Cathy74 07/08/09
Last reply 6 years ago
Dating

I was married when I was diagnosed, then I left my husband (nothing to do with ms), that was 18 months ago. I go out a lot with my friends and get attention from men, but I’m nervous of starting a new relationship as I don’t want to be a potential burden to anyone! Does anyone else feel like this??

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kiki
8 years ago

Think that’s natural. But, remember MS doesn’t define you, it’s just a part of you. Put yourself out there, get to know the guy first and then decide if you want to take it further, then tell him. When I decided I wanted to get serious about my boyfriend, that’s when I told him and hopefully you’ll get the same response ‘it doesn’t make any difference to me.’


Graeme
8 years ago

Too true Kiki. Love conquers all.


Anonymous
8 years ago

I know exactly what you’re saying Cathy. Aside from being a potential burden, my self-confidence has taken a huge knock since diagnosis. Logic tells me that I wouldn’t want anyone who thinks my MS is an issue in a relationship, but logic doesn’t always win when I’m feeling like crap!


Cathy74
8 years ago

Thanks guys. Rachie you really made me think about why I’m holding back so much, it’s not that I don’t meet men, or get asked out, I’m just really worried that when I do tell someone it may be an issue to them when it’s not really an issue to me anymore as I’ve come to term with it now. I just don’t want to have to deal/nurse them through their emotional hang ups. Does that make any sense?


kiki
8 years ago

If it’s an issue for them, they’re not the right person for you and it’s not up to you to nurse them through anything. If it’s an issue they haven’t got to know you as a person. Yeah, it’ll hurt if you like him, but as you’ve come to terms with your illness, that’s a much greater struggle and you’re stronger than that.


Anonymous
8 years ago

Makes total sense. There are a lot of people that I felt like I was nursing when I got diagnosed, so it makes sense that if you meet someone who could potentially become a huge part of your life that they’ll have a ‘mare about it. Ah well, just life I guess?


Sami
8 years ago

Thanks Cathy for putting this message , as this is exactly how I feel.
I went through a horrible break up last year , even having to have an injuction against my ex through his drinking problems, so therefore my faith in men and realtionships went to zero . Especially when i was told i was a freak and selfish as all i went on about was my numbness!!
So, going forward I always think the same as you , that what should I do?? tell them straight away or wait!!! But like my wonderful family and friends say .. if someone is really worthy of you , then they will accept you whatever .. and even after all this I am a total believer in fate!!!


Cathy74
8 years ago

Sami, it’s actually quite strange how alike your situation was to mine! I didn’t go into details on my sticker, but that’s pretty much how my ex reacted to me having ms. You sound like your friends and family are as fab and supportive as mine. I too believe in fate, and really feel that ms isn’t a barrier any more. Hope you’re keeping well. Cathy xx


kiki
8 years ago

That’s totally sh*t you’ve both had to suffer that at all, let alone after being diagnosed. I too believe in fate, ironically if I didn’t have to go through years of MS suffering, I wouldn’t have got to the situation where I met my boyfriend, who has been amazing and def made my life a happier place to be. I wish you both the same luck and happiness, you deserve it 🙂


Sami
8 years ago

Thanks Cathy and Kiki… i think this site is amazing and i am keepin very well thankyou , I hope you are ( and everyone else on here , is too).
It is sooo true that time is a healer and i totally believe in positive thinking too.
And yes Cathy it is stange that our situations are soo alike. keep in touch …and good luck in one day meeting an amazing man who is worthy of you!!xx


toast
8 years ago

I do not have MS, I’m here because my partner does. When we first met we got to know each other before she told me of her diagnosis. I guess she needed to figure out if I’d flip out and flee… Which I didn’t, which says more about how she handled telling me (which she did beautifully),than my ability to deal with it.


toast
8 years ago

Forgot to add, she’s the most amazing person and I’m prvilleged to know her xxx


Sami
8 years ago

Well toast.. she sounds wonderful and she is also lucky to have found a wonderful man too.
I am certain there are lots of lovely people out there, who would be the same as you.
Hope you both have a very happy future together.


stewhalley
6 years ago

Yes Cathy, I feel much the same, its very aukward. I thought the easiest way would be too look for someone who has similar difficulties but thats not worked either. I think Im destained for single for the near future, or maybe a cure may come, then it would be one big party. x


Cathy74
6 years ago

Hey Stew, I posted this nearly 2 years ago, and have to say that I was worrying over nothing. Nobody that I’ve dated since I posted this has had even the smallest issue with my ms. I’ve actually recently started going out with someone, and again he’s not phased by it at all. I think to us guys with the ms it seems such a huge thing to expect anyone else to take on, but if someone like you, they see you not the ms. Hope this helps and you meet a lovely lady soon xx

i actually got dumped a few days after i got diagnosed 🙁 sucks.so i’ve pretty much lost all confidence in men esp as it was after he told me he loved me and could see himself marrying me 🙁

i actually got dumped a few days after i got diagnosed 🙁 sucks.so i’ve pretty much lost all confidence in men esp as it was after he told me he loved me and could see himself marrying me 🙁


pottypete
6 years ago

Obviously, I’m a bloke and have the same problems telling someone about my MS. I am very open about having it though and my friends are very protective of me and my feelings, they are brilliant at gently informing new people we talk to and there is no shock later. I am currently dating a girl who is a helper with one of my more disabled friends. She doesn’t care about me having it and is very supportive.


