@katfight

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katfight

need to moan about me!!

So I posted couple weeks back about my life. I didn't tell the whole truth tho so here it goes, im gay so my partner who has just left me is a woman. So ive struggled recently dealing with tge new diagnosis, then the relationship ended and this week my ex girlfriend who has only ever had girlfriends tells me her "best friend" who she met 2 years ago and always goes out with but I wasn't allowed to meet properly is now her boyfriend. Yes her boyfriend I am so confused and now even more so! Weve been split 4weeks so how long has it really gone on for?? I am loosing every will to live.. I am completely stuck at rock bottom I don't know how lower I cud get. My ms has gone wappy but I don't care about that. I need my life bk the person I loved so much. I need it all bk, and I need ms to leave me alone :(

Stumbler

@Stumbler

MS doesn't give a shit about sexual orientation, and neither do we! So, I'm glad you've felt able to share this burden. You need to get over your ex and then you can start concentrating on you. Given these latest set of circumstances, it seems that not only didn't you know her, but it seems she didn't even know who she was. This will take time to understand, but you'll get there and you'll realise that you've been released from living a big mistake. You now need to concentrate solely on yourself. You need to make you feel better about yourself, so do whatever floats your boat that makes you happy. Just don't overdo anything as that will play into the hands of your MS. I'm sorry that you're having to go through all this, but you will get through it. PS I removed your duplicate posts - didn't want anyone thinking you were repeating yourself. :wink:

msue62

@msue62

Perhaps your ex is struggling with her sexuality, perhaps she is simply bisexual, she is definitely messing you about. Take care of your symptoms now you should be able to get some medication, talk to your MS nurse, mine is brilliant. It doesn't really matter whether your ex is a boy or girl the feeling is the same and an MS diagnosis will hit you for six!

katfight

@katfight

@stumbler thank you, sorry I didn't say before I think I was just scared for some strange reason. I hate feeling so rubbish, I wake every morning feeling sick, like now trying to clench my stomach and breath loads to stop myself feeling sick. This whole situation is to much for me to deal with. I try fotget it and concentrate on me, ive deleted myself from Facebook as he had wrote loadsa stuff about me, and she says she will post that I have ms if she gets any trouble. I not one to ever let thus kind of rubbish effect me but I just can't snap out of it. Im 30 soon we planned to do so much, but now im 30 with a million problems that I don't want and can't work out. @msue62 its so hard talking about how I feel, I really couldn't do it face to face with someone. And I don't really know my nurse so id feel pretty stupid, I just want it all to stop now, why do I deserve this, ive tried to figure it out but I really wasn't a bad person at x

reddivine

@reddivine

Partners of either sex or inclination can feel frightened or threatened by the illness. Yeah and your thinking ite ME who is ill! Its shit and life sucks but I hope you find NEW friends and don't let the buggers get you down!

Stumbler

@Stumbler

@katfight , you are one of life's special people. It's only special people, who get challenged in this way, because we are survivors. You've just experienced a lot of pain to your psyche. This pain will diminish over time and then you will grow again. Be patient, whilst you adapt......

Tiggermum

@Tiggermum

@catfight as everyone else says on here MS doesnt care about sexual orientation, or indeed anything at all about our lives. But, we have to care about ourselves before we can take care of everything else. So, be happy you coming up to 30 and have your life ahead. Make that life what you would really like it to be. Time to be selfish now, forget the ex or exes, time for you. Learn to put yourself first and enjoy each day your own way - however that may be. If you are meant to be in any kind of relationship, I believe the right person finds you. And until then, you have all of us to keep you on the right path - your path.

katfight

@katfight

@tiggermum, @reddivine, @stumbler how can I stop thinking about my ex and her partner. Its seriously driving me insane. I can't eat or sleep. I cry constantly. Im heading down a path ive never been. I come to work then go home. I have no one to see or talk to. Everyone says it will get easier and ur netter off etc. But I don't see it, I certainly don't see ot getting easier.. Please help me someone, I can't keep going :(

