Vent sesh
I finally went back to work about a month ago and I honestly wish I never bothered.
Since being back at work I just feel so down. I don't know if it's because it's just a reminder of the life I used to have but every day I'm like, oh crap I've got MS. Usually it's in the back of my mind but since being back at work it just lingers at the front.
Of course with the anxiety comes the guilt, the mum guilt, I'm just about ready to pull my head off.
I'm only recently diagnosed, half a year, is it just something that it'll get used to and it'll settle with time? I feel like I was doing so well but now I'm just on a downward slope with no end in sight 🥲
It’s not something that I got used to, but rather something that continually goes further and further into the back of my mind. You’re still so new to it all and there’s so much to learn. Not only factually about the disease but also about yourself and managing it to let you live life to the fullest and give everything you are able to your little ones. You got this, it just takes a little bit of time 😀
It took me a good 6 months or more to just let the news of diagnosis settle in my thoughts. I was kind of in shock for quite a while, every day thinking that my symptoms were going to clear up like a bad cold. Let me encourage you, though. My symptoms, although present everyday, only worsened in the most gradual way. I was diagnosed in 2005 and was able to work full time as a trial attorney through 2020. I wish I had heard more stories up front about people who similarly had years/decades before needing to make major life/work adjustments! Even now, I am still mobile…just have to plan my walking distance based on how I’m feeling that day. Here’s my last thought: your girls are going to learn things from watching you deal with this——things that they might not have been able to learn any other way. I’m not saying MS is a blessing: but your girls are going to receive life lessons through YOU that will last forever! How to stay hopeful, how to be happy even when life is imperfect, how to take care of themselves when they need rest, and how to be strong against obstacles. I’m sorry you are going through this, but the experience is so familiar to me. You are not in it alone!