Last reply 10 months ago
Anger

I notice anger is never mentioned in posts. I’m furious. Anger at the MS, anger at the effects for me. MS is making me lose my business. If I lose my driving licence, I lose my home. My partner died a few years ago, what half decent man will want to make a relationship with a middle aged woman who may be in a wheelchair next year? Anger? Rage more like…

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stumbler
10 months ago

@bellecaspar , why shouldn’t we be angry. We didn’t ask for MS. And, we can’t give it back. We have a right to be angry.

But, being angry just makes us bitter and twisted, We have better things to do with our emotional energy. So, make peace with yourself.

The wheelchair is not a definite these days. MS is now considered a manageable condition. Medical science is providing us with more effective treatments, with more in the pipeline.

One thing that MS has given us is the ability to see what are the important things in life. This is a very laudable and attractive attribute.

You’re too young to be middle-aged. Life can continue. Don’t fight your MS, embrace it and manage it. Don’t lose your business and retain your driving licence.

Get out and about and I’m sure that anything is possible for you. 😉


edmontonalberta
10 months ago

@bellecaspar

Valid points; but how will anger & rage help you in any way? Since you own a business I suspect you are fairly intelligent. Being middle aged you have probably faced & defeated many challenges in the past. The fact that you were able to have a partner proves you have qualities others appreciate.

Being forced to sell my house is imminent; I suspect a wheelchair is in my near future. I lost my first wife 24 years ago to a nasty disease – I would not wish Scleroderma on my worst enemy. Yet rage & anger is not part of who I am today – if I go there I will drive those away I need during the rest of my life.

Life is a journey & we all have the same destination. Think & plan accordingly…


cammo
10 months ago

@bellecaspar if you have a good sense of humor, an interesting personality and have the self confidence to give a man the space to be himself and pursue the activities he is interested in then you won’t have a problem finding a decent partner. Wheelchair or no wheelchair.


kimberley85
10 months ago

I understand how this horrid illness can make you feel angry. However life is what you make it, MS or no MS. When I was diagnosed 4 years ago I was a 28 yr old single mum with a 5 year old, I lost my job due to my ms, I struggled day in day out bringing up my daughter whilst I wallowed In self pity. I felt sorry for myself for a good few months after diagnosis thinking that I was destined to be single forever because after all who would want a jobless single mum with a life sentence of struggles due to a disability that can’t be cured and would probably leave her in a wheelchair at some point, who’s lost 3/4 of her hair down to the medication she takes just to try and help her get through each day?
Then one day, I did a good deed, a friend of mine needed a place to stay for a few days, my daughter was on holiday with her dad so I offered him my spare room until she got back. Fast forward 3.5 years and that friend is now my fiancée, father of my second child, love of my life and absolute rock who adores me warts and all, who has vowed to be there for me and supported me through everything this illness has thrown at me.
My point being, it can all seem doom and gloom but you honestly don’t know what or who is around the corner. I’m a big believer in positive attitude and in my experience I feel much better MS-wise when I’m being positive rather than moping about being angry. I do hope your anger eases soon 🙂 xx


edmontonalberta
10 months ago

@kimberley85

Maybe because I am older, I have lived through almost everything. My sister was one of North America’s final “polio babies” – she has traveled the world – in Mexico as I type this. She has your attitude & lives life to it’s fullest…

Your positive attitude attracted a guy; even though you knew you had a challenging future. A challenging future as almost everyone on Planet Earth…

Nobody knows what the future will hold – nobody…


maj11
10 months ago

I’m 24 and newly diagnosed. I had one dream in life- to be a cop. Now that will never happen. My love life has also been complicated by the diagnosis. I am really new to this and I have felt a lot of things, but anger not so much. Don’t get me wrong, I COMPLETELY understand yours.

The thing is though, I was listening to a podcast by this Buddhist monk (don’t worry, I’m not trying to get all new age on you…this just helped me) and he said that once, he was walking through the forest with his teacher and his teacher handed him a rock and asked, ‘How does that feel?’ The monk replied, ‘Heavy’ so the teacher said, ‘Put it down then.’ And the monk asked why, and the teacher said, ‘It is only heavy if you choose to hold it.’ Of course, we cannot let go of our MS and there is a life that we will miss out on because of it. But in time, perhaps we can let go of some of the anger and hurt…for our own benefit. So we can free up our hands and hearts for better things.

I weep sometimes over this. But then, I move on and try to be positive. Because it is too hard on me not to be. You can be angry but don’t hurt yourself with it. Feel it and then move past it, if you can.

Also, the aforementioned comments about drug advancements etc, do provide me with some hope, I hope they do for you also.


brando
10 months ago

It’s easy to be mad are yourself and the world around you, sometimes that’s just what people need to do. but there’s always a time and a place we all have a bad days and we need to embrace them. because without bad days we wouldn’t have a reason to have good ones.