Stumbler

@Stumbler

This situation will be a complete mystery to you at the moment and you'll find yourself doing a lot of soul-searching. I can see your ex now being in a futile relationship. How can her new partner be comfortable with her sexuality? Perhaps, he did it just for a bit of male kudos to show that he could turn a lesbian straight. The whole foundation of that relationship looks exceedingly suspect. And, I really can't see a future in their relationship, but their future shouldn't be your concern. Just do what feels comfortable to you for the present. If it involves over-indulging in chocolate, so be it. You just have to get over the initial shock of the situation and then you'll start thinking straight and start putting all things into perspective.

mammamoose

@mammamoose

I cant add a lot more to what already has been said but, believe things will get better because they will.At the moment you are going through some emotional turmoil and a grieving process but, little by little day by day it will improve. That old adage time heals is true. You can get over this and you will come out of it a stronger person and be able to pick your self esteem up off the floor. Don't blame yourself too much it's not your fault, if she was not sure of her sexuality then it was very selfish of her to become involved with you knowing she was not or could not be 100% committed. You are only 30 so plenty of time to find love with somebody else. I didn't find my life partner until I was 33 so you do have time.Take care x

katfight

@katfight

@mammamoose She is very needy. Needs to feel loved, needs protection and needs to know tge future. I have relied heavily on her for everything since oct until end of December. She has never struggled with her sexuality and came out young. I struggled coming out to the point my family did not know until recently. All our friends new but I couldn't say it out loud to my family. I believed that telling my family was a great success for her to finally have that extra added family. Christmas was great. I believe that because I couldn't provide and I was in need and tge tables turned he just gave her that needed shoulder to lean on and because we struggled with the ms.. well I struggled then he just wriggled in and saw a chance. Im so angry, I am trying so hard not to say anything but its broke me. We planned so much, house move, holidays family and within a few weeks ive lost everything. I was at a loss with ms. I still am to the point ive given up. But now its a feeling I can't shift. The ms iss going mad, my legs and sight are giving up. And I continuously cry and feel sick. Im normally so strong and no one would ever see me down. I never had stress in my life and now thats all ive got.. I don't know where to turn. I speak to people but after a while they give up because I just say the same over and over x

katfight

@katfight

@stumbler Why under your name does it say key master? X

Stumbler

@Stumbler

@katfight , Key Master? Sounds like I had a part in a Ghostbusters film! :lol: But, seriously, I help administer this forum. I keep out intruders who just want to flood us with their inane messages. You, me and the rest of the members don't really need their herbal supplements to grow parts of our anatomy! :???: Getting back to you, pop round and see your GP and explain that you've had an emotional shock and may need some help to deal with this and your MS. Now, I'm not suggesting that you adopt an addiction for anti-depressants, but you may need something temporarily to help you whilst you find your bearings again. It's not a sign of weakness to ask for help when things gang up on you. :wink:

katfight

@katfight

@stumbler. I do like the title lol, I visited the dr a couple of weeks ago and got amitriptyline 10mg, but doesn't seem to help. I get to sleep for a few hrs but thats it. Gosh anti depressants is seriously not something I ever thought I would need never mind take. I feel like im watching someone else's life and im gonna get bk to mine. I was so content before the ms. I worked so hard and so many hours and now I can't even manage a whole week. Well a day at the minute, im constantly running to the bathroom to cry. People do not see me cry so where has it come from. Why can't my ex just see me, seriously I gave everything for 7 years and now I just can't get past a day without feeling scared and sick. And the worst is thinking. Thinking why this happened, how they got together. Thinking there all laughing at me for being so stupid to let him take her away.i cant stop being negative x

