*t has hit the fan I think the MS side has got to come from you & you alone now…am afraid lady will make all sorts of stuff up about it…..Its going to be a tough go around especially as your having to ‘deal’ yourself. There will be the 7 stages of denial you go through……all I can say is when my little ladies found out (dare I say in fairly similar circumstances)….they dealt really well with the MS news, somewhat better than the mum & dad news….All I can say is be strong (someone has to be)…..the kids will hear all sorts of things now, just keep it together for your sake & theirs my friend & tell it like it is & may well be if asked.


Anonymous
1 year ago

Bleedin’ brain fog,
it should have clearer & said “we had arranged to gather the children to tell them (ABOUT THE DIVORCE) as a unit ensuring thay had support & time”, not telling them about the MS, they’ve known for ages
we told them then went to Disney land & by-passed all the queue’s because of my MS & their customer service. might as well shown them a benefit first.

I am sorry to hear you are having such a hard time in the relationship. Relationships are hard, harder with kids and even hard with MS in the mix. I wanted to add that I think the main benefit of forums such as this is to benefit you and your family. With that in mind, I would simply caution that I think there is evidence that hard and tramatic situations can trigger relapses. My hope for you would be to practice mindfulness or other techniques to keep your mental health in balance during this time that is surely to be difficult.

When you mention she will “stalk” you, it seems your desire is for her to see how bad she is. In no way am I judging you or your spouse on what the details of the situation are, but it seems you are likely upset and angry and harborring that internally. For your own well being, right or wrong, it might be wise to practice grace and letting go.

Lastly, I am someone is who is married to someone with MS. I have spend countless hours researching and reading up. Our family changed diets and all “we” (mostly me) did was talk about nutrition etc. It became pretty clear MS was getting into the middle of our lives, instead of living our lives. I read somewhere, my wife has MS, she is NOT MS. Its easy to make MS the center rather then the relationships. Maybe your wife was more tired of MS then you?

Again in no way am I passing any judgement on your situation based on a blog post. My only encourgement to you would be to mind your mental state to optimize for your own outcome in a tough situation for you, your spouse and your kids.

Wishing you all the best!


doubleo7hud
1 year ago

@tog1 I know mate I should of just said the naughty word that starts with a c first thing that came to mind when I read that this morning. Know what you ment pal it’s out of order.

Benefits to divorce for you too mate lots of them you can leave the sh1thouse lid up at all times, piss in the shower to celebrate, find a hot young msdebating nympho on shift, your stress levels will drop about 99% I could go on Forever and will do if you need me too.

Bros before hos, peace ✌️


Anonymous
1 year ago

lol, I always put the seat & lid down, I also clean the house so pissing in the shower is counter productive 🙂
I like the idea of a (not so young) msdebating nympho though 🙂 after all one of the perks of MS is free viagara

Thanks mate I really needed a smile today


hels99
1 year ago

Sorry to hear this @tog1. None of us ‘chose’ MS but life throws crap at all of us in different ways (I’m struggling to shake off the toilet references).
I know this is a rubbish time but please take the advice above about mindfulness (or similar). You don’t need a relapse on top of this. Something someone said to me when I was going through a (very) rocky relationship patch was that whatever happened, or whatever path I chose, things would work out. Obvious I know but it stuck with me. Take care, things will get better x


doubleo7hud
1 year ago

options there if you wanted to you can and you could always rinse the shower out after 😊 and back to the bog lid you need not put seat and lid down anymore, no longer must you hold in that burp or fart and scratch your arse to your hearts 😌 content my friend for now your free to be a caveman and do what the f you want when you want. Yayyyy face

The been given viagra like smarties was my next point (that’s a pun I think) 🍆 Hopefully your nympho won’t turn it that colour tho that would be bad in a good way, it’s only nob shaped object I could find on me iPhone emoji Things

And smile your tits off brother and say “it be reet”


naomih
1 year ago

My nightmare ex husband causes me actual physical pain when ever I am near him! He (too lazy to bother looking Ms up) doesn’t believe me that is related to the stress of being around him. I cannot moderate his awful behaviour but I try (unsuccessfully) to ignore him. I honestly believe that had I not got a divorce my health would be much worse. As for you kids, they see things with more clarity than we understand. I found my daughter crying just after we moved out and it broke my heart when she told me she was crying because she felt guilty for being happy that it had happened. Keep your chin up and retain your dignity, the kids will respect you for it. And being a calm island will p**s off your ex far more than allowing her any more dialogue.


lucyh
1 year ago

I’m with @californiadreamin and @stumbler (always agree with the latter!!) on this one. You might feel like having a bun fight in public, and people might feel they are supporting you by saying how awful your wife is…but the stuff written here will be on-line for years…and years…

Yes, she went back on what you had agreed (I’d be mad about that too), but MS is pain for you, AND a pain for her too.

I recently listened to my husband taking about a shoulder injury…and wanted to tell him to stop whining about it…after two weeks. He’s been listening to me/MS and doing the lion’s share looking after our family…for NINE years. Yes, I’m in constant pain, but I realised it must be a pain to listen to it day-in and day-out. Someone wisely said, there are now three of you in the relationship, as MS has join you too.

Take care, let her know she has pee-ed you off and then really try to move on with new pals, maybe MS ones who know what it’s like. xx


thecuriosity
1 year ago

Sorry to hear this came at such a terrible time, especially for your kids who are I have no doubt already stressed out with exams and studying and now the added bonus of their mum throwing a grenade at them.

I’m with the majority here that the anger isn’t worth it, frankly that’s energy that’s better wasted doing things you enjoy. And it’s better to split now than to have years of backdated resentment later on down the line.

Oh what, I should have made better use of the skip the line feature when I went to disney world after my diagnosis, it would have saved me from nearly passing out on the mine train queue. Worth it though.


dakotahighway
1 year ago

I am sorry that you have to see and feel this side of someone, someone that you thought would be at your side mentally and physically. I have RRMS and my husband has PPMS, before I was diagnosed I was “his legs” when he needed something done – once diagnosed he said to me- we will help each other now. My friend, let your friends on here help you now xo


potter
1 year ago

My aunt’s husband divorced her when she was diagnosed at 28, he told her he didn’t sign up for this and I had this happen to a woman in the neighborhood. They both ended up in assisted living because they didn’t have anyone to help them. I think divorce is quite common in couples who are living with MS. My husband and I are still good but I don’t know if that would hold true if I get really crippled. I have noticed that my husband is a little more tense with me lately, I encourage him to go visit friends or work on one of his projects. I am sorry you have to go through this. Potter


grahamjk
1 year ago

Hi @tog1 I’m really sorry you had to go through this but I know of at least two other people who have had the same done to them, like @avrilt said she clearly didn’t take her marriage vows too seriously and she’s clearly not the woman you thought she was or worth you getting stressed out over. But I’m sure the right woman is out there for you as it takes a very special person to handle the stresses and strains of us whinging and whining all the time and knowing what is coming still put up with us. I’m the third member of my family (my aunt,dads side and my cousin, mothers side) with this MonSter and we’ve all been very lucky that we’ve found good people to spend our lives with, and I’m sure that you will still. Have faith.
Graham

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