Mawson
6 years ago

That is awful, but please try to keep your confidence in men. My partner has been there right the way through and am very lucky as is great, picks up bits when needed. Hope I do the same back when he needs support. Sue x


pottypete
6 years ago

I find it best to just be yourself and let life run its course. If someone is meant to be with you, it will be. Try not to put barriers up or invent reasons not to trust somebody. There are a lot of good people out there and someone will come along who cares enough to see through the problems to the real you.

oh god,i hope so! i guess all men aren’t like that.

if i loved someone and that person got diagnosed with m.s,i’d just want to be there for them even more…


Cathy74
6 years ago

A rejection absolutely knocks your confidence, but the guys on here are right, when the right person comes along, the ms isn’t even a factor let alone an issue.
After me and my husband split up, (he didn’t react well to my ms amongst other reasons), I wasn’t ready to date, or trust anyone for over a year, then I got back on the dating scene and actually realised what fun I’d been missing out on 🙂 xx


stewhalley
6 years ago

Hiya Cath, Sorry if you have been bombarded with emails, I never noticed the date. Glad you have found love again, hope it lasts. Fingers crossed for the rest of us.x


Cathy74
6 years ago

lol no problem Stew, as for finding love, I’ve only been going out with my chap for a short time, but it’s all fab so far :)xx

i always think it was my ms that was rejected and not me.makes me feel better!


stewhalley
6 years ago

If your ever single again Cathy, drop me a line and as for you MLRD, your only young, time’s on your side. x STE


Anonymous
6 years ago

Hey team, I just caught up on all the recent posts!! Great to hear you’re having fun Cathy – I also have fallen TOTALLY head over heels! He’s fantastic and has no problem at all with my ms.

So, if in doubt guys, take heart, and before you know it someone amazing will come along who deserves you!! xx


stumbler
6 years ago

Gosh, I love a happy ending. I’m filling up.

But seriously, good on you, guys and girls. Life is a journey and sometimes you need to go down to come back up.


Cathy74
6 years ago

Ohhh Rachie that’s totally fab,so happy for you 😀 xx
Stumbler, totally agree with you, experiencing the bad times makes you truly appreciate and value the good ones. Hope all you lovely peeps are well and enjoying the sun xx


CClaire
6 years ago

Good for you Rachie – it’s funny how we use lots of expressions linked to mobility. Falling head over heels is good in this case! I went head over heels at work last week, but that was just a boring faint due to the heat – your head over heels is much more exciting Rachie; are you still learning how to stand up for our rights via your studies? Claire x


ghada
6 years ago

Wow peeps, this is lovely, i am at work and am filling up…miss hubby whio is away at the mo…lol…coffee break me thinks!x


Anonymous
6 years ago

Aw thanks for the messages guys!! What a lovely group we have on here! Lol I especially appreciated the ‘head over heels’ call!!

Totally – I’ve finished studying and have started working at a law firm now. Totally standing up for PwMS everywhere, we can do anything we want to do!!! 🙂 xxx


dmarucci
6 years ago

Hi guys I’m dan. Really struggling at the moment, I broke up with my girlfriend of four years 🙁 im worried I won’t find anyone else as I’m really shaky and unbalanced/my voice is also affected. Isn’t a man supposed to be strong and take control? Because I certainly don’t!


Gav
6 years ago

Hey Dan, I think we met you yesterdat when I ambushed you with my camera. Break ups sucks, even under normal circumstances never mind when you have this uninvited monster seitting on your sholder, undermining your self confidence, making you doubt yourself, and you’ve got MS to deal with as well.

Just because you’re the male in a relationship it does not mean you need to be in contol, as my wife frequently reminds me. Blokes seem to have this need to put on this ‘mask’ that we’re strong, powerful, bruce willis like but the truth is we’re not, and any girl that is worth having will know this.

You just need to be yourself, don’t try to be someone you aren’t.


dmarucci
6 years ago

Cheers gav
Your definitely an inspiration! I need to get out more, I find myself laying in my bed because it seems to be the only time I feel normal!


Iain
6 years ago

Hey Dan,
sorry to hear that you’ve had a tough time, I just wanted to echo what Gav says, just be yourself buddy, the ms thing isn’t all you are, it is just something that you have, and have to deal with. I wouldn’t put pressure on getting back in to a relationship, just start getting out there again, with friends etc and do what you enjoy doing. If your having fun and confident in your surroundings then opportunities to meet with the opposite sex will appear.

All the best yea,


CaptainKristoff
6 years ago

Hey Dan, I wouldn’t put too much emphasis on the strong, taking control thing. When I met my girlfriend I didn’t have MS (or it had just yet to affect me) and I was really into weight training. A few years and a few relapses later we were moving into our first flat together, but rather than being able to bench press my own body weight, I could barely walk up stairs (65 of them from the street to our flat) so she was the one doing all the lifting and shifting whilst I was dragging myself upstairs with the handrail or shuffling up and down them on my backside, not really the big strong man! She’s still with me tho so it’s definitely not a deal breaker so I wouldn’t stress it, your break-up’s prob just left you feeling a little vulnerable at the min, we’ve all had it!

Keep your chin up sir!

Kris


Anonymous
6 years ago

Right. I know I’m a girl and therefore can’t exactly speak to the masculine side of things but…
From a GIRLS perspective, we just want a guy who’s true to themselves and who is honest with us. You sound like both of those things Dan. Take time to just chill out with yourself now, but before you know what’s happened, there’ll be some fantastic lady who’s going to accept you for who you are. It’ll be awesome, trust me! xx

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