Last reply 4 months ago
Christmas dinner disaster

I was at my mother in-laws house for Christmas dinner. My son and daughter moved back to Kansas last October from the island Palau. I thought I would tell her about a new aquarium that was about 200 miles from here. It is like a small Disney World of aquariums, I thought it would be a nice weekend trip if they got homesick for the island. She told me they would never think of going to a place like that. They would just fly to the coast which is a couple of thousand miles from Kansas. I told her that she didn’t need to be so snooty to me. We made of after a bit but my son started yelling at me. My husband and I left immediately, didn’t need the stress. Was I wrong in telling her she was being snooty and should we have stayed for dinner? I was wondering if my MS cognitive decision making had a hand in this disaster. I am tired of people not being able to have a decent conversation. It seems like when you ask a question or make a comment anymore people answer with the shrug of the shoulder and say “whatever”. It is impossible to have a conversation without being politically incorrect or because of insensitivity. When I was in college we would have great debates at a big lunch table and nobody left with hurt feeling. I guess I need to learn how to text and not really communicate anymore like the rest of the world. Potter

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4 months ago

Hey ar least you’re still ‘speaking ‘ to them. My only daughter ‘manufactured’ a one sided argument 8 yrs ago (I dared to get Breast Cancer and she, like her Father couldn’t deal with 2 diseases’ my only grandchild was 8 at the time. She only lives 2 miles away and I haven’t seen or heard from either since. Always send my grandaughter a Christmas Present, and for her birthday I have sponsored a guide dog puppy in her name. I pay a small amount each month and she gets the cuddly toy, the updates, the photos and all the info. When her Grandfather left me and home a couple of years ago, he started talking to our Grandaughter on Facebook, and as the ‘arguement’ was with me not him, we both thought that he would be allowed to communicate and eventually see her. Mum & Dad caught her Facebooking Grandad, took away the mobile phone! So we daren’t make any overtures but as she is now nearly 15, and at 16 she can legally make her own decisions so we’re living in hope for April 2020!🙏🏻🤞😍 There is always hope

4 months ago


Three things; first the written word sucks. I have gotten into way, way too much trouble with emails, texts, Facebook posts, etc… People are unable to hear voice inflections (or see the face); they think one is angry when one is just joking around (for example).

Second, it was probably better to leave rather than let things deteriorate further. Although in my family, Mom would have just separated those fighting during dinner. The advantage of having a large family… LOL

Third, if anyone in my family ever even thought about giving Mom sh#t; they would have been disowned! By everyone – immediately! Obviously you have different family dynamics.

On a different regarding the scenario you outlined; they could have just thanked you for the information then never went. Or you could have just responded that yes, their plan was better but if they wanted a leisurely drive across Kansas some day – you were just offering a unique Plan B…

Once again, I do not know your family or the history of the dynamics. Good luck…

4 months ago

Oh @potter, I feel your pain and annoyance. We now live in this ‘whatever….’ world, where staring at a phone over communicating with those around is breeding an awful sense of self- importance and arrogance. Family dynamics are the toughest for outsiders to understand. I hope you can reach a stalemate and keep the relationships open. I hope you got to have Christmas dinner, one way or another!

4 months ago

@potter , I’m sorry that Christmas ended like this for you.

There seems to be a generational divide, probably has been since the beginning of time. Expectations and values are different between generations and the two generations sometimes have a problem seeing the other’s perspective……..

4 months ago

@potter, what a miserable event – I’m so sorry. I think your daughter-in-law over reacted and it’s at Christmas times these things happen….. your son sided with his wife, of course. Put it down the Seasonal Stress ( we’re sold family happiness and harmony & it puts stress on us all) and in a while it’ll be forgotten. xx

4 months ago

Thank you for all of your kind words, maybe texting is not the way to go. I hadn’t thought about the voice inflection being part of the equation. My son’s wife is a agressive lawyer and can take care of herself. I am worried that there may be something wrong with his mental state. He has these angry outbursts and rants that he can’t seem to control. I would suggest a therapist for him but I know that would only cause a mess. They moved to a small town in November, I asked him why they didn’t want to live near us. He said the highways in town had cameras that watched you, he didn’t like that. He wanted to know where the cameras came from so I told him that they were put up with Obama highway funds. He started ranting and raving and stomped out the door, he was a Obama fan. Potter

4 months ago

Sorry @potter, I used to upset my daughter by being ‘over concerned and too involved in her life’. she told me was finding my concern stifling and made her feel stressed and irritated. So I’ve resisted the temptation and we get on much better. Maybe try backing off a bit….I want to help so pls don’t get me wrong.its worth a try.xx

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