Stumbler

@Stumbler

@katfight, I've had other titles, some I can't repeat!!! :lol: Anyway, Amitriptyline is usually given to address neuropathic pain for MSers, although it does have a bit of an anti-depressant feature. It's also given to youngsters to cure bed-wetting (I thought I'd just throw that in!) It can also make you quite drowsy, so should be taken 12 hours before you intend to rise the next day. Like I say, anti-depressants aren't a sign of weakness. But, they might just help you to get through the next week or two. So, chat to your GP and let them know what's been going on. Unfortunately, life can throw some pretty nasty curve balls. Whoever said life was going to be easy, eh? And, never assume that someone is laughing behind your back. Life has a nasty habit of just turning on anyone when you least expect it. Don't allow yourself to be consumed with finding answers. It won't make you feel better and you're unlikely to find the real reason. I'm sure you'll find that MS has a big part to play. It may be your condition, but it effects anyone close to you. It makes the future uncertain, as if anyone had a certain future. MS can become huge to someone who suffers with it. To someone close to it, it can seem even bigger. But, even this could just be the straw that broke the camel's back of your relationship. It may just be a case of it wasn't meant to be. People change as they age and have to deal with different circumstances. By the way, MS has a symptom, emotional lability. It can take your emotions to extremes. I find myself welling up at the most inane of things.

katfight

@katfight

@stumbler Wow.. the emotional aspect is the worst. Ive never really felt low but this is an unbelievable low, like u say I well up at anything previously, now its just about my ex lol.. I am trying to figure out how I really feel for her. Prior to the ms we were ok, but I hated the aspect of paying for everything all the time and being the one who always needed to cook or clean. In all honesty I worked sp much that coming home to cook wad a definate no no.. so it was take aways or meals out. At least 4 times a week. That made me mad most days.. so really am I better out of it.. yes I think so.. but why does it hurt so much?? I think it hurts so much because I relied on her and saw her so differently, caring loving and helpful. Its been a while since ii saw this in her. But that wasn't for me, it was obviously the guilt if wat she was doing or planning on doing.. cud u be anymore selfish doing this when I was at the lowest point ive ever known. Never mind just coming to terms with ms (which I still haven't) but the break up and now knowing your in a relationship just weeks after.. Its pure bulls hit.. its selfish and unthinkable in my eyes. But this is how I know im a better person as I did and would have continued to give her everything and protect her. All I ever did was try make her happy. I spent 4years getting her through uni, I spent extra hours of my life working so much to ensure I cud provide for us.. but now she has a bedroom at her parents and a boyfriend who has a part time job in a shop.. he isn't even a man yet.. oooh it makes me so angry!! Think im just rambling to anyone now. Dont even know if I make sense.. :)

Stumbler

@Stumbler

A diagnosis of MS, a relationship breakdown, they're both an enormous emotional burden, similar to a bereavement. It does sound like your relationship was starting to get a bit rocky. It also sounds like your ex is someone who needs a strong partner to "look after" her. And, you need to have a bit of strength to deal with things that life throws at you. The foundations of her new relationship already look unsteady, but that's her concern. She needs to live with her mistakes. And, you keep rambling on. There are things that you need to say, to get off your chest. So, it's part of your healing process to ramble on. :wink:

katfight

@katfight

@stumbler You are seriously amazing at this.. u are extremely wise with your words and sure know how to point me in the right direction. I don't believe at all they will last. Her mother pretty much disowned her when she said she was gay.. I pulled her through that and up until last month her mum accepted her and loved me. She has also turned on me to, told me her daughter is happy and thats all that matters bla bla bla.. ok so shes happy.. probably happy ur delighted shes with a guy.. its hilarious. After 2yrs of our relationship her mother said ok so when are u going to get a boyfriend and leave kat.. so after several yrs she finally accepted us and now im the past she has a "normal" daughter now so she can finally be really proud. I know my ex has graved this all her life. But now @stumbler now I see through the horror that we strived for. But have ur perfect life now. It will not last forever. Like u and I say.. She needs someone to be strong and provide. I was very strong and earnt enough to live without her wages. Now shes bk where I met her.. yes she has a decent job now but thats because I worked hard to help her get her degree. She says sexuality is not everything u can just fall in love with someone no matter what they are. Ok I get it, but really I don't believe it at all.. hes 21, he is male, he has no educational background (she hates uneducated people, I was ok as I did go to uni and do have a successful job, well I did until the ms) so yes he can give u the needed love u need now, and can give u a conventional lifestyle and family that ur own family have craved for but thats it really.. I do not believe u can be in a relationship for so long and suddenly change everything u believe and be happy... maybe im wrong but I just don't see it x

