Belle 14/05/12
Last reply 5 years ago
Feeling a failure

I have been so close to posting on here so many times and never quite had the guts. Im really struggling at the moment I feel a fraud half the time as I dont have any of the worst symptoms and may never do. But I have days like yesterday where I literally had no recollection of where I left my handbag and had to go back to multiple offices in which I had had meetings and try not to look ridiculous that a grown woman could be that disorganised. I could see how foolish it sounded but obviously didnt want to announce that actually in the afternoon on a busy day my brain often decides it has no idea whats going on. I am very career driven and love my job but its long hours and very changeable and I just see myself making silly mistakes and ending up losing the respect of my colleagues becuase they dont understand. hate making excuses and am nearly always postive about my MS but somedays I really hate it, rant over 🙂

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danrb80
5 years ago

Belle I am so glad to hear this (sorry to say) i too feel a little fraudulent as like you i have bad days but mainly good days. It is so so so frustrating having that brain fart moment happen again and again it does get me down too. Voice your concerns on hear that is what we are all here for. 🙂

Im glad to hear from someone else who feels that same way as me.


ophelia
5 years ago

Rants are therapeutic believe me!! I’m having a ranty/crying week this week and shift is a safe, positive place to do that!! In regard to your forgetfulness I totally sympathise. The other day I lost my car….I totally forgot where I’d parked and I had a mini panic attack. Retraced my steps to figure out where it was! We all have days like this, you’re not alone.xxxx


ophelia
5 years ago

Oh and also I 1000000% know where you’re coming from about feeling like a fraud. The thing is though you’re NOT!! Rest, stay positive and keep smiling 🙂 xxx


inesmartins
5 years ago

You’re not alone. It is really embarrassing, for a young person especially…
I forget things all the time, I never remember where I park my car, and today I forgot the name of a girl that worked with me 4 years ago… I tried to remember and end up calling her Fatima instead of Celia. I feel so stupid… But dont stress, the best thing is to have a laugh!


danigirl01978
5 years ago

You are definitely not alone, I feel a fraud most of the time but when I am having a bad day I know am not and neither are you.
With reference to forgetfullness I have a habit of forgetting really simple words which can be embarrasing at times but also quite funny in certain situations!! Dont stress and Keep smiling xx 🙂


mermaid
5 years ago

Belle.

Can so understand how you feel as I have experienced similar problems in regards to memory lapses. As a publishing editor I meet prospective authors all the time and find it extremely difficult – not to mention frustrating – that I fail to keep track of who is who and where I should be at a particular time. Have had problems with balance and coordination for years now and initially attributed recent change in health to athritis. However, when I started to have severe tremors and problems with slurred speech, I decided to seek further help and I am now waiting for an mri scan. Despite a little apprehension, I feel relatively positive so don’t get too disheartened. Big hug on its way to you. x


mrss2008
5 years ago

I’m the same! I was diagnosed 2 years ago, then started a new job a year ago and didn’t mention anything, then had a relapse at work so ended up bursting into tears in my hr office when I was actually trying to ask what I should tell my boss. I’ve only had double vision with my relapses, so really minor compared to others, although it doesn’t feel like it at the time! 6 weeks after the relapse (and steroids) i was back to normal. Due to the nature of ms, we’re all going to have different symptoms. They’ll be plenty of people on here who are in similar situations I’m sure.
At work I’m trying to write more things down. I work at a small office so always leave my bag at my desk but I have a lot of projects and so much to remember. I wrote a post on here about memory a couple of weeks ago and got a lot of responses! Someone suggested brain teasers/games to keep your brain active.

Keep smiling and you’re not a fraud! X


mrss2008
5 years ago

Ps. I keep making the same mistakes. I try to write those down, but never look at what I’ve written down … Think I needed to make my screensaver show “lessons learned”!


bubblesgalore
5 years ago

I go back to work on Monday on a phased return. There is a huge part that is so excited at the prospect of getting back onto that working wheel, and there is apprehension in how my body is going to fair…… I can only see how i get on and just hope that it will be a long time before MS presents more problems for me at work.
xx


roni
5 years ago

I was told by a neurologist (socially)recently when I asked her about LDN, that she hadnt heard of it but ‘you look fine!’ Great eh! even though symptoms can sometimes (thank God) quite mild, they still effect your life. I am by no means as bad as I know I could be and have always thought of myself as ‘lucky’ but that doesnt change the fact my life has been completely turned on its head, I cant remember what ‘normal’ was but I know this wasnt it! You’re allowed to feel fortunate but never a fraud, yes your glass is half full but that doesnt mean its wrong to still want it topped up!


mermaid
5 years ago

Hi Roni. Very difficult to explain to those who have no comprehension of what those with MS experience on a daily basis. Admittedly I have not yet had my final diagnosis as I have yet to have my MRI scan but my doctor suspects MS. Over the last few months I have had occasions when people have said to me that I look great and other times when I have been accused of being drunk, primarily due to the fact my balance and coordination have gone completely to pot. My speech is often slurred and incoherent and I suppose it’s easy for people to automatically assume I’ve been drinking when they don’t fully understand what I am going through. I know my own body and it took me a while to realise something major was wrong. I have osteo-arthritis in my hips and hands so I naively assumed that was the cause of my deteriorating balance and coordination. However, it was the tremors and severe problems swallowing that sent me rushing to the doctor. Ordinarily I am a very positive and gregarious person, but I have my down moments and think that’s allowed, given the circumstances so don’t feel guilty or bad. x


Irene
5 years ago

I could have written that Belle and today is one of those days!!!
I’m sitting here at my desk in my classroom, crying, as I feel totally out of control as my brain does not want to function. As you say I feel a fraud as I am not displaying any major symptoms. I also try to be so positive, but today that switch is off as well!


Belle
5 years ago

Well today is a new day and thanks to all of you for your responses I have a had a very happy and productive day! I realise I have to harness the moments of energy and clarity and get myself organised in those moments to balance out the times when its not so easy. I have a great partner and family but it isnt the same trying to explain to them how it feels, and I can only hear so many times that ‘everyone forgets thing or loses things’ coz it is different to your usual forgetfulness. I am thankful that this is one of my few symptoms but even if this isnt always the case I generally feel positive just a bit too proud sometimes! 100% better to air it on here and hear people who know, really know what its like 🙂

THANK YOU!!!!!

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