Last reply 3 years ago
Been invited to a party.. :-(

I’ve been invited to a friends 50th this coming Friday.. it will be only the second trip out in public with people I know since I’ve been diagnosed back in April 2014. What is there to worry about I hear you ask…? well I am worried about questions en mass about my wobbly walk & walking stick. Also a constant worry is having an accident (you know the worst kind in front of people..!!) I’m going to drive so I don’t drink.. it’s only 10 minutes walk away from where I live but I can’t contemplate walking that far.. 🙁 I’ve put off a few invites out and am finding I am happy to be at home every evening now.. I don’t mind going out during the day so not a more serious condition like agoraphobia (?) just yet.. I used to love the idea of a party.. meeting people.. having a few drinks and maybe throw some shapes on the dance floor..!! but now it’s starting to keep me up at night.. (got a feeling an ex boyfriend might be there so maybe a bit of vanity on my part that I am now disabled.. 🙁 ) I think MS has knocked the stuffing out of me of late because I am still having a relapse (since Sept 2013 so maybe I have got Secondary Progressive MS.) The constant pain in my low back is bringing me down and ironically actually getting PIP just makes my disability more official.. no more denial.. maybe time to face the music but forget the dance I think.. !! sorry needed a vent..

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tabbycat
3 years ago

Oh I understand! There is no easy answer, but if you want to keep a social life, you have to just tell people what is wrong and then ask them how they are. Most people won’t ask you anything at all as they will be vaguely embarrassed and will be delighted when you talk about the weather, or what was on TV or what is in the punch. I am always delighted by how boring most people find my Ms and little they are interested in it.
Head straight for the comfiest looking chair and sit down. If needed get others to get you drinks and food and play queen.Sometimes the best company are kids or cats.
Good luck and I really hope you go, even if it a rotten party, you will have something major to celebrate because you got out of the house and faced the world.


northernlass
3 years ago

Thanks @tabbycat you’re right about celebrating getting out of the house after dark .. It’s in a community hall so not quite as comfy as a home but yep find a nice seat .. and watch the world go by… I’ll be leaving before the drunken pulling up onto the dance floor starts “Cumm oohhnnn dance wit meeeeee…!! Hic ” 🙂


Anonymous
3 years ago

Been there done that worn the T shirt!!! Its a stage we all have to go through! I didnt want anyone to look at me any differently so I never wanted them to know!! I can only urge you to go It wont be as bad as you think and Its better than sitting alone feeling sorry for your self!! When you get there look for sonmeone you know and stay with them.If there anything decent they will look after you etc Go and have a laugh it will do you good! First time is the worst but If you dont go It might never happen again. You have been invited because you are wanted! Hope you have a good time x


stumbler
3 years ago

@northernlass , MS can be isolating, if we allow it to be so.

So, make the effort, following the advice given above. And, as for you fears, all I can say is “Prepare for the worst and hope for the best”!

Just get out there and enjoy yourself. 😉


northernlass
3 years ago

Thanks you lot… I will make the effort but will be keeping my car keys close at hand in case I need to escape.. and bless you @snoopy I live with two teenagers so never lonely or on my own as they are both “IN-NIES” rather than “OUT-TIES”… 🙂


justjon
3 years ago

Get out there and try to enjoy yourself would be my advise. Yes there will be loads of questions some people will be really interested others not so. You’ll find out who your true friends are as they’ll stand by and support you! Slurring of words and falling about was normally the sign of a good night out. I always see it as a cheap night out for me lol. Save myself a fortune! Don’t isolate yourself get out there and try and enjoy it as best you can. That’s what I always try to do. Good luck!


tiggermum
3 years ago

The people who invited you obviously know your condition. If anyone else wants to know, they can ask you. It is your choice whether you tell them. Be strong and go and enjoy yourself. 🙂


reddivine
3 years ago

Get some friend to give you a lift. No use arriving knackered! Find a seat and insist on bagging it….don’t go mad on the dance floor, no shame in having one and then having a sit down…
Go easy on the drinkies. Pop the painkillers before you go!

If its a big “do”, you aren’t going to be the only one with a stick and so what? better than falling over and landing splat ain’t it?

Bet you look good on the dance floor….


northernlass
3 years ago

Thanks you lot 🙂 I will make the effort but the only slight problem for me is vanity.. the place may be full of people I’ve known for ages but don’t know closely (Small town downfall) and as for the Birthday girl we have known each other for ages (used to work together when I was about 22 at a petrol station while I was topping up my funds to continue with my travels) and I’m quite chatty so always stop and say hi when I see her in town and are friends on FB.. but I haven’t told her more than I have a bad back (which I do) Not sure I’m ready to shout about me being disabled from the roof tops just yet.. found it hard opening up to a few friends as it is.. maybe I’m still in the denial phase… Vanity and Denial yeah that sounds about right.. anyway I will put my glad rags on.. bling up my stick a bit and go and say hi and take it from there.. Don’t want to have a drink though reddvine in case I fall over and wet myself… it has happened before I was DX’ed and none of us could understand what had happened as one minute I was fine.. next I wasn’t and couldn’t walk either.. totally embarrassing but thank fully happened at a very understanding friends house.. all forgotten now except by me… :-/


tabbycat
3 years ago

Panty liners!


thecuriosity
3 years ago

Well, you won’t know unless you take it on, and it’s small steps like this which will make you feel better about everything. It will never be as bad as you imagine.


cameron
3 years ago

When I had to face this I made a pact with myself to leave at a certain time and when I got there, immediately told a couple of people I could only stay for the first part of the evening. At the back of my mind was the thought that I might change my mind and would then make up an excuse so that I could. I did leave when I said I would and felt a bit regretful, because it hadn’t been as bad as I thought. But ‘quitting while ahead’ gave me back some confidence. Always good to be in control.


tigerdes
3 years ago

I tried to carry on as if nothing happened and it wasn’t good for me. I wish I’d been more open at first and had people who understood rather than hiding away. I hope you go and have a great time.

Let us know how it goes


northernlass
3 years ago

Well I went and it was nice to catch up with some people I haven’t seen for a while.. No one asked about my walking stick 🙂 Ex boyfriend didn’t show up while I was there so that was a result, I’m glad I made the effort, the birthday girl was happy to see me and thanked me for coming..I stayed for a few hours which flew by but I thought best to limp out quietly after saying goodbye to my friend.. and then home to put my “Rock n Roll” jammies on and watch that allotment programme.. 🙂 Thanks for your words of encouragement it was good to get out for a bit


stumbler
3 years ago

Well done, @northernlass


tigerdes
3 years ago

Really glad to hear that you went and had a good time 🙂


justjon
3 years ago

So pleased it went well for you! Hopefully that will now encourage you to not hold back anymore and just get out there and do what you can! Good luck!


judy-gy
3 years ago

Yay for you!! Jx

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