Stumbler

@Stumbler

@Katfight, I'm not seriously amazing at this. I'm impartial and objective, so I don't take sides and say it as I see it. Whoever heard of an "Agony Uncle"! :lol: You just needed someone to talk to. Someone who wasn't going to be judgemental. But, I do believe that our life-stories make up a book that depicts our lives. This book is divided into chapters and you are experiencing the end of one chapter and the beginning on the next. Don't try and look for rational explanations as affairs of the heart are seldom rational. It doesn't surprise me that there are other players in this drama, all with an agenda that is at odds with yours. However, we all make our own decisions, whether they are right or wrong and then we have to live with the implications. Closing a chapter is always a time of sadness, but you'll soon experience the excitement that comes with starting a new chapter. P.S. I'm no saint, ask my wife. :wink:

katfight

@katfight

@stumbler I feel so weak and pathetic, its unreal how low one thing can make you. Ive been sitting around for a while thinking can life get any worse, in the last couple of months I got ms, I lost my partner, lost my job, lost my home and then the final straw hit and she has a new partner. Wow my head has been spinning out of control and I had nothing left to fight for. Its the hardest thing for me, but I know it could be worse. What have I learnt so far, my ec was very selfish and yes she may be running and hurting but thats no reason to run away from me. Im still me, yes ive been a nightmare crying all the time and thinking the worst but im still me. So ms is my journey and she walked away, this hurts so much but I know I am better off without someone who in the long run probably wouldn't have cared or helped me. I needed her now, I needed her to get me through this but nope all ive got is her pushing me down further. Like shes trying to ensure I never come back up. Im scared to be alone. Im scared I will never find someone again and im scared that if I do the same thing will happen and they will run because of the ms, just like she did. Im also scared that I will never find someone as beautiful as she was, but I keep thinking her heart is obviously not beautiful so.... I was planning our lives, home kids jobs etc etc. How can you start all this all over. Alot of time has gone into this relationship to get us to that point but now its just crumbled and im left lying at the bottom of a rock. Im more up today than down so thank you for listening to my ramble, I know its sll about me so I thank you x

krrrby

@krrrby

Oh, @catfight - the way you've come to this place and expressed your feelings of hopelessness tells me that although you feel helpless at the moment, you're way ahead of this thang. Seriously, people (myself included!) can go years with this sort of shit bubbling under the surface but never actually acknowledging it or asking for help - shows me that as bad as it feels at this moment, you're willing to ask for help (important and accept that help (even more important!) so you're gonna be all right :D Just keep talking and reaching out to people! BTW, if you're not comfortable with face-to-face, have you looked into phone services that are available near you?

Stumbler

@Stumbler

@katfight , we're all weak and pathetic really. It's just that the majority can keep that undercover and put on a confident, professional face. To hurt emotionally isn't a sign of weakness. You've had more than your fair share of shit to deal with recently. And, yes, I can see that you may be at rock bottom. But, there's one redeeming feature of rock bottom - the only way is up! Yes, you may be apprehensive, that's understandable. No-one quite knows what's going to happen next and who will be involved in this next chapter of your life. You could also see it as a tad exciting, new prospects and new horizons. But, for the moment, you need to keep talking as this is helping you to make some sort of sense out of this situation.

katfight

@katfight

@krrrby I couldn't do xalls either,Im to emotional lol... Is it a good thing to open up tho. My friends tell me to get a grip and forget about it, some of them tell me to stop talking about it as its just making me go round in circles.. @stumbler as above is it wise to talk as I keep going over the same tgings. I talk so much I make myself believe that we will get back together and sort things out. But in reality I know thats not going to happen. When will I start moving up from the bottom. I tell myself make contact and things will come good. But then I get mad as I think what ive said previously / the sights ive been in. Will all of this be discussed with her new partner. He came across as a nice guy polite and friendly but the things ive read about me shows me he is far from it and he is very manipulative and a child and she is there egging him on. It makes me mad and sad that wat we had meant nothing. But is it true that she is running and hiding. Her mum and friends say stuff like we know the real u and stuff anyone who judges u. Surely this is not the real her. Why go through the bullying at 16/17/18 from these so called friends, and make her mum so upset with being gay. Just to say shes not. Surely to get the courage to be openly gay is the real person and not this show shes putting on??

