Last reply 3 weeks ago
Dating

Morning all. I have a question to both Men and women. My wife of 20 yrs a few months back now decided she wanted to end our marriage. Her main reason was that she did not like the progression on my MS ending the line with” your MS is not what I signed up for” she must have missed the line in sickness and in health. It did hit me hard in the beginning because I was personally blaming myself but i have always accepted my MS.i have had MS for 18 yrs and 2 yrs ago was told my MS had moved to Secondary Progressive but MS will not beat me. Now on to my question. I have met somebody and I am going on a 2nd date with her at the weekend. Having only met her once she has come across as really kind and caring person and being an old romantic have kinda falling big time for her. As yet I have not mentioned my MS but told her a different story for my walking which i feel bad for as I hate lying. What I am interested in knowing is those who have been in a similar situation how and when did you tell your respective partner of your MS. I’m also interested in knowing their response good and bad please. I’m normally a confident person but with my ex-wife’s comment about her not signing up to my illness I am worried of my new partners reaction.

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guinness
4 weeks ago

@darrenc Don’t start your new relationship off on the wrong foot, Honesty is the best Policy.


bas76
4 weeks ago

Sorry to hear about your marriage but great to here you’re getting out there, I would agree with @darrenc. If you two start getting serious it’s gonna come out and you don’t want her to think your a liar (worst case) good luck with this I’m sure all will work out well.


darrenc
4 weeks ago

Thanks for that Guinness. Did you have MS when you met your partner.


darrenc
4 weeks ago

Thanks Bas.


guinness
4 weeks ago

@ DarrenC No mate, but I had Skeletons, in the cupboard,take it from someone that knows, if you start to lie, she will never trust you, and the relationship will fail before it even starts


bas76
4 weeks ago

Sorry I meant to say I agree with @guinness start off on the right foot.


peterfrancis
4 weeks ago

@darrenc

Remember that your prospective new partner is not your ex wife, 2 completely different people.

Hopefully she will be a lot more tolerant and understanding, when the time comes for you to tell her.

Best of luck


edmontonalberta
4 weeks ago

@darrenc

I agree with the others – never, ever lie unless you are planning something great such as a party or vacation for her. However you have dug yourself a small hole; the sooner you get out the better.

The fact that she is willing to go out with you a second time means she is interested. I don’t know either of you so am unable to suggest when or how you correct the mistake.

But when you do, tell her the truth. You have MS but it is no big deal to you. The reason you lied was because you were afraid of her response since of your past experience; fear sometimes makes us do stupid things.

Apologize then cross your fingers. I truly wish you the best…


jolea
4 weeks ago

Hi ya. Be honest. Your still at the dating stage. If she is a caring person she will be in love with you and accept your MS. Your not asking her to be in a relationship with MS. MS is part of you and you manage “IT” Do not let “IT” manage you.
Any disabilities can happen to any person at any stage in their lives. Your wife has not considered that. Love the person not the Aids. Keeping smiling do not forget the flowers on your date. Lol.
Good luck.
LJl. X🙅‍♀️


vixen
4 weeks ago

Hey @darrenc, nice one for getting yourself out there and fraternising again, especially after what you’ve been through. I’m jumping on the bandwagon here, you absolutely need to be up front. Do you have children by the way? You are living proof that MS doesn’t have to beat anyone, it’s in your mindset. Get out there and enjoy life; if this one doesn’t work out, it’s at least given you the confidence to put yourself out there again, and I bet a few months ago you couldn’t have imagined that. Onwards and upwards! X


rolly
4 weeks ago

@darrenc
sorry to hear about your marriage, and that your wife feels that she cannot cope with your ms, because that’s not what she ‘signed up for’.
glad you have found someone else, but my advice would be to be honest from the beginning. not quite sure why you felt you had to give her a different story about your walking, rather than being open about your ms. but i think you can still put it right by explaining to her why you felt it necessary not to tell her about your ms.
good luck!


lightning87
4 weeks ago

I agree, you should say as at the end of the day. If it’s not ‘for her’ then it’s best to know now before you develop feelings etc.

She’d be lucky to have such a man in her life. I am sure if she really likes you then the MS will be water off a ducks back.


hels
4 weeks ago

[email protected]

I’ve been diagnosed 2yrs so still getting used to things myself and wasn’t sure how to approach the dating situation like yourself. But I’ve told every date I’ve met by the end of the 2nd date, if not the first. Usually comes about if we’ve met for food and I chose a veggie option. That’s my lead into it, explaining why I don’t eat meat or dairy. I get it out there at the first opportunity. I thought it’s a good gauge of their personality as to how they react. All responses have been positive and one guy had 2 mates MS. They were far more progressed than myself so I ended feeling as if I didn’t really have a right to bring it up lol! Another guy had looked after his mum with Parkinson’s so automatically I started getting upset for him and his situation.

I say go for it. Better out than in. It’ll put more stress on you keeping it in. If they don’t like it then you haven’t wasted your time on someone without any compassion.

Fingers crossed she’s a keeper!!!


grandma
3 weeks ago

I had the same thing but mine was after 43 years of marriage, have had the beast for 26 years, but I dared to get Breast Cancer 7 years ago, and mr government stops carers allowance (which he had for 20 years) when a carer reaches 65, no matter how disabled the ‘caree’ is. You don’t get 2 diseases and then lose your carers allowance without it having an effect, he stuck around for 18 mths and then buggered off. Good riddance I say, but back to you, honestly is the best policy. Your partner might not have signed up for your ms, but a new one might quite happily accept you as you are, and if they don’t, they’re not the person you thought they were😍


dmargarita
3 weeks ago

i think you should go for it and tell her. I met my now husband 4 months after i was diagnosed (actually the first person i dated after) so i was very scared to tell him abot my MS, however i decided to go for it, and we got married 2 years after that. He decided to love me with everything, including the MS. I think you should give her a chance to decide and hopefully she will surprise you.
Good luck


chezy17
3 weeks ago

I was you 2 and 1/2 years ago except I was going through a diagnosis and it was out of the blue. He said he wasn’t happy, but I think it was to do with the MS as he asked alot of questions and of course there was another woman waiting to save him from me lol! Funny thing is, you’d never know I have MS apart from feeling shattered and I’m very positive about the MS.
I’m concentrating on myself and my munchkins so I can’t comment on how a new partner would react to it all but I would say be honest, there is no relationship without the honesty and if she really likes you, the MS won’t matter!

Goodluck 😊

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