@msBaker

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msBaker

My body makes no sensešŸ˜©

Today i woke up not feeling 100%. I decided to push through and go to work any ways. Big mistake sadly. I'm 3 red lights away and my leg muscles start spasing. I keep calm and call my boyfriend, who's 30 minutes away, to come get me. I stay calm and get to my store and call in to get help and my department's assistant manner bites my head off!(which doesn't help in the least) By now my entire body is having muscle spasms. It wasn't a seizure. I'm completely coherent the entire time. I see my store manager come out with my other manager to look for me. They walk right by me but there's nothing I can really do to alert them. When the store magnet comes out to look a second time she sees me. I can't help but cry as my body has a melt down all the while continually apologizing for letting her down. It's so frustrating and embarrassing. I want to work so bad, and excel at my job. I feel like I'm letting them down when this happens. ER visit, blood work, urine samples, steroid drip, and 5 hours later I get out with the response "it was just a momentary MS flair up." By the time I leave the shaking has turned to sparatic twitches. I don't really know what to do or how to explain to people I don't make my body do this. My job has some stress but I love it so much! I know others have it worse, but I feel so helpless in so many aspects of my life atm. The more I try the worse things seem to get. Ik I should be sleeping but instead I am awake bc I choked on my spit and the metallic taste fr the drip is back in my mouth. Ik this may seem all over the place. I just needed for some ppl who understand to hear me. Thanks for reading/listening. I give all of you warriors props for making it through the day.

Vixen

@Vixen

Hi @msBaker, sorry you're going through all of this. I completely get the urge to 'just keep going' but the best way to deal with MS is to learn to listen to it. It's a real head/heart thing isn't it? The sensible thing would be to go home and rest up, but the spirit and need to do what we do makes us keep pushing on. I'm not sure how things work in the US but could you get an Occupational Health assessment? I assume your workmates know about your diagnosis? It's great that you enjoy your job, and they need to work with you to enable you to keep doing it. I hope you feel better soon, sending you lots of good wishes across the Atlantic........x

msBaker

@msBaker

@Vixen thank you for your kind words. My MS is not enough of an issue normally to go through any of the hurdles for me to do a work assessment. Right now I just have to keep my head up.