Last reply 2 weeks ago
Brain Fog?

Doing a Crossword and stuck on 1 Down, I asked the Wife, Female Relative, ends in “UNT” she said “AUNT” I Replied pass the TIPPEX………..

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grandma
2 weeks ago

Oh you naughty boy🤙


guinness
2 weeks ago

@grandma They say laughter is the best medicine, I could do with Bottles of it at the Moment, I’ve gone back through yrs of peoples posts and what’s missing is there are very few funny posts, Stories, Jokes, etc


stumbler
2 weeks ago

The wife suggested we spice things up a bit and play Doctors and Nurses…

So I put her on a trolley in the hall and ignored her for 48 hours. 😉


guinness
2 weeks ago

@ stumbler fantastic, I hope everyone reads and posts a joke, so thank you for posting the 1st joke of many- well I hope so.


stumbler
2 weeks ago

An oldie, but a goodie :-
 
A boy goes to the drug store with his dad and sees the
condom display.
 
Boy: “Dad, why do they do packs of one condom?”
Dad: “Those are for the high-schoolers for Friday
nights.”
 
Boy: “So, why do they make packs of three?”
Dad: “For the college guys for Friday, Saturday and
Sunday nights.”
 
Boy: “Then why do they make packs of 12?”
Dad: “Those are for married couples you know,
January, February, March……”


stumbler
2 weeks ago

I was walking home last night and decided to cut through the cemetery.
 
Three girls came up to me and said they were too scared to walk past the cemetery at night. So I agreed they could walk with me.
 
I told them I understood, as I used to get freaked out when I was alive.
 
Never seen anyone run so fast in my life (or after)


grahamjk
2 weeks ago

Hi all here’s a few for you
A farmer walked up to me and said “I have 68 sheep can you round them up for me”
So I replied “ok 70”

You can’t get a job as an airline pilot if your names jack because if you walk into the cockpit and say “hi jack” everybody runs off screaming

Eric Bristol came up to me and said “why have you put super glue on my darts”
I replied “ you just can’t let it go can you”

I’ve got a horse called treacle, he’s got golden stirrups

All courtesy of Tim vine


guinness
2 weeks ago

@grahamjk Thank you 1st one I’ve only just worked out – ha ha ha ha aha,


guinness
2 weeks ago

@stumbler @grahmjk Looks like it’s just us 3 Fellas. Has everyone lost their sense of Humour?


grandma
2 weeks ago

Comedian doing stand up show in working mans club, constantly interrupted by drunk at their back. Comedian “the dictionary definition of a barracked is someone who is an master in the art of baiting people, and you sir are a master- baiter!”boom boom😍


guinness
2 weeks ago

@grandma sometimes people just want a gentle nudge, luv it thank you You naughty girl xxxx


stumbler
2 weeks ago

It was entertainment night at the local theatre, “The Amazing Claude” was topping the bill. People came from miles around to see the famed hypnotist do his stuff.
 
As Claude went to the front of the audience, he announced, “Unlike most hypnotists who invite two or three people up here to be put into a trance, I intend to hypnotize each and every member of the audience.”
 
The excitement was almost electric as Claude withdrew a beautiful antique pocket watch from his coat.
 
“I want you each to keep your eye on this antique watch. It’s a very special watch. It’s been in my family for six generations.”
 
He began to swing the watch gently back and forth while quietly chanting, “Watch the watch, watch the watch, watch the watch…”
 
The crowd became mesmerised as the watch swayed back and forth, light gleaming of its polished surface. Hundreds of pairs of eyes followed the swaying watch, until, suddenly, it slipped from the hypnotist’s fingers and fell to the floor, breaking into a hundred pieces. “SH*T”, said the hypnotist…
 
It took three days to clean up the theatre.


guinness
2 weeks ago

@stumbler is there no end to you Talent, I want you to apply to go on the CHASE, sorry I had to read it again before penny Dropped but very funny


guinness
2 weeks ago

Guinness shouts frantically into the phone “My wife is pregnant- and her contractions are only a minute apart-is this the First child the Dr asks- No shouts, Guinness- i’m the FECKIN husband


guinness
2 weeks ago

I don’t know how people get up and get motivated to go to the Gym at 5, 6am – at 2pm i’m still struggling sometimes to get motivated to even SMILE- But i’m still trying to make others SMILE


stumbler
2 weeks ago

And, a topical one :-

My wife and I spent this morning laughing and joking and putting all of the clocks back a few hours.

It was just like old times.


stumbler
2 weeks ago

I ordered some pills for my premature ejaculation a month ago.

Still haven’t come.


guinness
2 weeks ago

@ Lovely to read and see that you havn’t lost your sense of Humour.

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