Stumbler

@Stumbler

Not only is it good to talk, you need to talk, be it face-to-face or like this. Otherwise, these thoughts will just continue to go around and around in your head. You need to let it out. You've already started moving up from rock bottom as you're talking about the situation and your feelings. That's a positive. Every one of the players in this drama have an agenda. That's just the selfish nature of folks, who think they're doing the right thing. But, you have to allow others to make their own mistakes. It's part of life and helps us learn. You ex may fly. Or she may crash and burn. But, that's her prerogative. And, at the present time, there's not a lot that you could, or should, do. So, just take some time out for you. To stop worrying about this episode and what next. Your body needs a chance to manage your MS and allow you to continue your ascent from these depths of despair.

katfight

@katfight

@stumbler I don't want ms. No one does, I was doing quite well without it and now I have that and nothing else. What the hell, its like it came in and pushed everything else away. Why has my life become so hard. I was doing quite well and now people are just walking in a takingy life away.. we had fun before the ms and we were on the track of becoming a huge success together. I feel my positivity has gone again. She has deleted me out her life. This is it for good. I don't understand any of it x

Stumbler

@Stumbler

Life isn't meant to be easy. And, yes, we get presented with challenges, which make us who we are. You'll get to a latter stage in life, like me, and you'll look back and you'll find no rhyme nor reason why some things worked out the way they did. So, don't look for reasons. Don't question yourself to see what you may have done wrong. Sometimes, things are not meant to be. I know this all hurts like ****, but, trust me, you will come through it. And, you'll come through it a stronger and wiser person.

katfight

@katfight

@stumbler if only I could get through it now. Being scared is not me at all. I am so up and down that I just can't get a hold of anything. I feel sick again and full of worry. I felt like this a good few weeks back when I was told you may have ms and then a couple weeks later you do have ms.. ooh I cried and cried and put myself into a place where only my ex got me to overcome it. She said we will face it all together. Ur not on ur own. It effects me as it does u and I won't let you down. And as for meds I will give u this when u need it. So a few weeks later im here again but have no one to pull me out. Yes ive got family but its just not the same. I show them not emotions and they think im doing great but im not im really not. Everything has gone

Stumbler

@Stumbler

Now careful, you're starting to loser your perspective. Primarily, a diagnosis of MS is enough to shake the pants off anyone. If I was to tell you that it is a manageable condition and doesn't mean wheelchairs, you'd probably think I was lying. But, nothing is certain with this condition, apart from the fact that there are now medications to help the body manage the condition, with more medications on the cards. To have to deal with a relationship breakdown at the same time is just very bad timing. There are people that can live alongside someone with MS and there are those that can't. Everything may seem like it's gone, but that is so far from the truth. When you do get your head around the MS diagnosis, it will give you a new outlook on life. You'll re-assess everything to determine what is really important and what is just petty consumer greed. That will allow you to become a more circumspect person, not getting bogged down with inconsequential issues. But, like a bereavement, this all takes time. Time for you to grieve. But, that time will pass and a new you will emerge.

katfight

@katfight

@stumbler I feel like your my counsellor trying to sort me out. Yes it works for a while but then my mind takes over. I wad getting strong a few weeks back my legs were strong but now I wobble when I stand and struggle walking. Its so messed up. I don't understand the ms and I don't understand my life at all. Now if u told me I was to wake up tomorrow morning back in my old life i would believe that. But I have no faith about anything. Its weird because inside my head it feels like it is shaking and my then my arms neck etc all shake. What is this and why? When will I start feeling better, ive been told around a yr. I can't be like this for another year. Only good thing is not eating so im slowly dropping pounds lol.. 2 stone in a month. Thats a bonus x

