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New and curious

My grandmother, mother, sister and I all have MS. One thing I’ve noticed in since my first attack at 25, losing my vision on the right side (gained 40% back) and having a very hard time walking (regained it back) I feel so unattractive. No one else I know that has it does but I feel like damaged goods. Who’s gonna want someone who could relapse at any time and need help or potentially become handicap. I feel ugly because of the way I walk, because sometimes I can’t see out of my eye still, weather affects my eye very often. I get told I’m gorgeous, beautiful, handsome, sexy but I don’t see it nor feel it anymore. Does anyone else ever feel this way? If so how do you deal with it?



Hi @brian_medeiros and welcome. This is an imperfect world, inhabited by imperfect people. Yes, everyone is imperfect in one way or another. You are so much more than your MS, as befits the expression, "I have MS, but MS does not have me"! Physically, we can all have imperfections, but we can still have beautiful minds and hearts.



Hello @brian_medeiros, so I’m older than you, but getting a diagnosis and then trying to get on with life, I felt I had been stripped right back to a lesser form of myself. No energy to invest in appearance, all my focus going into day by day, rather than goal oriented. However, what has emerged from the last two years is an inner strength I never knew I had. Human qualities and a good heart will always outlive looks. If you look good or gorgeous, that’s a great bonus. But an authentic partner will want you for you, and who you are. Have faith in yourself and your qualities, these are the things that will sustain relationships not appearances. On with your quest! :-)



Hey @brian_medeiros! I was recently diagnosed with PPMS, and currently dealing with exactly what you describe. I have no idea what I'll do, but I guess time will help, maybe? Maybe if we try and change the parameters of what we consider attractive, valuing and exploiting different aspects of ourselves... we could feel better. Haven't been able to actually do it, but its just an idea that theoretically makes sense... I will be starting ocrelizumab in December, and I am hopeful it will help to psychologically feel I'm doing something for my MS. Being on a DMT, supplementing with vitamin D and biotin, and exercising (I hate it! :P) should help.



I can empathize quite a lot. I had my first attack when i was 14 luckily i look and feel fine. but it is always something in the back of my head "damaged goods". we are our own worst enemies though our journeys are not easy ones but we find happiness regardless. dont give up on yourself there is more to life than being afraid of MS and thinking you're only broken goods. best of luck Brando



Hi 😃 I would recommend an App called Calm they have meditation on a number of subjects including self worth, anxiety and many others. They also have some fabulous sleep stories and relaxing music. Some of them are available free but for a years membership with access to all it is £39. I find them helpful when I need some down time from the worry and stress of the wobbly stuff. I just lie down and take so me time Sending hugs 🤗



Self worth and self belief are worth loads living with this. YOU are still YOU, there has been no change to that. Believe in yourself even if some adjustments are required to cater for your physicality, Remember that once YOU accept this, the perception of YOU will change for the better. Besides have you seen some of the Para-olympians........



I understand very well what you're saying. Disability is ugly. It can make you feel less of a person in a world where 'difference' is not the norm and may be associated with helplessness, dependency and sadness. How to tackle it? MS (I'm talking personally here) can mess with your mind. If you're depressed because symptoms are taking away your quality of life, there's not much chance of facing up to this issue, so the first step may be to improve your mental health. I've been on antidepressants for years and can't see me ever managing without them. My GP said (wisely): THEY'LL HELP YOU THINK IN THE RIGHT WAY. Being in the right frame of mind opens up possibilities. Instead of believing that how you present to the world is stuck and can't be improved, you'll start seeing solutions and ways round. My walking is not good and I'm very self-conscious about limping, but less so now I've (finally) tracked down smart footwear that is compatible with the leg splint I have to use. For the first time in 15 years I can wear skirts and dresses. What a feeling that is! I've avoided a stick or crutch thus far by carrying walking poles in the car for emergency use. But my various 'solutions' have been the product of research and thought - only possible because my head is (usually) in the right place. xx