@Marjolie

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Marjolie

Sex and MS?

Arg. I've just found out that my boyfriend won't have sex with me "because I have MS." I am devastated by this! Its been waaaaaaay too long since anything has happened between us and finally I flipped my lid and asked why. Now look, he's coming up for 50 so maybe he can't, but really! Does anyone else encounter this 'thing'? Is it commonn? Or am I just the minging beer-specs -only pig I feel I am? I am diagnosed and abandoned. If anyone has answers hit me, If anyone wants to sleep with me I take American Express and Diners club. (no funny stuff) Marjolie x

Tiggermum

@Tiggermum

Oh dear! I hit like on the post as it made me chuckle. I cant say I have that issue @Marjolie but I do sympathise. I guess he isnt the person you thought he was, or the person you deserve. Dont blame the age... It is a person thing. We here on this site may not be able to provide you with the sex you crave, but would virtual hugs be any use? x

Marjolie

@Marjolie

I'm a slut @Tiggermum, i'll take virtual hugs. Yes i'll take them. (Oh woe. Am a dog.It is as I had feared all this time: I am simply.....*coughs* ."un-shagable) ha! And monkeys might fly out of my arse.......oh woe. Virtual hugs win x

Stumbler

@Stumbler

@marjolie , I feel for you. There are possibly two things going on here. On the one hand, he probably doesn't know enough about MS and he's fearful of hurting/harming you and leaving you feeling.....well, er.....shagged and fit for nothing. On the other hand, when a bloke gets to 50, he does start wondering about his mortality and his potency and his desirability. So, it may be that he feels he might harm you and he might feel that you no longer desire him, physically. I think you two need to try a bit of oral sex - you know, talk about it! That's oral sex, talking about it, isn't it? :???:

sani

@sani

You poor thing. Maybe he don't feel like it and using your ms as a cop out. Hope things get better soon. That is shit xxx

mammamoose

@mammamoose

Are you sure it's the MS or is it his age? I went through my partner turning 50 a few years ago and he really took it bad like @stumbler said morality, potency, desirability all take a knocking, it could well be him thinking he's past it and unfanciable/unshaggable and no reflection on you. I honestly think there is a male menopause, good news is it does pass. x

karynb

@karynb

hmmm, sounds like a mighty flimsy excuse to me. I'd say this might be more about him than you. MS is many things but it's not a flamin' STD for goodness sake!

msue62

@msue62

Dear Marjolie I think lots of people our age feel maybe sex is a thing of the past. He might be using your MS as an excuse or he might be genuinely concerned or a combination of both. I however can assure you from personal experience that sex is certainly not a thing of the past if you want it grit your teeth and let him know in no uncertain terms. I hope you have success in this because although it does bring your temperature up the marvellous lift you get from it cannot be beaten! Xx

reddivine

@reddivine

@Marjolie, I have never met you, but a woman of your imagination MUST be emminently shagable and sexy! How long have you been with said b/friend? Its absolutely very possible to have a sexlife, a screaming, exciting sexlife and maybe he needs lessons? Okay, so some things may be painful, some positions hard, maybe your legs twitch and you feel knackered AFTERWARDS, but tell the man, there are many ways of pleasuring a woman. And vice versa...its a 2 way street. And i'm over 50.......so no, sex is not a thing of the past. Maybe a trip to Ann Summers is in order? And some blokes at around 50, they become even more randy....somat to do with NOT becoming a parent, ha ha! But hey its not all abt SEX, its Valentine's coming up. Check out the romamtic meal, candles, sexy music, get him in the moooood for lurve........

mammamoose

@mammamoose

@reddivine Good advice. @marjolie Thinking about what @reddivine posted, how about instigating a dirty weekend? Maybe a change of scenery away from it all could do the trick. Doesn't have to be expensive maybe a cheap B&B ,caravan or camping ( passion could be really in tents! ) just for a couple of days. Or slip some viagra in his cocoa !

sani

@sani

Well it ain't the ms, I love my husband ,I couldn't do with out it, I may not be able to walk well ,but that departments great :)

jonnydrama

@jonnydrama

Well I've got MS and the wife is talking about a little brother/sister for our little girl! That's just because of how good I am! ;-)

Marjolie

@Marjolie

oh that's great. ..... thank you all for your comments of goodwill, comments of 'hang in there' of 'Fuckit go for it', comments of @stumbler Sage of all. And lastly to 'no thanks!' - for asking me "do you need a f#$k buddy?" I say Um. No. For many reasons; namely: a) shag off f $@k nut. I aint that sort. and - b) I'd sooner eat my head. Boyf and I have discussed matters. STOP. We have made order of chaos. STOP. I have won. ( In a manner of sorts. ) STOP. Thank you for listening to my self obsessed puesdo teenage wah-wah cry baby antics. (Oh, boo hoo.) heheh Next time, pay me for the inconvenience. Heheh xx END TRANSMISSION.

bondgirl

@bondgirl

hello Marjolie, I'm a bit late to the party (not that sort of car keys in the bowl party...) but wanted to say that I'm dealing with a similar thing (though have a girlfriend not a boyfriend). apparently, mine sees me as more of a "dependent" than a "partner" (as I have to lie down for a few hours during the day about 2 weekends a year and had quite a bad relapse when I was first diagnosed 2 years ago and she had to help me to walk for a couple of weeks 'til the steroids kicked in. tsk). she is generally v worried about being my long-term carer (I have no intention of being physically dependent on her and will be throwing money at bringing help in if/when I need it when I'm very old (hopefully. I'm an optimist)). perhaps there is a little bit of fear and change of how he sees you because of the illness going on? who knows. well, perhaps you do now as you have clearly had a good chat about it and thrashed something out :-). that's all.

indygirl

@indygirl

Ha you all made me chuckle! It's probably just HIM and got nothing to do with you or your MS Marjolie! I find myself in the same sunken limp boat as you but it's got nowt to do with me. I am officially in a sexless relationship (less than 10 times a year)! My other half (probably not for much longer)would rather do ANYTHING ELSE than [email protected]*g me! And no he does not have MS but whatever it is, it's his problem as he has been like this from day one (aged 34)! and I am sick of wilting away and just existing with him. To add insult to injury he keeps me awake EVERY NIGHT till the early hours .....for the wrong reasons may I add! You'd think the lion king and all his jungle mates were having a roaring contest in my bed!! MS or no MS we deserve better... Or should I say more x