Stumbler

@Stumbler

You can call me a Counsellor if you like - I've been called other things in my time! :lol: OK, MS and why is it causing problems now. Well, MS seems to feed off worry and stress. It just seems to pick up on the negativity and catches us when we're preoccupied. We need our brain to be allowed to fight and recuperate for us. And it can't do this when we're preoccupied with other things. Now, that suggestion that it'll take a year to get better requires some explanation. Yes, it can take up to a year to "accept that you have MS". There are several emotional phases that you need to get through before you can sit down and say, "OK, I've got MS, but I'm comfortable with that" But, to recover from some of the symptoms that are playing up can be be a lot quicker. A lot of it is down to you and the word balance is key. A healthy, balanced diet is a good start, but a balanced life style, where you try and avoid excesses also helps.

katfight

@katfight

@stumbler I think its a mixture of the ex and the ms. A year from now I'll have accepted tgem both. I don't want to be like this for another year. I don't even want to be like this for the rest of the day. When did life get so hard. Ok ive got ms. Ok my girlfriend left me. Ok uve got massive issues with work but come on life could be worse. Sort yourself out I say x

Stumbler

@Stumbler

@katfight , one thing at a time, eh? But, you sound more positive today. Life will go on. :wink:

katfight

@katfight

@stumbler I keep having phases of ups and downs today. So I think that's good as yesterday was just down lol. My legs are playing up massively and the heat is horrible from the top of my legs to my feet. Arrgh I just don't get how u can be fine and all of a sudden things turn upside down. Wish I could turn my brain off and sleep through it all. Someone must have prayed very hard that karma would come to me.. whoever did has got there wish, not just once but 4th thing all at once. I thought ur only meant to get three lol x

Stumbler

@Stumbler

@Katfight , you'll learn about the unpredictability of MS in the fullness of time. :wink: But, is MS retribution for us? I don't know. Sometimes I think I must be the reincarnation of Attila the Hun or even, Hitler. There must be something I've done to deserve this! Or is it just the luck of the draw.... :???: But, whatever, it's here and now and we just have to manage it. Do you know, I think the real you is putting in an appearance? :)

katfight

@katfight

@stumbler The real me. The moaner or the emotional loser lol.. its crazy all this. Will the ms ever go away? The thing that hurts me the most is I spent so long hiding from who I was from everyone other than my ex. I was in a place where I was touching 30 and saw a future that we discussed. Now im worried that I may never have kids and I may just be alone, whilst she fulfills the dreams we had with someone else. My other question is meds, why do people choose not to use meds? Im scared of the injections and was only going to go ahead with it as my ex said she would do this to me. I don't want to do it alone tho, is it wise not to use meds? Sorry im going on all the time x

Stumbler

@Stumbler

Yes, the real you. And if life isn't crazy, you're living it wrong! :lol: I think we all spend a lot of time looking for our self-confidence. You found yours and you can use that, together with other experiences, to start to enjoy the future. You just need to establish that base point to move forward from. As to meds, have you had a look around this site :-http://www.msdecisions.org.uk/ . And, also use your MS Nurse as a point of reference. Do you adopt meds now or not? Well, it's a question of how you want to manage your MS. MS is unpredictable, so you could refuse meds and find yourself with no progression in a year's time. But, there again, there could have been some progression and you could rue the day you declined meds. It's all a case of taking control in managing the condition. And, don't worry about the prospect of having injections. No-one likes the idea. But, a nurse will accompany you for your first injection , so you won't be alone. Hypodermic needles are made so fine these days that you hardly feel them going in. And, you'll be offered an auto-injector, so that you don't even have to see the needle. At the end of the day, it's down to you if you start meds or not.

katfight

@katfight

@stumbler the docs think I had 4 relapses last yr. My last relapse in dec I had to have iv steroids. The nurse said I had 8 symptoms going on at once. She said it will probably never be that bad again. So ss I had 4 relapses they want me on meds sooner rather than later. Im not sure if im having another now or not. I don't know what a relapse is to be honest. So I think that if I had 4 last yr then I should take meds really. Grr up until last yr I avoided the docs for 10years I hate the docs.. I relied on my ex for so much help with this ms thing but now its just me. Bloody hell, I hate this condition. Im a completely different person from wat I always have been. Im scared all the time and emotional.. id never tell anyone this only my ex new how I truly felt. Maybe I just relied on her to much and ive drove her away :(

