@mscole 

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mscole

How Do You Handle Stress? I HANDLE IT!!!

Hello, everyone! My name is Nicole and I am new to Shift. MS. This is my first post. I was diagnosed with Relapsing-Remitting MS in December of 2015. For me, it was a quick diagnosis. One July evening I went to bed and awoke the next morning with my left hand numb. I, of course, went through the typical thoughts of thinking that I slept on my arm too long or that I must have had it in an awkward position all night, but throughout the day the numbness only increased and soon the numbness began to engulf my arm moving up to my shoulder. I went to the GP, then to a Neurologist then to a Rheumatologist and had all the blood tests to rule out this and that, on to a new Neurologist where I had the pleasure of partaking in a lumbar puncture, and further MRIs which revealed multiple small brain lesions and a cervical spine lesion. On some level the diagnosis wasn't too much of a shock, I kind of already had a deep sense that I had MS. I had been struggling since my late 20s with bouts of this and that. Things like double vision, joint pain or that burning leg pain, hip pain, cramping in my arches of my feet, tingling in my hands every so often, fatigue. Yet the symptoms would come and go. I sought out doctors over the years only to be told I looked good, everything checked out ok, it must be stress so here are some anti-depressants. What! No, I knew it wasn't just stress. Ugh! Embarrassed I was done looking. I figured at that point if something was wrong with me it would make itself known and then I would have the last laugh! I'd prove I was right all along and have one of those funny tombstones that read "I Told You I Was Sick". Of course rethinking that idea I thought I wouldn't really be the winner in that situation so I tried my best to overcome what had become constant health issues by involving myself with mindfulness and meditation, clean eating and exercise. I did well for awhile with long bouts of finding my center so to speak before becoming frequently derailed due to feeling the need to tend more attentively to my family. I am the kind of person who is a very responsible, likes everything to be in its place, I think ahead, prepare and go out of my way to make sure everyone is comfortable and provided for. I take great pride in tending to my family, my two girls 10- 14, my husband and home. But I have lost the motivation it seems to really step back and take care of me in the way I once was which I know could help heal me in terms of stress. I do small things like write and draw and I love photography but it isn't consistent. Every day I tell myself I should exercise but I don't even though I have a treadmill, stationary bike, weights and DVD workout videos at the ready here at home. I get caught up in keeping up. And I can't keep up. Before I know it, its late in the day and my kids are coming home from school and then it's off and running to their dance classes and piano class, driving them here and there, homework assistance, dinner, dishes, etc. I know its life but it's exhausting. My kids do help out, as does my husband so I am grateful. I have talked to all of them about my fatigue or certain limitations but they can't truly understand especially when one day my actions demonstrate that I am energized and the next day I feel like I need to be on the couch every 30 minutes. They can't fully understand that on the days it appears I am easily running around, in reality, I am just pushing myself. I get it, I know they have compassion, but I still am frustrated, I think I am frustrated with myself. My husband works late hours so by the time he arrives home it's near 10 pm and then I feel I need to sit up and talk with him so we can connect when really I should be asleep. I want to tell him my concerns and I do, but I don't want that to be the source of our conversations, stress, illness and worries. So I feel a bit isolated with my feelings. Add to this my parents have temporarily moved in while their new home is being built for them. They sold their two-story house for a new single level home which will make it easier for my father who has Parkinson's safer to walk around. But of course, I am feeling overly protective of him too as he is here. And finally my brother and sister in law's 6-month-old son is being brought over to my house since both of them work and my mother watches him on Mondays and Tuesdays. I (apparently having taken crazy pills) agreed to watch him every Wednesday. He is adorable and I love him. But it's a lot. Now I find myself staying up even later in the evening once everyone is asleep because the house is quiet and I can have my time which is, on one hand good, but not so much for feeling energized by the morning. So I am struggling to get back to that place I once was, calmer, less anxious, allowing myself to focus on me more. I find myself becoming resentful a bit, at who I don't know. I am struggling to workout, and just feel overwhelmed in general. I know you all have been there, so I don't know what I am really asking for by this post other than a place to rant. I worry about my future and I worry a bit about wasting time not doing the things I want to do while I can because I am so preoccupied with doing for others. I think on some level I have been in denial about my MS and I am just keeping myself overly busy. I know I have to make time for me there is nothing else to say, I am after all blessed to be able to get around very well. You wouldn't know anything is wrong with me by looking at me. My family loves me and I know I have their support, I just have a hard time letting go and stepping back and I think my family feels helpless sometimes with knowing how to help. So sometimes I feel stuck and that creates stress. How do you handle stress? Thanks for reading my post and feel free to friend request me. :)
@NiceCupOfTea

