Last reply


To tell or not to tell

Getting myself extremely stressed at the minute. Have had CIS and am in to my second month of betaferon. I was always very close to my eldest brother until recently when the relationship has been more strained. He knows i was unwell at the start of the year but i haven't told him why. He did start to call me more when he knew i was unwell but i didn't answer the phone most of the time as i didn't want to talk about it. My brother has now moved back from England to Ireland and close to me. Now i am more stressed as i still do not want to tell him about my health but he is wanting to meet up and i still find the relationship strained (he wants me to come and see his new house tomorrow). I know i need to stop stressing. But did anyone else have difficulty telling the family about their MS or CIS. My boyfriend, aunt and a few close friends know and have been extremely supportive. Any advice would be much appreciated Trace x



Oh gosh, yes. The fact that there's no LOGICAL reason why telling one particular person over another seems impssible doesn't make it less real. It was that way with my mother. She knew I was worried but I madeup my mind I was only going to tell her when I had a dx, not during the tests etc. I never mentioned the words MS. Then when I did get a dx I was with my sister in the consultant's room and I told him how I dreaded telling her and what should I do. He said very firmly that no matter how old and infirm she was, no matter how it might affect her, she had to be told. So the decision was out of my hands. We went home that night and we said the dreaded words. She was wonderful - so strong. Looking back, I realise it was probably a relief because she could stop worrying. What happened then was amazing - she was galvanised into action! Within a week she'd arranged for a hand rail to be fitted in my house and got me a cleaner. I see now that the barrier for me was that I loved her too much and didn't want to hurt her. Perhaps the same for you? Having said that, I have never been comfortable with telling anyone I don't absolutely need to. So maybe that was part of it as well. Could you take the initiative and tell him that it's a worrying time because you haven't got real answers to what's wrong, but it may turn out to be MS. That you're being monitored well, are on meds and will tell him when you know more,but that at the moment it's life as normal. Best wishes for this.



Gosh Trace75 you have touched on a subject here that stresses me out big time! I have no problem telling strangers and love having Shift for likeminded comfort but I made the decision to tell people as and when I wanted to as it is MY OWN health business, no-one elses! unfortunately this was taken out of my hands and my parents told people, I guess they were just worried but it is MY business and this has hurt me greatly I have a sister that is not really interested, more interested in her own doings and affairs! if the boot was on the other foot I would be re-searching and helping all I could, Husbands family don't know as we are not close and they do like to talk about illness all the time, I don't want pity! I will mention one day that I have had this for years. that is why I love the quotation I mentioned yesterday " Happiness is having a loving family in ANOTHER COUNTRY!"



Tell everybody. The more people that learn about ms the better. Your brother obviously cares for you, so it would be unfair not to tell him. We all need caring about, but you're lucky to have family that do. I have only my step daughter and wish I had more.



Hi <a href='https://shift.ms/community/people/trace75/' rel='nofollow'>@trace75</a> , Is there a particular reaction you are afraid you'll get from your brother? I know there were a couple of people I was worried about telling because I thought they might react in a way that would cause me more grief. Fortunately that turned out not to be the case. It is an intensely personal thing to admit to anyone and you may just be feeling vulnerable. I know I thought people would view me differently and I might not have the same relationship with them after they knew. Sometimes it took a while to adjust but when people could see I was ok with it and still me so they treated me much the same. It can be a relief to tell people when you are having a bad time and just need some support or space. Maybe also consider that if you don't tell him now and then you have to further down the line he might feel a bit hurt. Good luck with your decision.



Thanks guys for all the very useful advice. I just feel like telling people is like giving a gift and there are people you want to pass on this 'gift' and others that you do not. I ended up meeting up with my brother, sister-in-law and nephew yesterday. A little strained but went fairly well. He said when leaving that we will meet for coffee just the 2 of us. This is what i have been wanting. He has only been married a few years and i would prefer not to talk about my health in front of his wife. I do not want my business being used as gossip. I do love your quotation <a href='https://shift.ms/community/people/loulou/' rel='nofollow'>@loulou</a>!! Watch this space ...............