velvet2623 13/02/18
Last reply 4 months ago
Am I experiencing brain fog?

Hi there everyone. Been diagnosed for 2 years now with RR. I was reaching out in regards to something that has been brought to my attention lately. I have a significant other, we’ve been together for about 7 years now. The other day we got into an argument because he mentions I don’t ask him questions, I don’t inquire about him or what he’s been studying, even though he does it on a daily basis, he also says I don’t want to talk about a lot of things often. I don’t know what to think. Sometimes, while reading a book he suggested, I find I need to write down notes to remember parts of the book so that I can later bring them up to him and put forth an effort to talk to him about it. I don’t know what to think or if this all makes any sense. I’m pretty happy in my relationship, I don’t feel too depressed, I don’t remember being like this before my diagnosis. Is this brain fog? Maybe just depressed? Not sure, never thought it’d be a problem, didn’t think it WAS a problem. Any thoughts?

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stumbler
5 months ago

@velvet2623 , when we are dealing with a condition like MS, we can become insular, concentrating on dealing with our problems and managing ourselves day-to-day.

It’s not so much being selfish, but trying to minimise our MS, rather than allow it to become a major player in our relationship. However, we can become embroiled so much in ourselves that we can overlook our partner and what’s going on in their life.

It’s another one of the balancing acts that MS forces upon us. We have to balance our self-preservation instincts with a need to maintain a normal life.


edmontonalberta
5 months ago

@velvet2623

Patricia – You were young when you got into your relationship & are still young. This may be part of the relationship challenge. Yet, let us pretend it is not…

Why do you need to ask him questions? It his responsibility to share his day with you when he would like to talk. It is his responsibility to share the good things & bad that he would like to talk about with you. It is your responsibility to listen (actually listen) & respond…

Maybe it is just me; but if my wife asked questions when I had not yet formulated my thoughts – it might get awkward & what I responded may not be exactly what I wanted to say…

Similarly, why is he asking you to read certain books to talk about? My wife & I have varied interests; lots of things she learns is of no interest to me – and vice versa. There are many things we have in common – we talk about them.

But her enjoyment of the Arts – have fun dear… My interest in sports or fishing – have a great day & I love you… Neither of us feels left out while the other pursues their passions. Make sense?


velvet2623
5 months ago

Thank you @stumble & @edmontonalbert I appreciate the honesty and the concern. I do feel as if maybe I haven’t been to emotionally available to handle some stuff, I definitely need to find a balance and get this diagnosis out of my head. I feel like my partner does listen and inquire on how I’m doing, perhaps I am in my head a lot and need to put out more attention.

@edmontonalbert I do feel quite fluttered when asked questions and am unable to prepare or something. Maybe its something I need to bring up to him. Either way thanks again!


potter
5 months ago

You need to make it a habit to ask him about his day or what he is studying. I ask my husband what is happening with his job while we are cooking dinner together and at the dinner table. I also watch television programs that he likes and I don’t really care for like working on cars or building a table. I have known many couples that seem to live separate lives and end up in a divorce. You have to make a effort if you want to remain a couple. Everything in life involves effort and work. Potter


edmontonalberta
5 months ago

@velvet2623

Maybe I am missing something yet I believe I am not. What we want is someone who will support us 100% everywhere & every time. And our partner wants this also. When this occurs, to heck with the rest of the world; we are complete!

Things will occur during our relationship as MS has done to mine. Yet my wife knows she can do whatever keeps her happy (within reason) so long as she is on my side. And I expect her to ensure I am happy. We had this discussion today.

Challenges in life? Guaranteed. With each other – not at all… Somehow you need to get to this stage as a couple…


velvet2623
4 months ago

Thanks for the advice everyone I appreciate it. Definitely some things to think about.


isaacson72
4 months ago

I write everything down. If I have to remember something in front of me for later, I will often snap a picture with my phone. I do feel like this has gotten worse over the last couple of years (I was diagnosed just over 2 years ago as well). I don’t know if it’s MS, stress or age. I’m only 45 but my job is very stressful so who knows. I also forget what I’m talking about mid-sentence (which everybody does, yes… but we with MS know it happens a lot more to us!). I forget words mid-sentence and stumble around to make my point. I can’t even wing it when leaving an out of office message on my voice mail – I have to type it out & read it when I record it. I can’t switch tasks at work very well, I get confused and make stupid mistakes. So multi-tasking is right out. But the memory is the worst thing. Long-term memory is totally fine but short term is horrible. If I had to discuss a book with somebody, I’d do the same thing you’re doing. I would never remember passages or points to discuss even an hour later. “Cog-fog” is a real thing and it sucks.


jackie1953
4 months ago

I’ve had MS since 1987, but wasn’t diagnosed until 1998 after I had a major attack and actually died in ICU while the 3 doctors worked on me. Will never fear death again-in fact, can’t wait for it! But, I had 3 sons to raise and what turned out to be an arrogant, narcissistic husband who left me after I was also diagnosed with breast cancer. LIfe went on, but my cog fog kept getting worse. My neurologist sent me to OHSU to the best MS doctor on the west coast for testing. They tested me for an entire day and the results were that yes, I do have cognitive problems and to keep my brain active with brain games, etc. I joined Big Fish Games and play a lot of hidden object games, play Word Chums with many people, but still have problems that my kids will not accept. They say I’m hiding behind it to excuse the bad things I say. Especially the daughters in law! I’m at my wit’s end. It does suck and it IS a real thing-Googling MS Cog Fog brought up pages of sites to visit to prove it.

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