@mocharl

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mocharl

stressed about stress.

Even though my diagnosis was almost eight months ago now, I am more scared now than I have been in all that time. In the last two months, my husband left me (saying it has nothing to do with the dx, we'd had problems for years, blah blah, all of which is true but I had no idea it was coming, we were talking about getting pregnant the week before and just came back from a holiday) and his leaving has brought a lot of emotions and new stress to the forefront. I am pretty asymptomatic as it is, I tend to get pins and needles in my hands in the middle of the night, and a bit of l'hermittes sign at the moment, but my latest MRI showed a bunch of new lesions, which really surprised me and freaked me out. I haven't started the DMDs yet since I was planning on getting pregnant, and now I'm scheduled to start in a few weeks when I'm back from a work trip. I'm scared of starting copaxone and I'm scared of not starting it. I'm worried I've left it too long and also that I haven't made enough of an effort with alternative diet and exercise treatments with no DMDs... Seems whatever choice I make--or avoid--I feel like it's wrong. I'm just so scared that I have all these lesions on my c-spine and that means maybe the disease will progress faster. I know stress is bad for the prognosis but I can't seem to calm down. I started taking some SSRIs in the meantime for anxiety and depression but that too I feel ambivalent about. All my family and friends tell me I will be fine, I am so healthy, I seem fine, but I am just so scared of what the future holds, especially going it alone. How do you get comfortable living with so much uncertainty? I don't know what I can accomplish with this note, I guess I am just looking for some feedback from people who've been through similarly tough times. Thanks for listening.