Don’t hold on to it, my secret to letting go is honestly forgiving the thing that is the source of the anger. forgiveness is not for others but for yourself.

I know it sounds weird but this simple thing has helped me more than any anger management or emotional control therapy ever. I hope all the best for you and your life.

Thanks Brando.


cameron
10 months ago

I’ve just looked at your profile and see you are quite new to MS – that likely means that you’re still going through adjustment. It took me quite a few years to get my head round it, in the face of other people telling me to ‘get on with it’, which I very clearly DIDN’T do for some time! What happened to me may well be the same for you- i.e. symptoms settled and the drug prevented big relapses. And as has been noted by others, the less emotional energy spent on agonising/worrying etc., the more the symptoms settled. The bladder calmed down, my sleep improved, both of which things improved my quality of life. The only practical thing I can suggest is to evaluate the quality of medical support you are getting, because IMO this is key to managing the condition. We need a sympathetic GP and a responsive neuro team and it’s worth making any change necessary to get them. I travel over 100 miles to my hospital, a small price to pay for decent care. Very best wishes, x


chezy17
10 months ago

Hey Belle.

Firstly, I’m sorry to hear about the loss of your husband, that couldn’t have been easy.

Now for the other issue, I can understand why your angry but the thing is what is the point? Being angry only makes us bitter as said in an earlier post. Being angry and bitter takes up way more energy and then you’ll miss out on the good stuff !!Why can’t you have your business and still have the normal life, just have to tweak it in some cases.
Like you I’m a single mum to two amazing kids, didn’t ask for it, my ex walked out halfway through my diagnosis. Was I a wreck yes, did I think my world was over, maybe but did I let it eat me up, not a chance!!!
We don’t need someone to make us happy, we need to do that ourselves. Work on what makes you tick, start a new hobby and find yourself again, concentrate on you and the kids, have much needed duvet days if you have too! Films and snuggles with the munchkins make the best days 😊.
I did just that and I’m still doing that 😊 and yes I still have my crap days where I decide to wrap myself up and have my own pity party, I did post something similar during one of mine lol! 🙈 I let myself have them and I get back up again!! Pretty sure that’s a song in Trolls!
What I’m trying to say is be happy chick, life is too short not to be and wrap yourself in good friends and family 😊.

Always said if I end up in a wheelchair, which is highly unlikely, I’m pimping it up to the max!!
Take care 😊

Chezy


zoec
10 months ago

Hi Bella, rest assured you’re not alone in this battle agauinst MS. Remember we’re in a much better position now with new treatments on the horizon but most importantly we all have one life. So, please don’t waste it, life is to be lived! X


finn15
10 months ago

@bellecaspar anger is understandable in my opinion, but I let go of negativity and stay strong and positive, adapting , living life the best way I can, for me and kids
When there’s nothing, we can still go forward regardless of situation and I remember there’s always someone who is unfortunately worse off in life and I def appreciate the here and now more
I hope things get better in time for you
Feel free to PM me
Take care


bellecaspar
10 months ago

Thank you everyone. Yes, I’m relatively new to this and struggling, maybe things will get better….


chezy17
10 months ago

It will get better, I was diagnosed a year after you and I made a choice to not let it get in the way because otherwise you miss out on the little things 😊.
Non of us can change the fact we have MS but we can change how we react to it 😊.
Let yourself have the bad days, just come out fighting on the good ones 😊.

You can’t start a new chapter, until you stop re-reading the last one!

I love my little life quote jar 😊.
I think I need a nap 😊.
Take care and keep smiling 😊.


finn15
10 months ago

@chezy17 great outlook and advice , that quote is spot on! And you never know what that new chapter is gonna be like

@bellecaspar Things Will get better, just keep looking forward

@edmontonalberta agree, nobody does know what the future will bring, that’s the beauty of life, but I would say that we make our own choices and live the life we are dealt the best we can – I totally on board with Choosing To Live Life

Take care all


rachaellouise
10 months ago

@bellecaspar – did you mention anger? ? That is my first name! I’m always mentioning how angry I am on here! You must have missed it. Honestly it makes you angry !
You know it’s hard but you can cope let me tell you. Your going through a lot , many big things happening all at once , it’s normal to feel angry and utter rage at times. No one knows what’s going on in peoples lives MS plus other “ big” things going on. . It’s okay MS is hard enough then Other stuff it’s ok… it will make you stronger in the end. Not something you want to take on board now but it’s true .
Sorry about your partner dying , that must be really painful. Your going to be Okay.,, you will be..,

IS the dmd your in not working. ?

Rachael hugs XX

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