Hey MrsMissy! Loved this blog, it so very much rang a bell with me. I used to live my life by flow charts and plans and lists. Nice and neat (there is an ex-ICU nurse for you). To a certain extent I still do, but it does not really work with MS! Plans need to be flexible (I am not good at that!) and MS has taken away the certainty of my future and my ability to have plans in it. And I hate that! But the anxiety can be truly debilitating. I am so glad you have found a way of feeling better! Good for you! xxJas

Anxiety is a huge part of MS. It started with me trying to get a diagnosis and getting doctors etc to take me seriously (it only took me 30 years to be diagnosed!I have had symptoms since childhood but was not believed or taken seriously).When I did eventually get a diagnosis first of all it was a relief, I am not mad, I am not lazy, I am not a hypochondriac, I was right all along! But, of course you do wonder how it is going to effect you and unfortunately you imagine the worst case scenario.It does take a while for it to sink in. I found my family didn't want to accept that I had MS. However they readily accepted that my brother had MS and he unlike me has no physical problems but gets the sympathy! because it is an invisible disease,i.e. they cant see your pain, feel what you feel, and because you still appear able bodied and normal some people think you are "swinging the lead" which is not a very pleasant feeling and just adds to the anxiety. It is difficult at first to be positive but it does improve and you do find your own way of coping with the negativity. Granted there are many things I cannot do anymore and I had to give up on a career in teaching because of my "cog fog" and worsening physical disabilities I know I would not be up to it as I have no idea from day to day how my MS is going to effect me. It is not a stable condition but, I live with it and try not to give it too much thought as in the "what ifs" i.e. What if I cant walk tomorrow/next week/next year... etc. I try and concentrate on what I can do rather than what I cant do and to know my limitations which is no easy task as I tend to overdo it when I am having a better day and end up knackered for days after!