Hi @mscole, I very much relate to your post and I would imagine many others would. For me, I have started keeping a private blog which I can invite people to if I want to - so far only one person - and I use it to organise my thoughts or rant. I spilled out my journey has been up to now, how I felt about my diagnosis and came to the conclusion that there are 5 new ways of living I need to learn if I'm going to be able to live with this without feeling like I'm pushing a boulder uphill. I also use the blog to put bits of research I've found that are relevant to me. That helps for me. I don't want all my conversations to be taken up with MS, I also don't want it to be the elephant in the room...I don't think I've found the balance yet! I was only diagnosed 2 months ago so some stress is about trying to take that in and what that means but also about the time it takes to do that while I'm also trying to do other things. I had symptoms for years before that, so was already having to accommodate them, and there's stress in trying to do my work (and live my life) when I have those symptoms, and then just life stress, stuff just happens and it's stressful. In terms of "techniques" for when life gets stressful I know mindfulness has a good rep...I have done some mindfulness but clearly not enough, I had a migraine 1 to 2 times a week every week between diagnosis and my first appointment with the MS nurse 8 weeks later! At the end of your post you talk about the things that are good and remembering them is always important, you could keep mementos to remind you of what you are thankful for or that make you feel good. A quick one is to think, at the end of each day, of one thing that day that was good, one thing where someone did something nice for you, one nice thing you did for someone else, and one thing you were proud of - the beauty of that is if you have a particularly awful day that could be that someone brought you a cup of tea (a nice thing for you) and you said how thankful you were (a nice thing for them), that would be a good thing to do that day, and you could be proud that you were able to make a connection with someone when you felt so rubbish. And keep using Shift :)

@kateybash

Hi Nicole, Your post speaks volumes to me. I felt so sad reading it as you sound just like me, but I am not so good at putting my thoughts on paper. I too have children and run around after all of them, it means the world to me to be a good mum but it has been so tough this last year with these invisible symptoms. I have not been diagnosed yet and am waiting on another MRI. My first MRI had multiple lesions but after a negative lumbar puncture I have to wait. I have actually not been posting on this site as not having been diagnosed has made me feel like I shouldn't which I know is wrong but I feel so isolated at present too and motivation is very low. I can so understand what you mean about running around one day and exhaustion the next. My husband was a police man and retrained to be a primary school teacher. He is in his probationary year and such a steep learning curve at the age of 49. I feel his needs are so much greater than mine, even though he is an amazing man who really does try to understand. I have been off work for 2 months and that is adding to my stress. I am a health visitor and work 3 days. Juggling 6 children, 4 who are teenagers has just taken it's toll and I wonder what else I can do. Going to yoga at night is great but I sleep in the class and am then awake afterwards even though I am exhausted. I have signed up for a session on mindfullness so I am hoping this helps and there is also a website called headspace which gives you a 10 minute relaxation session. I am meeting two women from work today and I know they will tell me and say I look well.!!! I would feel like such a fraud if I didn't feel my legs on fire and lightheaded. Anyway, I can totally relate to you. I think this site and the people who post are amazing . It has def helped.