Stumbler

@Stumbler

This webpage will explain about relapses :- http://www.mssociety.org.uk/what-is-ms/types-of-ms/relapsing-remitting-rrms . If the Docs feel you should be on meds, then we really have to listen to the professionals. Four relapses might suggest an aggressive form of MS, which might allow your Neuro to consider the second string of meds, i.e. Tysabri (monthly infusion) or Gilenya (taken orally). And, yes, I used to steer clear of Docs too, but they seem to be a necessary part of getting older! :( I don't think there are many MSers who do like this condition. Diagnosis makes you re-evaluate your life, to determine what's important. It also makes us re-evaluate the future, which can be a scary pastime. That fear may have been experienced by your ex too. It wouldn't be the first time that MS has destroyed a relationship and won't be the last. MS can quickly identify weaknesses in a relationship. But, we need to slow down the rate of relapses that you're experiencing. That's where you need to try to banish worry and stress. Negative emotions like these achieve nothing as whatever will be will be. Life can be a crazy ride at the best of times. Banish worry and stress, buckle up and enjoy the ride..........

katfight

@katfight

@stumbler you've just scared the crap out of me.. aggressive from, I hope not I was thinking so much in a short space then maybe ive experienced the worst and thats it for me. Well I guess wat will be will be like you say, ive just gotta be prepared for the worst :( There was definitely areas of concern in the relationship but I just saw the ms as being positive as it mafe me face things she had wanted for several years. I came out properly and we had planned a new life around the condition. We agreed that it would not stop us doing anything and everything seemed to be so much happier even tho it was hell it was better. Xmas eve was awesome and Xmas day was good to, so in a month it all changed and that was it.. arrrgh I don't know how to cope or how to move forward. Seriously if it was that bad wud we have made so many plans. If she had been seeing this other person then y wud she keep making plans. I really don't get any of it.. arrrggggghhhh I just want to scream..

Stumbler

@Stumbler

That's the thing about MS, you need to know how best to manage it otherwise it has a free rein. But, now you know what you're up against, you can plan your strategy accordingly. We all prepare for the worst, whilst hoping for the best! :wink: Like I say, MS can put a tremendous strain on a relationship. You can have one partner feeling broken, whilst the other partner can only see their dreams and aspirations falling to pieces. It is a recipe for disaster and any existing weaknesses are amplified. I asked, or told, my wife to leave me when I was diagnosed. We were looking ahead and saw only disaster. Well, we didn't split and the disasters we saw didn't happen. Perhaps we were lucky......... But, if you want to scream, then scream. And after that, get on with your life.

katfight

@katfight

@stumbler - thsnk you. Im in a better place for this hour anyway. Im 100% sure that if I didn't get ms yhen it wouldn't be like this at all. Like u said the weaknesses were there and ms amplified them. Maybe things will change for as in the future but for me this is the best thing to have happened as im so in denial and used everyone I cud to rely on. This kept me in denial. So now j neef to spend time accepting the diagnosis and I need to brave the meds and get in control. Im not weak willed really ive just hit the bottom but its time to come back up, the only way out was going down further and I can't allow that to happen as there is no way back so im here and im going to fight this somehow. I may break down again tomorrow but for tonight im ready x

Stumbler

@Stumbler

@katfight, there are clear signs that you are now thinking a bit more logically about the situation. Denial isn't unusual but like most things, admitting to the problem is a big part of solving the problem. Sometimes we need to hit rock bottom to allow us to see the real person that we are. Then we can start to rebuild and you have definitely started on that path. Yes, there will be downs as well as ups, but you know which overall direction you're heading in. So, good luck for tomorrow and the days after. :wink:

katfight

@katfight

@stumbler Im just as down as ever today. Sorry

Stumbler

@Stumbler

You may feel down today and that's understandable. But, your head's in a better place than it has been. You still have to deal with your diagnosis and the split. It would be strange if there was no feeling of sadness......... And, no need to apologise to me. :wink:

katfight

@katfight

@stumbler do you know how to sort this our quickly so that im in a better place. I feel completely crap this morning. Sickness is back and my thoughts are zooming round and round. I can't keep being in this place everyday. I jump from one thing to another ms my ex ms my ex and I break down in tears. How can I make it stop x

Stumbler

@Stumbler

You are having to deal with a relationship breakup and a diagnosis of MS. You will be hurting, it's part of the grieving process. As you go through the day, there will be stark reminders, which will make you sad and tearful. But, as the days progress, you'll find yourself dealing with these situations a bit better. Time is a great healer.......

katfight

@katfight

@stumbler im at the doctors soon, some friends have said I need anti d's im highly against them but ive never taken them before. Do you think that I should take them? I hear they just shut down your emotions and help you get on better. But maybe ic I did take them in a months time I could stop them and still feel this crap. I just don't know what I should do. Have you any thoughts, do you think I should take them?

Stumbler

@Stumbler

It's not a sign of weakness to ask for assistance when you're at a low ebb. Just tell the GP what you are having to deal with and how you feel. It might be that they will consider just a temporary pick-up of a couple of weeks or so. I know my wife was devastated by the diagnosis of my MS. She saw me losing my job and us losing our house. She needed just a bit of help to get her back on track.

katfight

@katfight

@stumbler because I don't know what they would actually do I am worried. I also do see it as a huge sign of weakness, and I should be able to pull myself through this without anymore meds. I don't like medication at all for anything so at the minute im having to give in to all sorts. I do see how I am tho qnd I do want to stop being this way so maybe the only way to do that is just to pop a few more pills. Why is life sich a head fcuk.. I'll never be able to get back to being me again. I know that im completely different now. For 7 years I built a life heading in one direction and now thats not possible.

Stumbler

@Stumbler

And, this is the reason why you need to be open and honest with the GP regarding what you're going through. A short course of anti-depressants isn't a sign of weakness at all. Take a UTI for instance. Yes, I'm a bloke but I've had quite a few! But, I'd rather have a short course of anti-biotics to get me back on track rather then be all over the place for a number of days. Life is life, it's unpredictable. It will take you to incredible highs and devastating lows. But, that's what life is all about. Without all that unpredictability, life would get pretty boring and wouldn't make us the characters that we become. :wink:

katfight

@katfight

@stumbler I like boring tho lol.. Yes I will have a chat with the doc and go from there. U never know later I cud be feeling great again so there could be no need :)

Stumbler

@Stumbler

Boring can get............well, boring. Best of luck with the GP. :)

katfight

@katfight

@stumbler doc says im depressed wanted to give me anti ds n see a counselor but ive refused.. maybe a bad idea tho so im hoping to just ride this out somehow x

Stumbler

@Stumbler

Well, yes, with what you've had going on, I'm not surprised you're depressed. But, it's your call whether you take the Doctor's advice or not. You can always change your mind later, if need be. You do know why you're feeling this way, so you could ride it out. Just keep an eye on yourself.

mocharl

@mocharl

@catfight I just want to tell you I went through a very similar experience about a year ago: five months after I was diagnosed, my partner of 10 years left, claiming it was not at all to do with the dx. I was in a very dark place. Which was made exponentially worse four months after that when my dad was diagnosed with terminal cancer. Yes, shit year. And I can totally related to the feeling of being derailed/not recognizing your own life all of a sudden. But I just want to say that one year on, I am doing way better, and though I still get weepy and emotional if I think about my ex and the way he left, I am no longer floored by those emotions, and I am actually seeing someone else despite all my worst fears about no one wanting to deal with someone who has MS. Also I'm three years older than you so don't stress about being thirty! For me, starting the Copaxone injections shortly after all this--while terrifying--did help me regain some sense of agency and control over the whole process, even if it was just in my mind. I would also heartily recommend a good therapist--I have no idea where I'd be without mine. Courage! I know it's a cliche but time really does help.

mocharl

@mocharl

PS I forgot to add, two months after he left, I learned my ex was dating a woman who had just come out of a long relationship with another woman and I was devastated. Like your story, it was someone he'd been friends with before he left, making me question everything. Their relationship did not last, not surprisingly. But I understand how awful it feels.